DIE DIE!!!

[Iakun]

Now that I got your attention... lol There's something very important I'd like to discuss: thinking about others... especially before you open your big fat ******** trap. Yes, you can tell there's a bit of anger behind this but it's accompanied by an overwhelming sense of vulnerability and disappointment.

There was an incident at one of the bigger grocery stores this week. I had to go shopping for a few items for my sister and in the parking lot (Moonracer already knows about this since I pretty much wanted to kill myself that day) a guy passing by with his friends laughed at me and told me to die a couple times. It's very obvious why he did this; I'm obese. There... I've said it. I have nothing to hide on that front anymore.

I was hurt, a lot. It was difficult to even continue doing what I had to do that day but my sister really needed me because she couldn't really go do it herself for surgical reasons. (I guess that's the best way to put it) But when I got home, I crumbled, I cried. But when I had finally gotten over that and talked to Moon for a bit, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of disappointment in the human race.

This guy that did this, make me feel like utter s**t to the point I want to kill myself, wasn't even a child by biological standards. He was an adult. My question is, what the ******** is wrong with people? What makes people think they have the right to say something that terrible to another human being? So I'm fat, so I'm different, so I'm not perfect, so ******** what!? Is it so hard to think about how your words will affect someone else?

He doesn't know how utterly depressed I get. He doesn't know how suicidal my thoughts have turned. He doesn't know how utterly defeated I feel because of my problem. Why? Because he's like most people in the world: utterly stupid and unable to think and feel about others before they open their trap.

I suppose it's because as a society we expect perfection and when we see imperfection quite visibly, such as in a fat person, it's almost as if there's social permission to make them feel like s**t. But what does that say about us as a society when we lack such empathy for others?  

[purpleravenhawk]

*virtual hugs* That was utterly unacceptable behavior, and I cannot possibly convey how badly I feel for you. There really is so much wrong with society and humanity as a whole. It permits, and even encourages, so much that just shouldn't be acceptable to anyone. That's why I'm always advocating that people look outside themselves and try to be better. But most importantly, we must be comfortable with ourselves. People who behave like that are so uncomfortable with themselves that anyone else who is different or ugly to them in some way becomes an enemy on a primal level. I'm not making excuses, far from it; I'm explaining. It's the only way I know how to deal with this kind of thing. I guess I feel that if something can be explained, it can be dealt with more easily. Fear of the unknown and all that.

I've never had anyone say anything like that to me, so I can't know exactly what it feels like. But I'm overweight too, and I've heard the whispers and seen the looks. I know one self-loathing woman who is bigger than me but who once said that if she got any bigger she would kill herself. I found that immensely disturbing, not only because it meant she viewed those bigger than her as worthy of death but also because she obviously didn't value anyone's life enough to see beyond a weight number, even her own.

These days, weight isn't as much of an issue for me. I have...other things that bother me more. But when I was a teenager, it was the first thing on my mind. Ironically, I was skinnier then. But I was so obsessed with it, I went on a lot of crash diets, ******** up my digestive system so that I can't lose weight now without meds. I saw my weight as the source of my social problems. I see now that it wasn't, but too late. I could blame my mom, who definitely had a huge hand in creating my erroneous perspective; or my cousins, who treated me like something to be pitied; but blame was never going to help me. I had to step outside of it.

I hope you feel better today. It may not be much consolation, but you are so much better than people like that. Try to remember that. It's not what you are or what you look like that's important; it's who you are and what you do. People like that will likely never see the world for what it could be; meanwhile, you are a great human being who can rise above such disgusting behavior and live in the metaphorical clouds if you want to. The fact that you haven't yet should make those neanderthals feel lucky that they had a chance to see what a real human being is like. They couldn't touch you, so they tried to hurt you. Don't let them do either.  

[Iakun]

Thanks purple. Actually I want to apologize for the swearing and I really didn't mean the first post to come off like a blog entry. I was just unsure of how to present the topic. I'm feeling much better today than I felt that other day and a huge part of it is because of my friends. I might not have a lot but the ones I do have are incredible to me.

Originally I had meant the topic to be more broad; it was about the utter thoughtlessness people can show in their treatment of others. But I think what's more important to me is the weight thing. It feels like one of the last few things that society gives permission to ridicule openly.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that when you were younger. That actually sounds pretty frustrating, especially when some of the negativity comes from one's own parents.

