Her Wonderland.

[l2iza]

Oh god. Another one of Neko's stories. Dx Yeah, yeah, stfu. D:> Oh well. I had to make this for my English class kinda thing. She required us to make a fictional story and I made one... I like it pretty well, so read it please and leave a comment? Ty.

And I'm 13* yrs. old (May 3 was my b-day) and in 7th grade. Don't hate on me, please. gonk

And yes. It's supposed to be short. D:>  

[l2iza]

" 彼女のワンダーランド "
" Her Wonderland "

♥ • ♥ • ♥

Nao's feminine, dark eyes wandered aimlessly away from the mound of papers upon her lap as she tapped a scarlet mechanical pencil against her chin absentmindedly. She was a girl around seventeen or eighteen years old, but seemingly younger looking because of her large eyes and button face. Sitting alone on the ruffled sheets of her plain, purple bed, she let her mind wander freely away from her highschool homework. The opened window above her head encouraged a breeze and carressed her ebony hair lightly, let it whip gently around her child-like face. Streams of carlights glimmered from the busy streets of Tokyo and hit the walls like rays of colorful sunshine. Though the day had disappeared hours ago, the city she resided in never seemed to lose its bright light.

A long day at school was enough for a petite girl like her, where she exerted and devoted all her energy towards grades, but when Nao came home to her compact apartment, feeling fatigue in her shoulders and lack of sleep pound on her eyelids, her body was more than ready for some rest. That was when Nao's dreams and imagination took over. It was when her fantasies collided with reality. Sleep... Slowly her eyelids began to drift down. They were falling so that the light that shone on the walls was beginning to not be visible. Finally, her strength had vanished and Nao was unable to keep fighting the dreams that were calling her name softly - that were tempting her to put an end to the sleepless nights - and she gave in.

Nao found herself on a stone bench, curled up with the warm sun beating brightly against her back. Her eyes opened slowly and surely as she positioned herself up so she could get a better veiw of everything around her. Of course, she was bewildered. Very confused, in fact. Where had her simple bedroom gone? She wasn't in Tokyo that's for sure.

Sitting up, Nao looked down at the bench and saw pink petals. Her attention immediately focused upwards, and sure enough, they were cherry blossom trees. Sakura trees... The ones she had always dreamed of. All her life she wanted to live somewhere were these trees populated in the hundreds. Yes, there were quite a few in Tokyo, but none ever so gorgeous as these. And under bright, blue skies too! Not like the smog-struck air in the bustling cities. Nao gazed in awe as she viewed the scenery that surrounded her. It was almost magical how absolutely stunning it was here.

There was a rustle of leaves as a wind blew away the hundreds of fallen blossoms. This was why Spring was her favorite season. All of the blooming plants and the heated sun... it warmed her heart. There was another breeze, but this time someone she sensed was lurking around here. Nao turned her head nervously and got up from the bench a bit skitterish. "Hello?" she asked timidly, twindling her thumbs around anxiously.

Behind the dark wood of a sakura tree came a boy her age or a year older. His chocolate-colored hair covered most of his forehead and some of his eyes as he smiled mysteriously. Raising a hand he waved shyly and stuttered in place as if he wasn't sure if it was alright to move any closer up to Nao.

Nao cocked her head to the side like a confused child and bit her lower lip. "You can sit," she replied flatly to his hesitant actions and motioned him to sit. "I don't bite." Nao was always tried to be encouraging and open to people, but was her coy side got the best of her when it came to boys. This time, there was something about this young man that appealed to her and just made her feel more comfortable.

The boy nodded bashfully, and stepped forward with perfect balance, taking a seat at the far edge of the bench. Nao chewed the inside of her lip. Maybe she was a bit too forward and made it a little awkward for him to be sitting with a stranger. Sighing, Nao perked up, "What's your name?" she asked with a curious grin.

His eyes lit up, and he looked as if he was thrown backwards. Half smiling, he quietly replied, "Kaze... What's your's?" He tried avoiding her eyes by looking at his lap, but it only succeded when Nao looked straight ahead dreamily, gazing at the world around her. Only then was he able to get away from her cheerful stare.

