Stare at Me

[Kizume-Chan]

Stare at Me

Summary: You'll see how a simple stare can lead you up to confessing.  

[Kizume-Chan]

Characters:
Boy: messy black hair and chocolate eyes.
Girl: long, silky waist-length black hair with dark blue eyes.

---[Akward]---

The black haired girl sat in front of a person under the tree shade of the peach tree.

The person looked above from this magazine about games to stare at the girl's eyes.

"Yes?" He asked her.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"What?" He questioned.

"What?" She questioned.

"Stop copying me." He said.

"Well, I will if you'll say what you need to say." The girl whined.

"Well, I will if you'll say what you came here for." They boy told her.

"Oh, I wanted to ask you a question." The girl answered him.

"Go, ahead." He confirmed.

"Are you really bisexual?" The girl asked.

"..."

"Well?" She asked eagerly.

"No," He answered bluntly. "I'm not."

"So you're gay!" She exclaimed.

"Wha---!?" He looked puzzled. "I am not! I'm straight!"

"So who do you like then?" She asked.

"I don't like anyone," He answered.

"Oh really?" She questioned.

"I love someone." He said.

"Who is it?" The girl asked.

"The person in front of me." He told her while looking into her eyes.

The girl's eyes widened as her face began to be red as a tomato.

"How about you?" He asked her, still staring at her.

"The same." She smiled.

"Good." He confirrmed shile he began to smile.

---[Behind the bushes]---

"Yes!! I got this on tape!" A dark brown haired and jade green eyed girl squealed. "Forever I'll hold this over them!"

"Freak." The boy with messy midnight hair and indigo eyes muttered.

"Shut up!" The girl hissed. "You're ruining the damn moment!"

"I never know how I put up with you..." He sighed.

"Because, you are one of the little people who can." She answered.

"Are you implying that I'm special?" He smirked.

"No, I'm implying you as one of the people who don't have sanity." She smiled.

He sighed. 'Just let this be, you'll win the next argument.'  

[Kasi Karra]

Honestly I didn't get it. You gave me the summary before hand and I was looking for something more.

Since you told me it was about a stare I was confused why you were telling me what the characters looked like. If they're going to stare at each other you could tell us what they see.

Is the girl a little bipolar? Because she seems to have pretty big mood swings. "well what do you want to say," she whined" "oh! I wanted to ask you a question!" hyper and excited answer. At least that's what I got from the story.

You don't need to tell us "he said" and "she said" every line. Though I am glad that you found synonyms for said that don't repeat often.

I feel that you tried to make this story fairly fast paced, but it should be told at a much slower pace. It is the story of two characters that stare at each other, beating around the bush until they're finally able to tell the deepest secret in their hearts.
Slow down and describe things to us more. They love each other so are they still going to sit far apart from each other and stare or will they slowly move closer to each other?
I know boys can be blunt when showing their love, but most girls don't respond so bluntly. They just blush and batter their eye lashes, look at him then at the ground then at him and back at the ground before finally giving the answer in a quiet voice or a barely preceptible nod.