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Miss_Comet

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 22, 2010 7:37 pm
I have posted this pretty much all over the place so I feel it's about time I post it here! If you've already read it I'm sorry to bombard you with it! I'll post only the first chapter just because I was wanting to see if it had the affect on people that I wanted it to (I'll know whether it did or not by your comments)

So please be as honest and brutal as you can!



Part One

Chapter One
Tuesday, August 13 2034
10:15 am
A soft breeze blew over the open meadow, ruffling over the over-grown grass and tall Daisies. A small, shy girl sat on a high, secluded branch in a tall Oak tree. A soft musical note cut through the humming summer air, then another until each separate note joined together to compose a soft, sweet melody. A young man sat below her at the trunk of the old Oak tree, basking in the cool shade its leaves provided. His husky voice sang along to the song.

A dark, hooded figure crept up behind them and cleared his throat. The young man, startled, turned to see who it was. Just as immediately, the music from above ceased, and the summer air was thick with tension. The girl dropped down from the tree to land next to her brother and they both stared at the hooded figure wary of his intent.

“Wh-who are you?” the young man asked forcing bravery into his quavering voice. The mysterious man removed his hood and revealed a smiling mask. His eyes shone through the slits dancing with amusement. The young girl grabbed at her brothers hand and the resemblance between the two was undeniable. She took a step away from the masked man and tried to pull her brother along. He, taking after their mother, stubbornly refused to budge. The man took another step forward and tilted his head to the side, gazing at the two as if they were a science project. The young man’s knees began to shake with fear. “I said reveal yourself!” he cried again his voice betraying the calm image he tried to portray. The man laughed again and took another step forward. The masked man produced a small blood-splattered dagger and raised it slowly above his head. The young girl let out a gasp and pulled at her brother’s arm more desperately. This time he eased and took a few stumbling steps backwards. With each step he took back the man took forward and the dagger rose higher above his head. Then, like a cobra strike, the dagger came plunging down into the young man’s shoulder. He gave a cry of pain and crumpled to the ground. The young girl shrieked and pulled at him even harder. Her brother held his injured shoulder and gazed up at the maniacal man in fear. The man laughed and raised the dagger again, higher every second in preparation for another strike.

“Brother! Let’s go! Get up!” the girl pleaded and then the boy rose to his shaky feet and turned and ran with his sister. The masked man laughed and began to walk slowly behind them, humming the very tune the young man sang not but a moment before.  
PostPosted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 8:30 am
~Bump~  

Miss_Comet

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Appelsina

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 8:34 am
I need a little more before I can think of a title for it.
Well, is the title for a chapter or for a story?  
PostPosted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 4:31 pm
For the story! I'll put up more but what did you think about the first chapter so far?  

Miss_Comet

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Cassandrahaven

PostPosted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 6:50 am
I greatly enjoyed it. I always tend to dart my eyes down to see how much more I have too read and I was terribly upset when I saw how short it was. Personally I beleive chapters should be fairly long so that's one thing. Another is I wanted more! D: It's so, so descriptive. That's probably one of my favorite things about writing. You can get completely into it and show every little detail and it's hardly ever too much.

But she's right, need more to come up with a name. So far maybe 'That Day in the Woods.' I dunno. Not the best but all I have at the moment.
 
PostPosted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:05 am
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll post more straight away!  

Miss_Comet

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:06 am
Chapter Two
Sunday, August 18, 2034
10:30am
Giselle sat in a small bar on the road side, to escape the sweltering heat of the summer. Ever since the nuclear war between England and Korea the summers grew increasingly hot. A lot of people didn’t know much about the war except for what the media told them. But working for the government, Giselle knew what that was about. Korea was pulling a pretty nice haul of oil and before the Koreans had worked their differences and joined as one, England was receiving a huge load of it from the South. But then they reconciled and for some time everyone thought how wonderful it was to not have to worry over the tensions between the two countries. But that was when the former North Korea realized just how cheap they were selling the oil to England and the United States and they jacked the prices up insanely high. Imagine how well we took that. While the United States just went to the Middle East for their oil England was outraged. They sent troops into Korea and the Royal Navy along the coast. But it wasn’t long before secret agents discovered the Nuclear Weapons being manufactured there. So began the nuclear arms race. For a while the rest of the world just viewed it as another Cold War and began to harass our Prime Minister Arden for empty threats.

So we bombed the 38th Parallel, once the sign of the stand off between North and South Korea became where they signed the treaty that joined their lands. Which launched us into an all out war and we did not stop until we controlled their oil. Some people think England should have just gone to the Middle East like America, save thousands of Korean and English lives. But some think we didn’t go far enough, and that had we persisted Korea would bow to our will. But Giselle had her own opinion on the war.

The waitress finally came to wait on her and she ordered a glass of iced tea. The waitress rolled her eyes and wandered away to place her order and Giselle turned her gaze back outside to her car that crashed not a moment ago. She was stranded. A boy, her friend Ace, slid into the booth and sat across from her and beamed. She took in his shaggy strawberry blonde hair, eager green eyes, freckle splattered skin, and lastly his smiling lips. He reached across and took hold of her hand.
“Tow guy said he’d be here in a minute, so I’m going to guess we got another hour and a half here.” Giselle groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Fantastic,” she frowned. The waitress returned to their table with a glass of iced tea and glowered at Ace.

