Imagine what life was like in the Dark Ages. Now imagine what life was like in the Dark Ages with magic. Magic of course means everything magical, whether it’s magical creatures or magical toothbrushes. This story unfortunately does not involve a magical toothbrush. This is the story of a young man named Norman Dibbings. He wasn’t very bright, talented, strong, brave, or good looking. Actually, that’s a bit generous. He was dim witted, useless, weak, wimpy and ugly. He had recently moved out of his parent’s house after miserably failing his final school exams, and was ‘seeking’ a job.
‘OI DIBBINGS!’ called the landlady. Although it’s hard to be certain that she is in fact a lady. ‘I WARNED YOU THA’ IF YA DI’N’T PAY THE DAMN RENT BY TODAY I WERE GONNA KICK YA OUT!’
‘I’ll pay the rent when I have a job Mrs Gorbly,’ replied Norman as he doodled in his notepad. He was rather tall and skinny, with messy dark blond hair, greyish green squinty eyes, and messy, dirty clothes which were clearly just thrown on with no thought. He hadn’t had a bath in a while, so he was dirty and smelled of dung.
‘YOU AIN’T GETTIN’ NO JOB THOUGH! GO GET A JOB BY THIS EVENING OR I’LL KICK YA OUT!’ Norman heard Mrs Gorbly thud back down the hallway.
He pondered on what job he could get with his qualifications and remembered that he had none. What job could he get that paid enough to pay the rent and get him some edible food, and would accept any old idiot...? The heroes guild would accept anyone and pay just about enough as long as you kill something by the end of the day. That would do. Norman wasn’t strong or brave of course, but the guild would realise this and just give him the easy tasks. No problem.
Norman went to get his coat from the wardrobe and realised he was already wearing it. So he stepped out of his room, waddled down the stairs, and swung the door open and stepped through. He looked around, scanning the city to see where he had to go, then noticed he hadn’t put his boots on. He grumbled and went back inside.

The guild was small. A simple wood structure, probably only put up with the intention of taking it down in a couple of months. Still, it had been there all his life. Norman went in and spoke to a man in cheap armour at a desk.
‘Hi, I’d like to join?’ he asked. It was a statement, but Norman had the ability to turn the most blatant facts into questions.
‘Alright. Just go on through to Captain Pratpus’ office,’ he told Norman.
‘Thanks.’
Norman opened the creaky door to what he assumed was the Captain’s office to receive the shock of his life. As if ready to instantly swallow anything that came through the door was a huge dragon head, long sharp teeth way too close to Norman for comfort. The head dominated the surprisingly large room. Shaking with shock and not looking around the head for fear of what other hideous monster heads might give him a heart attack, Norman kept his gaze on the man with his back to him in front of the fire place and walked up to him.
‘Um...’
‘What’s your name young man?’ asked the captain.
‘Norman Dibbings sir...’
‘Drippings eh?’ Captain Pratpus turned around dramatically. The first thing Norman noticed was the large curly grey moustache; the mark of someone in charge. A rather unfortunate one at that. He was quite portly and currently had a strange mix of a frown and a grin on his aged face. ‘Tell me Drippings, are you ready to risk life and limb battling the forces of evil for the good of mankind?’
‘No,’ replied Norman honestly.
‘Welcome aboard hero!’ the captain obviously wasn’t listening. ‘Sergeant Gorbon will assign you a task in the armoury. Good luck!’
Norman closed his eyes, turned around, and grabbed the air until he found the doorknob. He dashed out as he opened his eyes and waddled quickly towards the armoury.

‘You new here?’ asked the sergeant.
‘Yeah.’
‘Go get some armour and whatever weapons you need and meet me back here,’ he told Norman. Norman tried to look for some armour that would fit, but everything looked too wide. He eventually picked the slightly rusty suit that looked as if it might fit him. He put the armour on and waddled over to the weapons. There weren’t many left. The first weapon Norman picked up was a two-handed broadsword. He tried swinging it and accidentally hit a torch on the wall.
‘OH BUGGER!‘ Norman stamped out the flames and breathed a sigh of relief. He put the sword back and picked up the other sword. It was a simple sword. It would do. He grabbed the biggest shield he could see and went back to the sergeant.
‘I got everything,’ he told Sergeant Gorbon, who looked Norman up and down.
‘You look like a right idiot you know. Anyway, everyone else is off fighting this crazy powerful warlock guy in the village, so you can help these folks in the other city who have a gnome problem. Shouldn’t be hard to deal with. Just give ‘em a kick and they’ll run back home.’
‘So where in the city are these gnomes?’ asked Norman. Gorbon looked down at a piece of paper.
‘Says here you can’t miss it. I guess it’s probably nearby the gates. Just look around a bit until you hear or see any gnomes.’
So Norman began the trek to the nearby city. He noticed a small army of heroes from the guild marching towards the village as he passed. He’d hate to be one of them. Some warlocks can kill several people instantly in under a second he’d heard. That or make your life a misery if they’re up for a laugh.
As Norman entered the gates he heard screaming. People must be pretty scared of gnomes around here. As he approached the screaming a woman ran up to him.
‘Oh thank God you’re finally here! ...Where are the others?’

Meanwhile at the village where the Warlock was causing havoc, the heroes couldn’t find him.
‘All I found is some bloody gnomes. You found anything Garry?’
‘Nope. Maybe this is the wrong place...’

