|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 12:01 pm
 |
|
|
 |
So this is where is all starts. Highschool I mean. The place they say either makes you or breaks you. Where human will is tested. There wrong you know. Highschool is full of lies, hope, and lost dreams. Highschool is a place we populars thrive and everyone else withers into nothing unless your of course the nerd who will run a company more popular than microsoft. For everyone else your nightmare begins. Who am I? I have many names. Nerd, Dweb, Geek, and my favorite loser beyond repair. For now call me Bailey.
Chapter 1
" Move it b***h," she said as she slams me into the locker. She walks away laughing with a bunch of her stuck up friends.
Well aren't you cool I think to myself. The daily stuggle of a nobody. Sure I could have fought back. Give he a clever comback like f you or sorry I won't let it happen again but who the hell really cares. Just your typical day at Greater Lowell Tech. Besides I can always get my a** kicked tomorrow. So, the story continues.
I rush home today. Ryan's coming. The only person who gets me in this lonely world. He's the only person in this world who I don't think of murdering on a regular basis. I slam my door shut. Big mistake on my part. I hear him running towards me. Brace yourself.
"What the hells wrong with you. Where the ******** are you rushing of to!" Meet my dad. A big, giant waste of space. I have this theory. If he dies two people could take his place. Two people who won't sit on their asses all day getting drunk. I don't know what I did to make him so pissed at me all the time. He wasn't always like this just ever since mom died things changed. Now he's just not the same.He takes a swing at his beer.
"Sorry I didn't mean too," I say trying my very best to get past him. I get that familiar pain in my gut hoping to avoid what comes next.
He grabs my arm and I cry out in pain. Then he slaps me square across my face.
"You know your a real pain in my a**," he says, his hot breath sending chills up my spine. A drop of blood rolls to the floor.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 9:34 am
|
|
|
|
moved to the writing prose subforum
Intersting that you chose to write the story in present tense instead of the traditional past tense.
Quote: So this is where is all starts. Highschool I mean. The place they say either makes you or breaks you. Where human will is tested. There wrong you know. Highschool is full of lies, hope, and lost dreams. Highschool is a place we populars thrive and everyone else withers into nothing unless your of course the nerd who will run a company more popular than microsoft. For everyone else your nightmare begins. Who am I? I have many names. Nerd, Dweb, Geek, and my favorite loser beyond repair. For now call me Bailey.
Quote: Highschool is full of lies, hopes, and lost dreams
Microsoft is a company and should be capitalized.
You said earlier in the paragraph that this is a place that popular people like you thrive, and then at the end you call your self a loser beyond repair. Just a little conflicting smile
Quote: " Move it b***h," she said as she slams me into the locker. She walks away laughing with a bunch of her stuck up friends.
next time please put enters between your paragraphs, not just time breaks.
Quote: Give he a clever comback like f you or sorry I won't let it happen again but who the hell really cares.
Quote: "What the hells wrong with you.
Quote: He takes a swing at his beer.
interesting that you use astriks when saying a**, but not asses.
Interesting story so far.
It seems more of a diary entry type of story and since it's coming from a girl, then put more ranting and complaining. There are a couple of times in scattered areas though that I can see where the thought process is going, but because of lack of punctuation the ideas are kind of blended (did that make any sense? sweatdrop )
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