“I suppose you want something too?” she asked in an American accent. Ace smiled, amused, and nodded; also ordering iced tea. The two sat in silence for a moment gazing outside and saw the heat rise off of the ground. Bleep! Bleep! Giselle looked at Ace as he dug out his cell phone and flipped it open. Ace read the text message once and stowed it away. He looked up at Giselle and smiled.

“We got a job just now, so we better hurry,” he said with a smile. Giselle arched her brow.

“Oh yeah, because I have control over how fast the tow guy moves,” she answered sarcastically. Ace laughed and the waitress returned with his iced tea. She left before they could order anything else. Giselle laughed as soon as the waitress was out of earshot. “She’s pleasant isn’t she?” she asked. Ace chuckled and raised his glass for a toast. Giselle did so as well, “What will we be toasting to?” she asked. Ace’s lips turned downward just slightly at the corners almost ruining his care-free smile. He looked thoughtful for a moment and cleared his throat.

“To life,” he said clearly and their glasses clinked and they both took a sip. Giselle placed the glass down and turned her gaze back to the barren desert that lay before them. Ace’s eyes also turned toward the desert and he gave a little sigh. “Depressing isn’t it?” he asked and ran his fingers through his hair. Giselle nodded in response and kept her gaze on the smoking pile of junk they were supposed to call their car. She sighed and leaned her head against window.

“How long now?” she asked. Ace glanced at his watch and groaned.
“An hour and fifteen minutes,” he answered and sunk further into his seat. “We might as well settle in and give it some time. You know what they say; ‘Time flies when you’re having fun,’” Giselle rolled her eyes and heard her stomach rumble.

“Oh but can’t you tell?” she asked and flashed him a sideways smile. “I’m having a blast.” Ace laughed his happy-go-lucky laugh and stretched. “So what’s our job this time?” she asked curiously. The two both worked as spies for the government and it’s been a while since they’ve had any work of significance. Ace’s green eyes flickered, briefly, with worry. Then he shrugged.

“Just breaking into some broke-down construction factory. I guess there is rumored to be rebels setting up base their. But I guarantee you it’s probably a group of stupid teenagers trying to get their moments of fame until they’re busted. Isn’t that how it goes?” he asked reminding her of the governments’ last spook that ended like that. Giselle shrugged indifferently and cast her gaze to the hover board.

“I don’t care!” she exclaimed. “I just want some excitement! I want that stupid car to work again!” she cried and pounded the table with her clenched fist. “Good for nothing government limited piece of crap technology.” she grumbled under her breath. Ace chuckled and pats her hand.

“Don’t worry. We don’t have to wait too long. He might even be here early.” Giselle shot him an indignant glare and took a sip of her tea.

“Oh I’m sure that promptness is his first priority,” she said and sunk down into her seat with her arms crossed. The two sat in silence until they saw the tow truck pull into view. They both walked out into the miserable heat to greet him. He was a gruff, heavy set man with chewing tobacco pocketed in his lip. He spat some out and took one look at the wrecked hover board.

“Stupid kids,” he grumbled and bent over the board to take in the extent of its damage. “Yer engine is just over heated and the rubber melted around it. If ya woulda just given it a moment ya woulda been fine. Didn’t it make some kind o’ whirrin’ sound?” he asked. Giselle winced at his insult but decided not to fire back with insults of her own; and she definitely had a few. She shrugged and kicked at the sand beneath her.

“Yeah, but I didn’t pay it much attention. I am kind of in a hurry to get somewhere so isn’t there some kind of gizmo I can get to keep it cool for a long time?” she asked carelessly. The man cleared his throat and spat out another black lump of tobacco.

“Yeah there is but it’ll cost ya an arm and a leg,” he answered and began to pick the engine apart. Ace laughed and shook one of his arms and legs.

“Those are two things we happen to have in supply!” he exclaimed cheerfully. The man glared at him and scraped the melted rubber away from the engine. Ace theatrically cowered away from his glare and hid behind Giselle. Giselle rolled her eyes and sighed.

“How much?” Giselle asked. She was trying to get the whole process done and over with. The man thought for a while trying, the gears in his head clearly working harder then he was used to.

“’Bout three grand,” he answered before adding, “tha’s before adding fixin’ the engine. With tha’ in total it’ll pro’lly be around four or five grand.” Giselle’s eyes widened before she remembered the government would be forced to reimburse her. Then she shrugged indifferently.

