Story Telling Tutoring

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Welcome children.
Welcome to the tutoring class for story telling.

What's story telling?
Story telling, in the way of role playing, is how one writes out their post; how they write out their characters reactions, emotions, and thoughts.
There are many styles to do so, each of them with their own flow and elegance. Styles are typically unique to the specific person, and copying can be difficult if you have not studied thoroughly.

But sometimes, people cannot flat out tell a good story, or make a good post. And that's what this thread is for.

Since story telling and writing is a difficult thing to learn how to do properly, here's how this class will work.

If you have struggles with story telling, please admit it so with a post, and provide a sample of your work. It can be something random off the top of your head, or a post made in an actual role play. We'll work through and address the problems you have based off of that post. Once we figure out the problem, and a solution, you will make a second post AFTERWARDS, to see how much improvement has been made, and to see if further improvement is needed.  

[Starman Soldier]

So... three months later. Is this still available? I wouldn't say I'm horrible at storytelling, but there is a lot of room for improvement.  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

It's always available. All the lessons are available, always.

What can I help you with?  

[Starman Soldier]

Well, long term I'd like to ascend from semi-lit to advance lit., but for now I'd just like to focus on making a decent post. Here's something I recently did:

Gregory had been sitting at a table with some friends for about an hour, not saying much, just waiting for his wife to finally be ready to leave. It wouldn't be much longer until he just took her home whether she wanted to go or not, he was tired dammit, but then he saw her glance over at him. And unless she had somehow gotten so drunk that he was suddenly absolutely ravishing, that was his cue.

He instructed his squire to prepare the carriage before making his way to his wife. "Ready to go?" He asked. He held out his arm for her because it was the proper thing to do, though he didn't expect that she'd take it.  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Zahzi

Good, good. Only thing I'm really seeing is some possible run on sentences, but I'd prefer a second opinion because that could too be just a difference of writing style.

Now, as far as getting this into advance level, all I can honestly say (from what I've noticed from those who call themselves advance lit) is to go deeper into your character. Write in more depth and detail of how Gregory was feeling at the party. Did he find it boring? Was he upset with something with his wife, or something else but she was the unfortunate target of his release? Or was the party enjoyable until someone did something to irk him? And how exactly did he make his moves? Was the squire always standing at his side, or did he have to go find the guy to tell him his job?  

[Zahzi]

I agree with RGI. The only problem I see is the Run-On sentences.

And as she said, Advanced Literature is pretty much just going in-depth with your writing.  

[Starman Soldier]

Thanks for the advice! Is this better?

Gregory had been sitting at a table with some friends for about an hour. He didn't say much; he mainly just listened to their jests, smiling occasionally. Really, he was just waiting for his wife to finally be ready to leave. It wouldn't be much longer until he just took her home whether she wanted to go or not. It was late for him anyway, and he was tired. Fortunately, he thought he saw her glance at him, and unless she had somehow gotten so drunk that he was suddenly absolutely ravishing, that was his cue.

He motioned to his squire to prepare the carriage before making his way to his wife. "Ready to go?" He asked. He held out his arm for her because it was the proper thing to do. He didn't expect her to take it however, after all that had happened.  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Much better. Those run on sentences are gone.
After that, I cannot see much else to fix. You're a good poster. ^^

Would you like anymore help?  

[Starman Soldier]

I think I'm weakest at characterization. Any way you could help with that?  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Sure. I don't see any issue with helping you out on that.
How may we help you with that?

I feel a little stupid for having to look up characterization as I didn't have any kind of definition in my head for the word, but even after looking it up I'm still not exactly sure where you need help. So if you could explain that would be great please. ^^;  

[Starman Soldier]

Basically having realistic interesting characters that act consistently throughout the RP.  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Ah, I understand now. And I can see the struggle. That is a tricky thing to do, and a hard thing to teach, because every role play works in a different universe so naturally the characters need to be different. So if you're using the same character over and over, they do need to change in some elements (like their backround story, equipment, and maybe a bit of personality), but some elements can remain (personality, key things in your history/life). This all varies though on your role play.
One thing to keep in mind is to never go over the top. Zahzi once made a Fallout role play and he actually got someone applying with a character who came out of a vault, had no combat experience what so ever, but managed to kill some of the toughest soldiers in the wasteland, then wear the armor without any proper training, and could kill anything or anyone no problem. While this IS possible in the video game, that's no where close to be realistic.
So, while you're trying not to go overboard, also don't undermine yourself. Playing the weakest link is always necessarily bad but it is troublesome. As a weakling, you can't do many things yourself so others have to come into your situation and help out to keep your character alive. Once in a while in fine, if it's good enough and realistic, but all the time is annoying.

Does this help any?  

[Starman Soldier]

That wasn't quite what I was looking for. What if I used the word "vivid" instead of "realistic?"  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Zahzi

I'm still not quite understanding what you're seeking here.
You're want your characters to seem like actual people? And not like, well, characters?