I need an opinion

[Takashi_The_Dragon]

i wrote this three years ago tell me if it could be adopted into an rp (with some changes of the names, numbers and character types of course) and if it needs improvement






Tiny’s Greatest Adventure Ever

Chapter1: the letter

Once upon a time there was a stick person named tiny McDade the third. He was like most of the other stick people except he had the worst luck of all. If it weren’t for the fact that it is impossible to kill a stick person, this story might not exist.

It was a regular morning, for a Monday, everything was normal. The kids were all waiting for the school bus, to go to school, and tiny was on His way to work with a hot Starbucks coffee in his hand, hoping nothing bad would happen today. But, when he got to work, his boss AKA bossman handed him a letter from his friend Jim-Bob-Joe-Bob-Jack-Johnson. His boss told him that it was first class emergency mail for only tiny to read. So, tiny opened the letter and read;

Dear tiny, I fear that I am in need of help, for I have been kidnapped. I don’t know by who, or why, but I do know that you will be the only person to save me. I don’t have much time, so please hurry!
Your friend in dire need of help,
Jim-Bob-Joe-Bob-Jack-Johnson.

When tiny finished reading the letter, he didn’t know what to do so he went to the only person who knew what to do, Guru Joe.

Tiny was outside of Guru Joe’s apartment when he heard a loud snap. When he looked up there was a large safe falling towards him. He was so scared he couldn’t move, then all of a sudden he felt a pain in his abdomen and realized that someone had saved him from being crushed. When tiny finally came back to his senses, he realized that the person who saved him was Guru Joe. Later on, in Guru Joe’s room, tiny showed Joe the letter and Guru Joe said “In order to find your friend you must have twelve followers.” Tiny had a look of confusion on his face when Joe got done speaking. Guru Joe said, “Why is that look on your face, young one?” “Why twelve followers?” tiny replied. “Because the gate of death is too big and heavy for one person to open alone” he said.  

[Takashi_The_Dragon]

bump!
now read god damnit!!  

[cajunantichrist]

sounds pretty good  

[Takashi_The_Dragon]

i never finished it....  

[FirionTheDragon]

its good so far but its missing something but i cant tell what it is.  

[Takashi_The_Dragon]

ok, good, keep the critisism flow ing people. please...  

[xXAngel of ProtectionXx]

yeah...so im having issues with the fact that I have no idea what the hell is going on in this story.  

[Takashi_The_Dragon]

yeah...so am i and im the one who wrote it...i made it to where it was supposed to be random...

~signed~

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[xXAngel of ProtectionXx]

well if you cant figure it out and your the one who wrote it then I guess it cant be adapted into an RP. Why would you want it to be in the first place?  

[Takashi_The_Dragon]

i...dont...really know i think it was one of those boredom thingies

~signed~

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[xXAngel of ProtectionXx]

whelp...It cant be made into an RP...sorry  

[Takashi_The_Dragon]

oh well....
i can still take critisism on if it needs improvement on if i finished it as a book or not...

~signed~

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[xXAngel of ProtectionXx]

I dont wont to sound like an a*****e because a writer's work is personal to them, but yes, I do believe it needs alot of work.  

[Takashi_The_Dragon]

wellyou can say its shitty if you want it doesnt bother me at all because my philosiphy is that no matter what one person says there is always another person that will say the exact opposite thing...sooo yeah... i dont give a s**t what people say about it...


~signed~

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[Takashi_The_Dragon]

Bump!


~signed~

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