“Fine, but I’ll need it done as quickly as possible. I’m late for a job,” she said the annoyance thick in her tone. The tow man took heed and was done in twenty-five minutes and was newly installed with a cooling system. Once the tow truck rattled out of view they both climbed into the car, she started the car, revved the engine and she waited for directions from Ace. He uploaded a map onto his phone and pointed to the East.
The construction factory was completely desolate, but it was huge inside. They pulled up, screeching to a halt and decided they should split up. Giselle had the pleasure of exploring the creepiest parts of the factory. She turned on her flashlight and began to look for the conspirators. Even though she should have been looking thoroughly, she was barely taking note of her surroundings; she was daydreaming on the job. She heard a loud hissing noise and she switched her light off and slowed down to nearly a crawl. She crouched down and peered around the corner to listen for anything threatening. Slowly she saw a tiny beam of light flicker in front of her. Whoever that was in here knew they’d been found. The light stopped just short of revealing her and was turned off. She slowly edged forward until she could clearly see and hear the group of people.

“Damn, Brian, chill! We’re pretty much invisible! You’re kind of jumpy lately, you aren’t scared are you?” a taunting female’s voice teased. The male, who must have been Brian, growled.

“I am not scared!” he hissed defensively. The rest of the group chuckled and then the female pulled out a long piece of paper, a map. Giselle strained to see it but gave up when she saw it was in a different language. Their voices reduced to a low murmur and she edged oh so slightly closer until one clear voice became definite. It seemed to belong to an older man pointing out various routes in the factor.

“If they’ve found us then Darren, Brian, and I will take this route. Elizabeth? You, Eliza and Rashel will take this one. But the chances of us being caught are slim. Slim to none, in fact,” he said smugly. One female snorted.

“Why are we splitting up? Aren’t we stronger in a group?” she asked making her point. The old man sneered and rolled the map up and stowed it away.

“Don’t you think I thought of that? Yes, we are stronger in a group but we’re more elusive when we aren’t all together. We might as well make it difficult for them,” he said and the group chuckled again. “But from now on we must keep talk about this group to a minimum. We shouldn’t speak of it again before our next move. We’re biding our time remember?” there was a low murmur of agreement that traveled through the group. One of the members was saying something inaudible to Giselle, but its importance seemed to be significant because the group all tilted their heads in her direction, and looked deep in concentration. As if they were afraid of missing even a single syllable.

“- He’s dead. His sister was found hysterical and was stark-raving mad when we found her. She was rambling about some masked man before she died. What do you think is going on? He was one of our best agents and someone’s killed him-“ Clang! Giselle was so intrigued by the conversation her flashlight had slipped from her hands and she was exposed. Each member of the groups’ eyes widened and they were on high alert. Brian produced his flashlight and shone it into her eyes. Giselle dropped down and they all rose in a frenzy. “That’s the governments’ agent!” the girl cried. Brian spat at the ground and picked up a crowbar. He advanced on Giselle. Giselle turned and ran down a dead-end hallway, she was cornered.

“It’s just one girl, Rashel! I can handle her!” he said. Giselle swallowed and narrowed her eyes at him.

“You wouldn’t dare! That’s a life sentence!” Giselle threatened. She dug into her pocket and felt the government tracker safely stowed away. She fumbled with it until it turned right side up and activated it. It gave a soft ping but was barely audible over the groups’ uproar.

“You mean if we get caught,” Brian said smugly and raised his bar into the air, Giselle’s eyes widened in an imitation of fear. The bar came down swinging at an angle; the force sent her flying into the metal wall. She crumpled on the ground and held her arm in pain.

“God-Damn it!” she cursed and another pain shot through her body. She bit her tongue to withhold the flow of curses and gasped in pain. The girl, Rashel gasped as Giselle lay at her feet. Brian dropped the bar on the floor with a loud clang and slowly backed away. The eldest knelt next to her. He pulled out a shabby rag and a bottle with strong scented… something and drenched the rag with it. The smell made her gag and she eyed the man warily. “What the hell are you doing?” she cried. The man held the rag to her nose and she held her breath, trying to avoid inhaling the fumes. Her head spun with the lack of oxygen and she gasped for breath. The fumes overwhelmed her and Giselle’s vision swam. She felt her mouth run dry and she licked her lips. “Damnit!You’reluckyIcan’tmoveorI’dkillyou!” she swore her words slurring. The world seemed to heave and she was knocked out cold.

Chapter Three
Sunday, August 18 2034
11:23am
Ace wandered aimlessly around the factory before giving up and deciding it was deserted. He turned back to their meeting place and dug out his cell phone. He dialed Giselle’s number and called her. He let it ring until it took him to voice mail. He figured she didn’t answer it to not give away her position so he flipped the phone over and pressed a button on the side. A large screen opened in front of his face and he cleared his throat.
“Message Giselle.” he said clearly. The digital screen flickered to a large empty text box waiting for him to insert a message. “Giselle, no one’s here. Let’s go back to the pad and sleep! Send.” he snapped the phone shut and put it away. He waited a good hour before he flipped his phone open again and checked for a message from her. Nothing. Ace grew worried and dug his hand into his pocket feeling around for his tracker. Once it was in his grasp he felt it vibrating, a sure sign Giselle was in distress. He quickly inserted it into his phone where a layout of the factory developed in front of him. Just as he turned the corner he saw a group of six fleeing to the exit and he raced toward Giselle. Ace found her unconscious on the ground. Her arm was bent at an odd angle and there was an odd-smelling rag by her head. He cursed and ran to her. He gingerly picked the rag up and tossed it as far away from her as he could. He fished out his phone and called for an emergency cruiser to come and help him. Once Ace snapped the phone shut he groaned and mooned over Giselle, unsure of what to do at that moment. He gently took her by the shoulders and shook her as softly as he could. “Giselle get up!” he hissed loudly, then held his breath for a reaction. Giselle’s eyes fluttered and she groaned in pain. Ace heaved a sigh of relief and seized her into a hug. She cried out,

