Who wants to see...

[Spastic waffles]

I know, and I appreciate it. I wasn't bashing it, just noting that it didn't fit with the character. It's a good idea and could work...just not with Amaya. My main is difficult. XD  

[Serenity Reed]

(Sorry I forgot to reply!)
What's your plan, then? Maybe you should just write until your hand hurts, and then set it aside for a time? Saw the new rewrite. 8P Just a sec.  

[Surfingpichu]

Hmm, can I weigh in on this? (Partially because it's short and contains fire)

I liked the descriptions in the beginning and I actually liked the flow a lot. I generally like the idea of starting off a story where something is happening but that's a personal preference thing. I'm assuming this is a sort of prologue type bit.

One thing that kind of made me wonder a bit was how well the little girl held up inside a smoke filled building. Shouldn't she have passed out by that point? That's something that I got burned for (no pun intended!) with my own 'trapped in a burning building' scene the first time I wrote it. Maybe that's just a nitpick, but it's still something to look into.

There were a couple of parts that were a little strange in their wording too. "No door, when opened, ever revealed an escape.", that sounds a little awkward when you read it out loud. Maybe something more like "None of the doors ever seemed to lead to the outside world". That's just me writing on the fly there. XD That's actually not that much better, but you get the idea.

There were a few other things that bothered me a little, but it's basically just wording things. When you said she "Let out a petrified scream." Usually if someone is petrified, they're too scared to move or speak (you know, like as if they'd turned to stone). If you were petrified with fear, you probably wouldn't be able to make a sound at all. Probably terrified would work better or something like that.

Lastly, I think that entire final paragraph could have been done as a conversation instead of just exposition. That would make it more interesting to read and give the mother a bigger role.

So, all in all I like the idea a lot. I'd like to read more into this idea and see what all this is about. It's a good setup, just a few little stylistic things I pointed out. You don't have to take them as law, but, y'know, just thought I'd throw out my two cents. 3nodding  

[Spastic waffles]

You're always welcome to weigh in, and I appreciate your comments. I'll be re-visiting this soon, so I'll keep all of your comments in mind when I do. Thanks for your input!