What helps me to calm down and not feel so bad (aside from support from friends) is the thought the most people are largely ignorant. Not so much about information, it's more like humanity still hasn't evolved to a point where we can all be more empathetic. I suck at articulating these particular thoughts without veering off into more spiritual aspects of discussion.  

[purpleravenhawk]

Yeah, I was gonna say something about that until I saw where it was coming from. xd I know you weren't just flailing randomly; it was directed at a very particular problem. And since you have a nice history of mediating and being the cool head, I knew you wouldn't take it any further. No worries.

Thoughtlessness really is a broad topic. Ye gods, that discussion would be huge. Even between just you and me, we could probably construct a list a mile long. Then I could cover the psychological aspects, and you could point out the middle path. It would go on forever. xd Honestly, I think people would ridicule a lot more if it weren't for the political correctness movement. I guess that's one reason I support moderate PC-ness. But the weight thing is definitely coming to a head, it seems. Between the fashion industry and the fast food scandals, it seems to be the goat du jour, so to speak.

Criticism from a parent is definitely hard to deal with. Especially when that parent is your main connection to the outside world. My mom had...issues. Most of them I understand and have dealt with on my own. Some, like the weight thing, are still touchy subjects for me. I eat more healthy than anyone else in the house, including her, and she still finds little ways to point out her disapproval of my diet. She never really grew up, I think. sad

I really wish people would evolve. Whether you want to believe that it has to come from spirituality or intellect, I wish we could take the next step. I'd say we're still basically just animals, but animals work pretty well together. We're in a perpetual transitional phase. I guess that's life, huh?  

[Iakun]

This whole thing about weight seems so deeply embedded in our world. I suppose I should talk more about North America since this is what we all have more knowledge of. But it's a funny coincidence how I posted this thread and you posted a thread that's basically about society's current perception of what Plus Size is. It all just feels ridiculous.

I think some people just need to look at the facts. For instance, if your dietary habits are better than the rest of your family, they really have no room to say a negative thing about you. There's a misconception that it's easy to lose weight, that eating right and exercising will make it melt off. Recent studies have shown that genes play a far larger part than originally thought in regulating our weight and how our body reacts to the foods we ingest. But people don't pay attention because it's easier to just say we're lazy-a** fatsos who shovel food by the ton.

Plenty of people eat well and exercise and get nowhere. It's also not that fair that women in general have a harder time than men since they're not meant to have as much muscle, and naturally have a higher body fat percentage. An even further insult is how large an industry weight loss has become. A personal trainer can cost hundreds of dollars PER HOUR. Nutritionists cost a ton of money to visit as well, and most doctors just tell you to go lose weight without any resources, as if it's the easier thing in the world. (my doctor)

If they do give resources it's always Jenny Craig or Weightwatchers, the first of which needs you to pay money not only for their service but also their prepackaged meals which has made plenty of people sick, and the second of which forces you to be in a group setting and has you laboriously counting every tiny point and calorie rather than giving you real nutritional education about various food stuffs.  

[purpleravenhawk]

That is funny; I thought about it after I posted that ad. I told some coworkers about it today, and they all agreed that calling size 12 a plus size is taking it too far. 3nodding

Hmm...*looks at relatives* Yeah, I think my genes might have something to do with it. My brother has always been able to just do whatever he wants and not gain any weight, so I'm guessing it's cuz he's a guy. For me, it's a struggle just to not gain weight, forget about losing it.

My dad joined a weight-loss group when I was a kid. He was spending so much on the program that there was no money for food for the rest of us. It was stupid.

People really don't realize how hard it can be. Some people are just lucky to have been born with great metabolisms and genes and whatnot.  

[Iakun]

Families can show genetic trends but there are flukes every now and then. For instance my sister has a perfect body, can wear all the small sizes etc. Everyone else in my family is at best, husky. Most are fat.

Meal trends do also play a part. My family's european so we make a lot more rich and fatty foods. But my sister eats that crap too and doesn't gain a pound. She's a miracle as far as I'm concerned.  

[purpleravenhawk]

There's girl I work with who's the tiniest person you've ever seen. About 4'6", no more than 80-85 pounds. She has to wear kids clothes. xd She hates being told she needs to gain weight, but she looks like you could break her arm bone by poking her. xp Funny thing, tho, she doesn't look anorexic. It's like her bones were designed to be tiny and not carry much weight. Some people just look healthy with more or less weight than is classified as healthy for them. I've seen people who are technically overweight who look absolutely beautiful to me. 3nodding Am I crazy?  