“Augh! Damn it Ace! Can’t you see my arm is broken? What is wrong with you?” she yelped and he let her go. Ace smiled sheepishly and his features suddenly turned serious.

“Ok, what happened? How did this happen?” he asked his tone stern. Giselle heaved a sigh and stumbled to her feet. Once standing she swayed and then righted herself. Ace placed his hand on her good elbow for a moment to make sure she was steadied and waited for an explanation. Giselle stubbornly shook her head.

“I don’t want to explain it twice, wait until we get to base and I’m patched up. As soon as I’m okay I’ll have to report to the General and you’ll have to be there as well. Just wait until then. We are going to have to drive back now,” Ace’s features flashed with uncertainty.

“I already called the ambulance, let’s just wait for them to come and get us,” he suggested knowing it was pointless. Giselle stubbornly shook her head.

“Too much time wasted. We need to hurry and this is the quickest way. Let’s go.” Ace reluctantly helped Giselle out to the car in front of the factory and made her lay down in the back despite her protests. Ace’s heart pounded and he glanced back at Giselle.

“I’m worried Giselle, maybe this isn’t the best way. Maybe we really should just wait,” he pushed his point one last, futile, time. Giselle met Ace’s gaze in the rear view mirror and shook her head sternly.

“I want to get there right now, and if we keep on discussing this that’s not going to happen. Go… now.”

Chapter Four
Tuesday, March 20 2034
1:20 pm
A small girl sat at a small pond not far from the city of London and dipped her feet in. The Koi swarm around her expecting her usual treat of bread crumbs, but were going to soon find out she had none.

“Sorry friends, I don’t have food today. Will you still keep me company?” The fish hovered around expectantly for a moment more before one of them drifted away. The others seemed to understand and they all swam away from of her as if disappointed. The girl splashed her fingers in the water as if trying to call them back to her but none returned. She heaved a great sigh and her gaze shifted to the blue cloudless sky. She sat there for another hour before she declared aloud her reluctance to return to her home. She heard the grass crunch behind her and she slowly turned to face the source of the sound. A man stood there, wearing an odd smiling mask. The girl sat still a moment and tilted her head to the side. Something about the man sent off warnings that somehow seemed attached to her two older friends deaths not but two days earlier. The young girl rose slowly from the water’s edge and took a few steps away from the pond, careful not to get any closer. The masked man began to hum a song all too familiar to her, and she froze. “What is it that you’re singing?” she demanded of him, suddenly outraged that any other man than the boy she’d grown to adore would know his tune. The man’s note broke with a low dangerous chuckle before the song continued with a renewed purpose. The rage of his audacity broke across her and she clenched her tiny hands into fists. “Stop that!” The man tilted his head to the side and she could clearly see his amusement. The man took another step forward and she took one back, becoming precariously close to plunging into the shallow pond. She put her hands in front of her as if to ward off any attack. “What do you want?” she asked her voice feeble. The humming stopped, she noticed so immediately. Anyone with any sense would know that this was the time to run away but something about his eyes had paralyzed her. Quickly he was upon her and she stumbled backwards feeling her balance give away and the cool waters rushing to meet her.  
PostPosted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:45 am
The next three chapters didn't do it for me. Sorry. Chapter two seemed to have a good length but oh so many errors. Grammar and spelling was killing me. And you didn't seperate out when the two different people spoke. You MUST ALWAYS do that. I can't stress that enough. And I felt like you changed plots too quickly there. At the end of the chapter it says how the brother died but why don't you just have that be the chapter? Stay with the brother and sister a while longer so we see what happens. Then go to chapter three with Ace and Giselle and when she figures out what happens everything will fit together like a puzzle.

Chapter three-toooooo short. D: And I don't like Giselle too much. Maybe my mind is just stuck on love but it seems as if Aro has slight feelings for her. If he does then she wouldn't be so oblvious to it. And she's way to pissy to him. It's a major turn off to her character. Especially this soon in the story.

Chapter four-Give the girl a name, kay? If she's one from the building [which she obviously is, correct?] then it will be another puzzle clicking together. And if you go and spend more time with the boy and girl from chapter one maybe the boys' last thoughts with be about this new girl who 'adores' him?

Overall I think you get a 7/10. Sorry./: Chapter one was like a 9.5/10. The next three chapters just don't do it for me though. Don't only listen to my input though. I'm sure there are other people that will really like it. And keep going. I'd love to comment on more of this. If you don't hate me for my critizism of course.... sweatdrop
 

Cassandrahaven


Miss_Comet

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 10:56 am
No I value your critizism and need it desperately! It's funny you say that because that's my biggest comment on other authors stories is to seperate their dialogue. I guess I got too anxious for you to have something to read =]

This story for me is my little baby because I've been working on it since my Freshman year in highschool (I'm now a Junior) so the grammatical and spelling errors I understand although it pains me that it even needed to be commented on (I'm much better at it now)

I get what you mean about the plot shift and I hope as I post more the motive behind that will make sense. I chose the first chapter to be as it is to give people an insight into the major plot before I back peddled and introduced the main characters. I was hoping that would keep people reading through the following chapters because they are a little dry. As for chapter four and some of the chapters following I really tried hard not to give them names because if you give them a name you get attached to them and it gets harder to kill them off.

She's not from the building although I'm considering changing that...

Overall I really really appreciate you being 100% honest with me and I hope that you continue to read so that you'll maybe understand why things are set up the way that it is. And I hope you'll end up falling head over heels for Giselle because she gets better I promise! Please keep reading and thank you soooo much!  
PostPosted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 11:23 am
Of course! I think I might be hooked so just keep posting. And okay. I'll keep being good old critic me : D  

Cassandrahaven


Miss_Comet

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 6:06 pm
Chapter Five
Thursday, August 22 2034
1:28 am

Giselle floated in a parallel between the welcome abyss of sleep and the drowsily tinted world of consciousness. She had been heavily sedated the night before and has slept ever since. Now that the drugs had begun to wear off she’d been experiencing unwelcome sharp pains shooting up and down her arm. Slowly she pulled herself into an upright position shrugging off her drowsiness. With unfocused eyes Giselle scanned the sterile hospital room for a clock. Across from her a bright green 1:28 am flashed from a digital clock. She let out a groan knowing now she wouldn’t be able to fall back to the peaceful oblivion now that she’d decided to stay awake. She swallowed and found her mouth was dry. Again, she searched the room, this time for a glass of water. As luck would have it there was a cup sitting on the night stand waiting for her. With shaky hands she retrieved it and took a big gulp. It was warm and stale, but anything was fine enough. Giselle let her head rest against the head board before she thought to pick up the remote and turn on the television. She didn’t expect much to be on so she hadn’t bothered to change the channel from the early morning news that was on, warning people that the following week would grow continually hotter than before. Giselle closed her eyes and her thoughts drifted elsewhere, trying to remember the days before the doctors chose to operate on her. Everything was fuzzy, but she knew that would pass along with the fatigue.

“-Breaking news, a young girl was found today at the edge of a small pond clinging to life! She appears to be around the age of fifteen to sixteen years old, but when the doctors preformed a blood test on her identity did not come up.” A picture of an unconscious girl with blond hair and waxy, pale skin flashed on the screen, in hopes to catch the eye of her parents who were bound to be worried about their missing daughter; therefore unable to sleep that night. “We will be sticking with her and we will release any other information. Police suspect that this child is somehow related to the two other teen-agers who have died earlier this week…”

Giselle stared blankly at the screen and then shook her head in disgust. She reached for the remote and clicked the television off, and settled back into bed hoping to drift back into sleep again. But her thoughts were swarming in her mind, making the chances of that happening grow slim. With a groan she abandoned the hope of falling asleep and became grudgingly content with staring at the ceiling. Giselle decided that she might try and remember what happened after she had arrived at the base. She remembered that once they arrived she felt very weak and Ace was causing an embarrassing scene with how he fussed over her. Next she remembered drifting in and out of consciousness when she first arrived in the hospital, then when they told her they’d need to perform a surgery on her arm. She lifted her arm and saw it was in a cast, Giselle stared at it in confusion, but it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as when it was first broken, so she chalked it up as post-surgery pain and moved on. Giselle heaved another irritated sigh and settled in for another four hours before anyone would come and check to see if she’d awakened. With the prospect of waiting in the dark with nothing to occupy her time she willed herself to get drowsy. She jammed her eyes shut and tried not to think of anything than other to sleep. Then finally, she slipped back into the calming state of sleep.

Chapter Six
Thursday, August 22 2034
8:25 am

Giselle sat in her room staring at the same door she stared at so many years before, waiting for her mother to return home with their dinner and a report of her hard day at work. It was days like these that Giselle had passed the time baking her mother what seemed to her like mountains of pastries. With every five minutes that passed her gaze would flicker hopefully to the door, wishing that at any moment it would fly open and her mother would walk in with the same weary smile. Even though Giselle knew this was a dream she couldn’t help but to sink into the familiar routine that was her daily life. Slowly her gaze turned back to a cartoon that was playing on the television but she wasn’t watching it. The door had flung wide open and a dark figure stood in the door way. Giselle stood quickly and ran to greet who she’d thought was her mother.

Instead there was nothing, and she stared vacantly out to the street thinking it may have been some neighborhood kid playing a practical joke. She decided that was probably the case and closed the door. Giselle turned around and saw a man sitting on the chair she was occupying not a moment before. Her heart jumped with the site of the stranger and she gasped. It was the same man who had informed her of her mother’s death. She knew that but still she asked why he was there. The man repeated those same dreadful words of her mothers’ death and she felt weightlessness, and then as if she was falling.
Giselle kicked and thrashed herself awake and jolted upright with a little cry of shock. Once she collected her breathing she noticed Ace sitting at her side with a worried expression on his face. She tried to give him a reassuring smile but it came out as more of a grimace. He smiled for her, and took her hand.

“Nightmares again?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. She nodded and they let the topic go, nightmares were nothing new to them. A doctor came in with a clipboard and started at the sight of Giselle awake. She gave Giselle a warm smile and walked to the end of her bed.

“Good morning dear. Feeling well?” she asked pleasantly. Giselle frowned and raised her arm and moved it around, each movement stung terribly, and her arm felt weak. She gave up and let it flop back down to her side.

“I’ve been better,” she confessed, her voice with a hint of sarcasm. The doctor smiled again and asked her a series of questions, none that Giselle considered to seriously before answering. Once the doctor had scurried away Giselle turned her gaze on Ace. His eyes were worried and wide and she had another attempt at smiling at him, this one succeeding. He returned her smile but said nothing. After another minute or so before he took in a breath, as if preparing to say something, and opened his mouth. He closed it again, apparently deciding better of whatever he was about to say, and went on staring at her. She made a show of shivering and glanced accusingly at Ace. “Jeez, Ace, is today freaky staring contest day or something?” she asked playfully. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Nah, I was just… I’m just… It was just… and now… you know?” he stuttered and looked to her as if hoping she understood his sentiment. Giselle fought the urge to laugh and smiled at him pityingly.

“Ace?” she asked slowly and he smiled sheepishly in response. “What the hell are you talking about?” she finished. He laughed aloud and shook his head.

“Oh, I don’t know!” he exclaimed and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “I guess… you just, gave me kind of a scare back there and… you know… stuff…” he explained bashfully. They both smiled and he shrugged as if it was no big deal to him. But Giselle knew he’d lost countless hours of sleep worrying over her. She eyed him sympathetically and stretched.

“Sorry about the scare, Ace. I didn’t mean to.” she apologized. He looked at her and waved his hand as if dismissing her apology. Giselle remembered the little girl they found earlier and she turned the television on. It was some college life sitcom that she never bothered to pay attention to and she turned the television back off. It seemed Ace knew what she was looking for because he picked up his laptop that sat next to him and handed it to her.

“I’ve been following her too, ever since they found her. She woke up two hours ago,” he explained. Giselle’s eyes were focused intently on the screen, scanning every bit of information posted. Once she’d finished she gave him his laptop back.

“They think she’s somehow connected to those earlier cases?” she repeated. Ace nodded sadly and ran a hand through his hair, neatly out of order due to his incessant worrying. He looked thoughtful for a moment and then his eyes lit up as if he had remembered something.

“Yes, and they say she has gone mad, completely mental. She’s speaking in absolute gibberish just like that one female they found earlier? They think this girl will actually survive which is a good thing,” he said and Giselle smiled.

“Always the optimist,” she commented. The door to her hospital room swung open and a surly faced man was standing in its frame. Giselle recognized the General and nodded in his direction, due to their history together she wasn’t inclined to greet him first. Ace smiled uneasily noticing the tension between the two and he made up for her lack of hospitality.

“Hello, sir,” he said politely and smiled brightly. The General grunted in reply but never turned his hateful gaze from Giselle.

“Agent report,” he commanded and Giselle bitterly recounted the events that lead up to her arm breaking. The General stared at her in disbelief and shook his head in denial. “Can’t be possible, we haven’t had any trouble for too long of a time for some to begin now.” Giselle rolled her eyes at the General and licked her dry lips.

“Well I’m certainly not lying sir I have the broken arm to prove it,” Giselle shot back in reply. The General grumbled and stroke his beard, deep in though. His lips turned down in a frown and he regarded Ace.

“Did you see this action take place agent?” he asked his voice commanding. Ace smiled and shook his head.

“No sir, but I did see the people she was talking about,” he answered. Giselle looked at him in surprise but then realized that he probably saw them fleeing the building. The General’s face turned red at being proven wrong and he snapped his heels together.

“Well, agent Giselle, you better hurry up and get that arm of yours healed because we need you two on the case. I hate to say it, but you’re the best. And I’m not about to take any chances,” he turned on his heel and left the room. Giselle stared after him sourly and then turned her eyes back to Ace.

“You saw them?” she asked not bothering to hide the surprise in her voice. He nodded in reply and she felt her blood rush to her cheeks. “Why didn’t you stop them!” she bellowed and Ace’s brow creased in confusion.

“What do you mean? And leave you hurt!” he shouted back. Giselle doubled back at this. Ace shook his head at her and folded his arms across his chest. “Absolutely not, for one no agent is left behind and-“

“And two?” she interrupted, her voice bubbled with annoyance. Ace’s features softened and he took her hand.