Grinning to hear such a melodic voice, Nao brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "I'm Nao. Pleased to meet you, Kaze." Nao reached out her hand, and held it out for him to shake, but he looked at it uneasily, as if something were to happen. "It's alright," her voice was calm, and caring. Finally, he too, accepted her hand. There was a moment of tense silence and the wind rushed. Kaze's eyes widdened as life itself was beginning to peel away like paper. His hands were dematerializing as was the rest of his body and the lush zen gardens. Everything was slipping away. Except for Nao herself.

Nao's eyes were wide in fright. "What did I do wrong?! What's happening?!" she shouted fearfully, standing up, but her voice was drowned out in all the havoc that was happening. "Kaze! Don't go!" Her words were still being buried deep within the wind's howl and before she knew it, almost all of his body was gone. The sakura trees were being destroyed in a flurry of pink blossoms. The once quiet stream of water was being evaporated into the air. Everything was being obliterated by the nothingness.

Tears welled up in her eyes as her thoughts ran wild. What did I do?... What did I do? All this was intimidating her, but Kaze's sad smile gave her small reassurance. "I'm sorry. Just don't worry about anything right now," he said through the wind clearly. Kaze sighed as his body was finally deteriorated. "Just remember me. I'll always be there... because I am the wind..."
There was no more left of Kaze or the land Nao was once standing on. Black nothingness was all that was left and she was plummeting into a void. Her body fell hopelessly down and down in an endless pit. It was as if she was plunging deeper and deeper down in slow motion. But it went by all too fast. She had just met Kaze a minute ago it seemed. Nao finally found her dreamland, and now it's gone? Dreamland... Dreams. It's a dream. It's a dream. Her head repeated that over and over again until once more she was asleep.

Nao awoke noxiously on her plain, purple bed, tangled in dark blue sheets, her half-finished homework on the floor. Beads of sweat hung enviously on her forehead as she wiped away the tears she had cried for Kaze. Kaze. He said he was the wind. That would mean he's okay... Nao thought thankfully. In her eyes Kaze wasn't a figment of her imagination. He was real. Alive. Breathing. Everywhere in this world. Nao smiled to herself and watched the her hair blow in the wind. "Hi, Kaze."  

[Enchanted Seduction]

Wow, 9/1O, I wish I could write like you. The only issue I had was the paragraphs kind of ran together. My suggestion is to put a blank line between each paragraph. Other than that...amazing! Especially for a 12 yr. old, I pretty much sucked when I was your age, but I'm working on it(:  

[l2iza]

@Bri: Tysm. > 3< Okay. I did so. Thnx again. n__n  

[Priestess of Sekhmet]

Nao's feminine, dark eyes wandered aimlessly away from the mound of papers upon her lap as she tapped a scarlet mechanical pencil against her chin absentmindedly. She was a girl around seventeen or eighteen years old, but seemingly younger looking because of her large eyes and button face. Sitting alone on the ruffled sheets of her plain, purple bed, she let her mind wander freely away from her high school homework. The opened window above her head encouraged a breeze and caressedher ebony ((Little cliche)) hair lightly, let it whip gently around her child-like face. Streams of car lights glimmered from the busy streets of Tokyo and hit the walls like rays of colorful sunshine ((Beautiful imagery!)). Though the day had disappeared hours ago, the city she resided in never seemed to lose its bright light.

A long day at school was enough for a petite girl like her, where she exerted and devoted all her energy towards grades, ((.))but When Nao came home to her compact apartment, feeling fatigue in her shoulders and lack of sleep pound on her eyelids, her body was more than ready for some rest. ((WOAH, that is one crazy run on sentence.)) That was when Nao's dreams and imagination took over. It was when her fantasies collided with reality. Sleep... Slowly her eyelids began to drift down. They were falling so that the light that shone on the walls was beginning to not be visible. ((I'm not sure why I don't like that sentence. It flows, but the imagery is more reminiscent of one being drugged, I think.)) Finally, her strength had vanished and Nao was unable to keep fighting the dreams that were calling her name softly - that were tempting her to put an end to the sleepless nights - and she gave in.