Norman explained that he was all they sent.
‘Oh. You must be pretty good then. Much better than you look at least. Come, you must save us! The warlock is this wa-‘
‘WARLOCK?!’ Norman screamed. ‘OH GOD I CAN’T FIGHT A BLOODY WARLOCK!’ He tried to run but the woman had a tight grip on his arm.
‘Well that’s too bad. You’re what the guild sent, so you’re the guy that’s going to fight him.’ She dragged Norman by his arm in the direction of the screams.
‘No! Listen! This is all a big mistake!’ He tried to pull back but the woman was stronger than he was. Eventually Norman gave up and started praying with his eyes closed.
The screaming got louder and louder until it died away. Had he left the city now? He kept his eyes closed.
‘This is the hero?’ asked a deep booming voice. There was silence. ‘PFFFTAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This guy is the hero?’ Norman opened his eyes. The woman had left him on the floor in the middle of a large crowd. The warlock was standing over him. He had a large dark red cloak, long grey hair and a matching beard under his large pointy nose. He looked menacing. Especially with his dark twisted staff with a big red jewel on the end.
‘Kill me now,’ Norman pleaded.
‘Kill you now? Oh no my boy, why would I want to break my new toy just after I got it?’ Norman held his shield up and curled up behind it. Next thing he knew his shield was a few feet below him. Suspended in mid air, Norman panicked and waved his sword limply at the warlock, who was about two meters too far away for the sword to possibly reach.
The warlock chuckled and threw him into a pile of hay. Norman stayed there for a few seconds before the warlock set the hay alight.
‘OH BLIMEY!’ Norman screamed as he ran around alight.
‘You are moving too much,’ the warlock grinned, pointed his staff directly at Norman, and froze him in ice, extinguishing the fire. Norman’s eyes whizzed around desperately. He needed a plan to escape. Before Norman had time to think the warlock made a violent motion with his hands and crushed the ice, along with Norman.
‘YYYYAAAAAAAARGH!’ Norman cried before he fell to the ground in a pile of melting ice shards. ‘Stop it, please, just let me go or kill me!’
‘Fight back or I’ll keep having fun,’ the warlock threatened with a small grin permanently stuck on his face. He really was having fun. ‘Hit me. I’m all open.’ The warlock opened his arms out.
Norman picked up his sword and shield and charged, slipped over and landed in front of the warlock much to the amusement of the crowd of onlookers. Norman crawled backwards quickly as the warlock approached. The warlock caught up, laid his boot on Norman’s chest and pointed his staff directly at his face.
‘Anything you wish to say before we continue?’
‘There’s summin’ sticking in my back...’ Norman rolled over and found a perfectly normal twig. ‘A wand!’ he cried with joy. He picked it up and waved it randomly about the air. The warlock flew high in the sky, got tipped upside down, and flew down head first crushing his pointy hat.
‘I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL NORMAN! KNEEL BEFORE ME FEEBLE WARLOCK! EEHAHAHAHAHAHOO!’ Norman attempted to bellow with great enthusiasm. The warlock sat up revealing his confused face, which promptly burst into flame. The warlock did not react. Instead he slowly pointed his staff at himself as water spurted from it. He scowled menacingly, growled, and leapt. Norman franticly waved the twig and a bubble appeared around him. The warlock bounced off it.
‘Foolish warlock, I am invincible!’
‘You’re a bloody- Woah!’ The Warlock was slapped round the face by a confused flying chicken. ‘... This is insulting.’
‘You’re insulting!’ Norman waved his twig and the warlock was struck by a lightning bolt from the side, rendering him unconscious. ‘Pathetic excuse for a warlock. Hahahahahahahuh?’ Norman noticed the crowd was looking in the direction the lightning bolt had originated from. There stood a man in a grey robe and a grey pointy hat. Long grey beard and staff confirming that he was in fact a wizard.
‘Another warlock? Fear not citizens! I shall defeat this one easier than the last!’ Norman waved his twig at the wizard and tapped it when he realized it wasn’t working.
‘I saved your life you imbecile. The ‘wand’ you posses is nothing more than an average twig. Now excuse me, I shall finish the job.’ The wizard approached the warlock and sent him flying far over the city walls. Incidentally, the warlock landed in a cave. A cave containing a dragon.
After slowly wobbling back to the heroes guild, hanging his head in shame, Norman approached Sergeant Gorbon.
‘We heard the reports Dibbings. Sorry about the mistake-’
‘You’re sorry.’
‘Um, yes. We’re sorry. There was a mi-’
‘You’re sorry.’
‘Yes. There was a mix up and we sent you to the wrong place.’
‘Really?’ replied Norman sarcastically.
‘Yes. We sent you to the place where the warlock was instead of the place where the gnomes were.’
‘Oh, I hadn’t noticed that there was a warlock there ready to beat the-’
‘You didn’t? Oh, that’s good. Well, see you tomorrow Dibbings.’
‘What about my payment?’
‘Payment? You get none. You didn’t do anything.’
‘I- I- I- I- I- I-’ Norman stuttered with shock.
‘You what?’
‘I- ... Excuse me.’ Norman turned around and walked out of the guild. He stood on the street corner and took a deep breath. ‘GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!’ Once Norman had let out his rage a magic toothbrush just happened to fall out of the sky, hit his head and knocked him out.
Sorry, I lied.


So, uh, this is my English coursework. Yeah. sweatdrop I should write a different story for my final draft right? If not, advice on how I can improve would be welcome.