“And two is that I was too worried. They could have killed you Giselle! I could have found you dead and…” his voice choked and Giselle had her foot in her mouth for being so insensitive. She found she had her foot lodged in her mouth and scrambled to could apologize but he beat her to speak. “And, I couldn’t live knowing I had a chance to save you but I passed it up to catch some crooks. Listen, there is honor among spies and that is take care of you and yours, and…” he paused leaving his sentiment unfinished. Giselle cast her eyes down and she sighed struggling to say something to ease his pain. She glanced sideways at him and nudged him playfully.

“Hey. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to get short with you. It’s just… the General has that effect on me,” she smiled and watched the smile break across his lips. He laughed as she teased the General and sat up straight. He glanced to her arm in the cast and looked as if he had forgotten to tell her something.

“Oh, the doctor said you’d be good to go the day after tomorrow. So rest up so we can go catch the bad guys,” he said encouragingly.

That was one of the positive things that came out of the war with Korea. As always astonishing medical advances take place due to military funding. You could heal a deep wound with a quick spritz of ointment. Fix a broken limb within two-three days using Corpse technology. Corpse was the one responsible for all the technological doo-dads that healed you up. The brainiacs that worked there for their living were each assigned a personal soldier during the war as a guard. Prime Minister Arden couldn’t have all of their intelligence going to Korea during the war, that wouldn’t be pretty. Giselle frowned as a thought occurred to her.

“We have no leads, no idea where the bad guys are,” she voiced her concern and saw him think this point over.
“We might, once you are better. I suppose in the mean time we can offer our services to the police force. They are way over their heads with these murders. We might as well do something with ourselves,” he answered enthusiastically. Giselle brightened at this and nodded. “Good, now go to sleep. I’m going to go do some research on the murder cases. I’ll come back when you’re awake and show you what I’ve found.” Giselle was about to object to the fact that she wasn’t in the least bit tired; it was a broken bone not a case of pneumonia, but decided not to and nodded. She snuggled back down in to bed and closed her eyes to give the illusion that she was tired.

Chapter Seven
Thursday, August 22 2034
10:30pm

The young girl sat in her hospital bed staring out of the window that was barred off to her, lined in iron so she couldn’t jump out of it as she tried earlier that day. A nurse came in, the third one of that day and asked her name. She stared at her imploringly and cursed.

“For the last time I don’t know my damn name! If I knew it I would have told you! I can’t remember! It was that damn man! He killed them! He killed them! Why won’t you listen? He killed them and I can catch him! He was always smiling and he is the one who made me forget! He made me forget everything! But I remember him! I remember him and what he’s done to me!” she howled feeling her rage boil over. The nurse remained calm and marked something in her notes. She frowned and looked back at her.

“Do you think you’re name could be Mary?” she asked as if the name would trigger something in the girls’ memory. She howled in fury and lunged at the nurse, with every intention of giving her a slapping good enough to knock some sense into her. The nurse, swifter than her, grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back. A pain shot through her and the nurse drove her to the ground. She quickly produced a needle and injected her with a serum that was used to calm patients down. She winced as it entered her blood stream and slumped over. The nurse released her and she sat on the ground feeling like she didn’t want to do much of anything. The nurse picked her notebook back up and checked something off. “Alice?” she asked again. The girl groaned, stood up and walked back to her bed.

“I know my name,” she said declared spitefully. The nurse looked up quizzically and raised her brow as a gesture for the girl to continue. “It’s nobody. I won’t answer to anything else,” she said stubbornly. She turned her gaze back out the window and thought of the man that ruined her life. Because of him everyone thought she was crazy. She knew she’d prove them wrong.

Chapter Eight
Saturday, August 24 2034
1:15 pm

Giselle and Ace stepped into the lobby of Crawford Hall and looked around. It was a tidy little lobby with a pleasant faced receptionist and light elevator music playing, with marble floors and large comfortable chairs. This was, of course, the only peaceful place in Crawford Hall. And its serenity was occasionally interrupted with a high-pitched, blood curdling, scream from somewhere above. Crawford Hall was a mental home; it was in fact the very mental home that a victim of a recent assault would be kept until she became mentally stable enough to be replaced amongst society. The receptionist greeted them with a smile on her face and an ear-splitting scream broke through the gentle silence that the lobby maintained. The receptionists’ smile quivered at the edges and fatigue spilled across her features. Ace and Giselle showed the woman their government IDs and asked to see the patient that was featured on the news; the receptionist gave them the patients’ room number and they excused themselve. Once they arrived at the patients’ door they heard a terrible screaming come from inside, mostly incoherent; except for one string of words shouted a degree louder than the rest.

“You stupid, wretched, foul little thing! I’ve told you more than necessary what happened! No one here listens to me! I know how to catch the man who did this to me! Does no one here care that there is justice?” she demanded. With that Ace pounded on the door, so that he could be heard above the howling, and waited. The shrieking silenced immediately and heavy foot steps sounded from across the room. The door was thrown open and the nurse looked up expectantly, and then her features fell, they weren’t the ones she wanted to see. She assumed a surly face and tapped her foot at them.

“What?” she asked shortly. Ace showed her his badge before tucking it away and clearing his throat.

“We’d like a moment to speak with this patient. If that’s alright?” he asked politely. The nurse pursed her lips and glanced inside at the small girl restrained at her bed, who glared back at her. The nurse returned her gaze to the two and furrowed her brow.

“I’m afraid she isn’t in the most sociable of moods but –“

“That’s quite alright.” Ace interrupted her. “If you’d prefer to supervise than by all means please do, but this is really quite important and I’m afraid we’re pressed for time madam,” he said, his voice taking a formally polite tone to it. The nurse’s face got red and she stepped aside to let the two walk in.
Giselle pulled a chair up to the side of the bed, and Ace did the same at the other and the little girl glared at them both. She set a pair of particularly venomous eyes on Giselle and snarled.

“What the hell do you want? More shrinks! I don’t need a shrink I need to catch the man who put me in here! Everyone thinks I’m crazy because of him! He’s going to pay! He’s going to pay for everything!” she shrieked and began thrashing against her restraints again. Ace glanced at Giselle before placing a calming hand on the young girls shoulder. She stopped after a while and stared at Ace. He removed his hand and cleared his voice.

“Well, that is why we’re here, Miss-”

“Nobody. Call me nobody.” She answered snarling. That brought a smile to Giselle’s face as snippets from the Odyssey began to flutter around in her mind.

“Well that is why we’re here Miss Nobody," he began and folded his hands together, his tone pleasant, like he was visiting an old friend. The girl stared at him blankly, expecting them to not believe her. “You see, the police really have no leads in this case, your case, and they’ve been told that you aren’t exactly, in a state fit enough to speak with them. If you understand,” he explained with a smile. The girl spat at this.

“They would have been told so; everyone at this damned place thinks I’m crazy! But all I’ve wanted was to be able to catch the man who’s done this to me! To kill him! All anyone cares about here is my name!” She ranted, and then suddenly turned on Giselle and caught her smiling. Giselle flinched back, and the young girl laughed. “You think I’m crazy too, don’t you?” she accused of her. Giselle turned her head so she was peering at the girl out of the corner of her eye but didn’t answer her question.

“You said it was a man?” she asked in return instead. The girl frowned and slumped in her bed, her eyes taking a distant quality. She grimaced and then looked up at Giselle.

“Yes, it was a man.” she answered quietly. Ace was the one to speak next.

“What did he look like?” he asked, the young girl bit her lip and took a deep breath.

“He was tall, maybe as tall as you, with all black on, and a mask,” she began slowly, as if piecing together this image in her mind.

“A mask?” Giselle asked. The young girl glared at her and something like a growl came from her chest.

“That’s what I said didn’t I?” she said hatefully, then turned her back on Giselle and looked at Ace. “It was a mask that was smiling, with tiny slits for eyes,” she explained in a voice much sweeter than the one she used with Giselle. Ace nodded and arched a brow at this.

“Really, and what was his hair color?” he asked her. The girl shook her head and closed her eyes.

“Black,” she answered slower than before, her tone was uncertain. “Or brown… but I can’t be certain,” she said.

“Ethnicity?”

“I don’t know,” she answered quickly. “That I really don’t know. He wasn’t showing any skin,” she looked at Ace, and then back to the bed. Ace looked distantly annoyed that the perpetrator was described as vaguely as this. He shrugged and then bent forward and spoke in a low voice, like he was telling her a secret.

“I know this may be hard for you to do, but I am going to need you to tell me what happened that day,” he said meeting her wavering gaze. The young girl sucked in a deep breath and held it. She was clearly debating on whether or not to tell him. Finally she released her breath and glanced at the nurse by the door that looked as if she didn’t approve of the scene in front of her. The young girl smiled and began,

“I was sitting at a pond and…” as she recounted the events she began to grow more and more agitated, and by the end her voice nearly reached a shout. Once she finished she was panting. “And now I am here, tied up like a prisoner being tortured at war! I am not crazy! I’m not crazy! You don’t believe I’m crazy do you?” she asked Ace. He shook his head in reply and looked to the nurse.

“Do you think you could untie her for me please?” he said his tone polite. The nurse looked for a moment that she would deny, then nodded grudgingly and moved to the bed with caution, and released the restraints. The young girl rubbed her raw wrists and tucked her knees to her chest. Ace appeared lost in thought for a good while before standing from his seat. The girl looked sharply up at him and pouted.

“Where are you going?” she asked. “You aren’t leaving me hear are you?” Ace nodded sympathetically before bowing to her gallantly.

“I apologize, but we’re going to go and catch the man you described,” he said and the two began to walk to the door before her voice cried out after them.

“No! You can’t leave me hear! You yourself said you don’t think I’m crazy! I don’t belong here! Take me with you!” she pleaded. Ace bowed his head apologetically and shook his head. She began screeching and they turned away from her and headed toward the elevator. The girls’ cries slowly dying out behind them.  
PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 9:30 am
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Miss_Comet

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Miss_Comet

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PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 3:43 pm
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