[Iakun]

No, I don't think that's crazy. Star Jones, a former host of The View, used to be really fat. She then lost an assload of weight but I think she lost too much. She looked great but she had a couple problems with her resulting look: her head looked too big for her neck because her neck turned into this scary thin chicken neck.

Being a little over or underweight doesn't inherently mean someone is unhealthy and gonna die. So we shouldn't be killing ourselves to fit this specific mold society has set out for us. Health should be of the utmost importance.  

[purpleravenhawk]

Hear, hear! surprised I remember that woman, but I haven't seen her since the weight loss. Sounds like that's a good thing. xd  

[Moonracer]

Well I'm late to the party as usual. *chuckles*

Yeah, I remember that day and people still make me roll my eyes and wonder how, but then that one person comes a long and restores my faith in the human race.

It is sad how weight seems to be a big issue. People, especially doctors, seem to forget or not take into account that we're not all the same. I'm sorry I didn't come out of a mold I'm not going to be the same weight as that other girl that's my height. Why people think that is beyond me we're all different there for we're going to have different weights that are healthier for us.

Also you have to take into account that there are some people who have smaller bones, like that one girl at your work Purple. While there are people like me who have bigger or denser bones. So just taking those two facts alone into account two girls one with lighter/smaller bones and the other with denser/heavier bones aren't going to have the same weight even if they're they same size.

Another thing that bugs me is it isn't just over weight people that are attacked but under weight people as well. Sure some of them yeah they have an eating disorder, but not all of them. I had a friend that she had to shovel constantly. Ya know basically eat like a pro athlete or ya know someone who is very active she had to eat high fats and stuff just so she didn't die cause she just couldn't gain weight. People told her all the time, "you need to put meat on those bones. You're too skinny" and such and she was trying the best she could do was try to stay at a constant weight. Person who cares if someone is over weight, to skinny, just right, tall, short, average or what we're all the same a human being.

As for why it's okay to bash on people for being different...I think even god is scratching his head on that one. It's not just weight, but right now that seems to be the main one...but for me it was my hair, my last name, and my clothes. I may not know what it's like to be picked on and told to "die" because of my weight, but I do know what it's like to be picked on mercilessly.

I was poor, I dumpster dived with my mom for glass bottles and aluminum cans just so we could have money for groceries. My last name is was a fun thing they picked on me about. My hair is...well it is very curly and when there is high humidity it frizzes bad so I can basically do an Afro without even trying. I was called everything from bush to Medusa so my hair is still a bit of a soar subject with me so I can understand. Then being as I was poor I got hand me down clothes from my mom, my dad, my mom's friends, or at thrift stores when we could afford it. Yeah because I didn't have designer clothes or at least up their in fashion I was picked on. Then there was my dad...yeah lets just say I was not the most self-confident kid out there. In fact my motto was "Fake it till ya make it" and that's what I did and still do quite often.

It's odd though how kids even young ones will start to pick on other kids...and I guess I just don't understand this I mean really why pick on this kid you don't even know? Why pick on that kid cause they're super tall for an 8 year old? Me...I'd think they were the coolest thing. Shoot when I was little I saw a kid with asthma have to take an inhaler I told her "I want one of those" she told me I didn't...now I do and she's right only cause it cause your first born just to breath! Other then that I still think it's cool! However, I know I'm odd in how I see the world or think. I lived in Texas for most of my life and in one area there was a store that was still racist towards black people and I had a black friend. We tried to go into the store and the guy said, "She's not welcomed here." I turned and looked at my friend then back at the guy, "Why not?" He then says, "Cause shes black." I turned and looked at my friend, "Holy crap you're black! When did that happen!" She looked at me, "Uh...I was born this way." I blinked, "Huh...never noticed." I looked back at the guy, "So?" that's all I remember of that incident but yeah didn't even notice she was black till it was blatantly pointed out to me. sweatdrop  

[purpleravenhawk]

Aww, little you sounds like little me when I was about 5 or 6. I had one cousin who was half-Mexican, and I never noticed the skin tone difference. He was just my cousin. whee I didn't think about skin color at all until much, much later. When a black girl told me her ancestors came from Africa, I was surprised and thought it was the coolest thing about her. xd I must have sounded like such an idiot.

Differences shouldn't be ignored or criticized. They should be celebrated.