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Sweeping Time (Black Cat fanfic)

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SadMachxne

Adorable Trash

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 2:36 pm
Lynn stared down over the city of Japan. The wind rustled through her short brown, messy, hair. She sighed through her nose and uncrossed her legs. "I know Cronos is after me..." She had run from them in the previous hour, and Cronos sent out members to find her. "Ai... You can't run forever. "Lynn jumped at her last name. "Come back to us, and you might escape punishment..." She sighed again. "No Maru...Never!" Lynn stood up with her back to him. "I wanna be free,not a house cat!" She jumped off the roof with a head start and ran. Maru waived his hand in the air. "She ran!" She continued to run as fast as her legs would carry her. Lynn heard the jingle of a bell and was grabbed from the side. "Mmf!" She smelt the distinct smell of fish and milk,and inhaled deeply. {Because it was her favorite smell} She remembered that she was being held captive. Lynn squirmed. "Stop squirming!" She stopped moving, then stomped on his foot. She sprinted down the street, then saw Cronos closing in on her, along with the man. Her legs trembled, then she plopped onto the ground. The man shot out behind her, looped his arms around her stomach, then lurched away from the others. "Let go!" "No!" He had kept running until he got to an apartment. Lynn saw, and bit his hand. He released her and stared down at his hand. "Is that what they teach you in Cronos? To bite?!?" Lynn smirked, but stayed silent. He looked at her, then rolled his eyes. "Grand. I save a Cronos based on me." She stared at him. "Your the Black Cat?!?" Lynn's expression turned to anger. "Do you freaking know what I went through?!? I had to be as good as you, and I had them freaking kill my friend because I wasn't good enough, and had to many FEELINGS!" Train got up and looked at her. "You don't know half of it. I had my parents killed when I was 10!" Lynn's expression turned to hatred. "Feh. Have them killed when your five, and to be based off of the guy!" "I don't hurt women!" "Bull! I saw you!" They thought at the same time and pulled their guns on each other. Both of their eyes were a glimmering gold, but Train's eyes were somehow brighter. He stared at her and saw what he used to be. Alone, sad, angry, abused. But he saw a light burning in her lightly, like a candle. He smiled a little, which made Lynn angrier. "You think this is funny?!?" He shook his head. "No. It isn't." Train made a famous angry face, which Lynn made the same face at him. He was kind of surprised that she was almost completely like him. Lynn sighed and put her gun away. "And besides. Least I'm not after spilling your guts. Such a mess to clean up." Train felt somehow threatened but he still laughed. Lynn made a weird face. "M'kay...." She turned and ran. Train ran after her. "Where the hell are you going?!?" Lynn kept running,until she ran into a pole. Train stopped shortly behind her. "Dummy. I thought I was stupid for doing that...." He picked her up and started to lug her back to his house.

Lynn woke up in a bed and a darkened room. "Ah.. I'm home..." She felt weird though. She sat up and felt bandages on her chest. "What the?" She scrambled out of the bed and tripped on something. "Ow!" Train rolled over and was greeted by her smooshing him. "MFMM!!! Cwutting owf breeding!!!" She rolled off of Train. "Sorry...." Train winced a little. "Good thing Rins was here to take care of your bandages....." "Bandages?!?" "Yeah.... You sort of bruised your chest really bad from running into a pole....." Lynn's eye began twitching. "A-ah....." Train was sort of thankful that Rins was there, and sort of not. 'Damn Rins for showing up....' Train sweatdropped. "Um.... Are you hungry?" He braced himself for a slap, and instead was greeted with a glare. "No. I need to get back home...." "You can't go back there!!" Train's eyes were wide. Lynn slightly twitched. "Um.... Why..... Not?" She sat there with her bandaged chest and pants on. Train had no way of telling her why without sounding stupid. "Your insane Kuro-Sama..." Lynn shook her head and grabbed her shirt, slipped it on, and pulled her coat on. "Later. I leave you to your weird druggy land." Train's eye twitched slightly. "W-wait, what?!?" He got off the ground. "Your freaking nuts. Making me run into a damn pole, and then telling me not to leave. What the hell are you on?!?" Train stared at her. "Nothing...." "Good. You freaking creepy weirdo...." She swung open the door and walked out. "Don't bother finding me again, Kuro-Sama....." She walked out the door, with a dumbstruck Train behind the door. "What the hell?"

A month later

Lynn walked around,breathing the fresh air. "Everything's been great since I quit!" She sat down and crossed her legs as her bell jingled. Train looked up and saw a girl that look vaguely familiar. She looked down at him and rolled her eyes. "Great. I run into the druggie." Train jumped up to her. "I am not a druggie, damn it!" "Like hell you are! I haven't killed in a month, been working as a sweeper, and you still are the same." Train scowled and sat down next to her. "Why must you be so mean?" "It's in my nature Kuro-Sama!" She smiled and evil smile and continued to drink milk. Train saw the milk, and jacked it. "Hey!" She smacked him in the head, causing it to go flying,and having it land in her hand. "Sorry. My milk." "But I haven't had milk in a week." Lynn got up and grinned at him, sticking her bottom lip out. "Aww... So horrible.... Tough stuff, huh?" She continued to stand as Train glared forward. "I hate you." "Same here, drug head." Train's eye twitched again. "Damn you...." "I've already been damned by millions, Kuro-Sama!" She continued to grin as Train slapped his forehead. He looked up at her. "How's you chest?" Lynn looked down at him like he was nuts, then bopped him upside the head. "What the hell is wrong with you?!?" "That's not what I meant!!!" She sat down as he waived his hands in the air. "Are you trying to call an airplane or not?" Train stopped and pulled his hands down. "Your so mean." "I know. It's one of my jobs!" She grinned at him like she was innocent, and Train's eye continued to twitch as he started to think very dirty and wrong things. "Dumba**! Don't picture me in a schoolgirl skirt!!" She smacked him again with an angered look. He stared at her surprised. "What the hell?!?" "Yeah, same here dumba**!!!!" She glared at him as Train glared at her. "TRAIN!!! KISS HER!!!!" Train looked down and saw Rinslet giving him a thumbs-up. "SHUT UP!!!" Lynn giggled at him and his stuttering. Train's eyes widened. "Nonono!!! DON'T EVEN THINK LIKE THAT!!!!" Lynn started to giggle harder, then hardened her face. "I won't forget what you did to me though." "Did-What?!?" "You killed my parents...." Train rolled his eyes. "For the last time, I DO NOT HURT WOMEN!!!!!!!" Rinslet on the other hand was giggling harder then ever. "Haha Train! Looks like you've got your hands full with a girl that's like you!!!!" Lynn whipped her head down at Rinslet. "SHUT UP!!!" She didn't realize that her voice was accompanied by Train's. Lynn glared at Train. "Stop copying me!!" They said at the same time. "STOP IT!!! STOP!! STOP!!! GAWD DAMN STOP ALREADY!!!!" Lynn growled and jumped away from him. "Heartnet, you really are a pissoff." "Oh, I didn't know I pissed off." He glared at her as she jumped away. "Damn girl....." "I'VE ALREADY BEEN DAMNED!!!!" "DAMN IT!!!!"
 
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 8:17 pm
I don't really know the genre, but I tried to read it anyway. It is hard to read because the text is too cramped. You didn't put any spaces after punctuations.

You always put a space after punctuation.

Incorrect: 'blah,blah,blah'

Correct: 'blah, blah, blah'

If you fix that, it will be alot easier on the eyes to read. smile  

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