Nao ((you use her name sooooo many times. Don't be scared of pronouns!)) found herself on a stone bench, curled up with the warm sun beating brightly ((if she's asleep, why is it bright? Warm, maybe?)) against her back. Her eyes opened slowly and surely as she positioned herself up so she could get a better veiw ((view)) of everything around her. Of course, she was bewildered. Very confused, in fact. ((Synonyms. "Of course" feels a tad condescending.)) Where had her simple bedroom gone? She wasn't in Tokyo((,)) that's((was)) for sure.

Sitting up, Nao looked down at the bench and saw pink petals. Her attention immediately focused upwards, and sure enough, they were cherry blossom trees. Sakura trees... The ones she had always dreamed of. All her life she wanted to live somewhere were((where)) these trees populated in the hundreds. ((Grew by the hundreds, maybe. But, "populated" is used incorrectly here. Populated the city would be fine, too.)) Yes, there were quite a few in Tokyo, but none ever so gorgeous as these. And under bright, blue skies too! Not like the smog-struck air in the bustling cities. Nao gazed in awe as she viewed the scenery that surrounded her. It was almost magical how absolutely stunning it was here.

There was a rustle of leaves as a wind blew away the hundreds of fallen blossoms. This was why Spring was her favorite season. All of the blooming plants and the heated sun... it warmed her heart. ((I see what chu did there...-_-)) There was another breeze, but this time someone she sensed was lurking around here. Nao turned her head nervously and got up from the bench a bit skitterish ((skittish)). "Hello?" she asked timidly, twindling ((twiddling)) her thumbs around anxiously.

Behind the dark wood of a sakura ((You capitalized this before...)) tree came a boy her age or a year older. His chocolate-colored hair covered most of his forehead and some of his eyes as he smiled mysteriously. Raising a hand he waved shyly and stuttered in place as if he wasn't sure if it was alright to move any closer up to Nao. ((Nice. biggrin ))

Nao cocked her head to the side like a confused child and bit her lower lip. "You can sit," she replied flatly to his hesitant actions and motioned him to sit. ((You use "sit" twice here, and it sounds a little strange.)) "I don't bite." Nao was always tried((I think you mean trying?)) to be encouraging and open to people, but was her coy side got the best of her ((What??)) when it came to boys. This time, there was something about this young man that appealed to her and just made her feel more comfortable.

The boy nodded bashfully, and stepped forward with perfect balance, taking a seat at the far edge of the bench. Nao chewed the inside of her lip. Maybe she was a bit too forward and made it a little awkward for him to be sitting with a stranger. Sighing, Nao perked up, "What's your name?" she asked with a curious grin. ((She's worried about being to forward and inappropriate, so she asks his name?))

His eyes lit up, and he looked as if he was thrown backwards. Half smiling, he quietly replied, "Kaze... What's your's?((yours))" He tried avoiding her eyes by looking at his lap, but it only succeded ((succeeded)) when Nao looked straight ahead dreamily, gazing at the world around her. Only then was he able to get away from her cheerful stare. (("Only" twice.))

Grinning to ((at hearing)) hear such a melodic voice, Nao brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "I'm Nao. Pleased to meet you, Kaze." Nao reached out her hand, and held it out for him to shake, but he looked at it uneasily, as if something were to happen. "It's alright," her voice was calm, and caring. Finally, he too, accepted her hand. There was a moment of tense silence and the wind rushed. Kaze's eyes widdened ((widened)) as life itself was beginning to peel away like paper. His hands were dematerializing (("dematerializing" isn't a word. Disappearing fits better with the flow of the story.)) as was the rest of his body and the lush zen gardens. Everything was slipping away. Except for Nao herself.

Sorry, can't do more. Gotta go.  

[l2iza]

Omg. xD Thanks soooo much! <3 I hate no spell checks and grammer checks... (:  

[Priestess of Sekhmet]

You're welcome! I really liked the story, so I'm sorry if I came off a bit...mean. I try to be honest and not lie to people but sometimes I'm a little too blunt. sweatdrop sweatdrop  

[l2iza]

It's okay. n__n I need to work on my writing anyways. (: