xxxxxxxxxxxxxxIvan Rollen
"Breathe in, from the soles of your feet to your chest and feel the calmness come over-Hey! Shut your goddamn mouth before I kick your a** with my damn bat!"
►- - - G e n e r a l || I n f o r ma t i o n
►I || A m - - - Ivan ||Rollen
►Y e a r s || P a s s || M e || B y- - - 17
►T h e || D o c t o r || S a i d || S o- - - Male
►L o o k || M a!- - -The Loner
►M y || L i f e || I s || S a v e d- - -I can overcome virtually any opponent but I am just a bit slow.
►I || A c t || L i k e- - - Some say I am in denial, because I am a "violent" person. I am not violent, I just hate it when people say a certain word to me. That certain word that pisses me off beyond belief, to the point that if someone says it I go into a blind rage and usually wake up with someone in front of me beaten to a pulp by my bat. Sure it's a little scary but that person shouldn't have said that word to me. Now you maybe wondering what that word is, now it is such a small word you'd think it would never bother anyone. Well the word...."Love" creates something inside of me that I cannot stand. So I suggest you beware of it, and do not say it around me. Anyway, I also hate it when people talk smack about me. At everyone of my games someone has something to say, so of course I have to yell something back at them to shut them up.
Trust me i've been working on it though, you see I do this thing, a breathing exercise. Where I calm my whole body, from my feet, to my knees, to my stomach, to my chest and finally to my mind. Usually it works, if I have to time to keep everyone out of my head so I can get to the point of ignoring everyone around. But don't worry, I don't go around looking for people to say a certain word of to talk smack about me. Most of the time, I am alone, and I like it, being alone keeps me calm and when others press me I just chase them away with my a crude comment of with my bat I call "Charlie".
►S o m e || T h i n g s || T h e y || D o n ' t || T e a c h || Y o u || A t || S c h o o l- - - I don't really know what to say, I guess some people may wonder why I hate that word I mentioned before. So I suppose I can start the story to lead up to that word. Anyway, my mother, bless her soul passed away when I was about seven years old. Yes, a sad sob story like everyone else's. but I had no complaints about my mother. She was sweet, she never wronged me, and if I was grounded spanked or something I was okay with it because if it was her it must have been for good reason. Everything about her was amazing, she was my best and only friend I ever had. So when she died, I felt broken, a little lost, and so I sought out for someone to replace her. Though my search was fruitless my father had found someone to love. Usually kids wouldn't mind their father's "loving" them. But the problem with my dad, was that...he "loved" me more than a father should. Even now I shutter at the thought, every time he said that word to me it was like nails on a chalk board. Soon enough I was afraid of human contact, to terrified of being alone with adults, scared that they too "loved" me. The way my father spoke the word, I now believe that, that word means to molest, or sexually harm other people. To tell you the truth it scares me to death.
A lot of teachers started to notice my changes in behavior so they wanted me to get out more. So they had me join baseball. At first I didn't understand anything about it, just swing the bat and run, run get the ball and throw it in. Sure it was fun but I didn't quite grasp its point. Due to childish humor, kids thought I was in "love" with baseball because I was always playing. Whenever I was outside I played baseball whenever I talked it was about baseball. So when I went up on bat during the championships the kids decided to yell a little tease. "Why don't you marry the ball if you love it so much?" I never knew what it was like to have blind rage before that day. When I came back to my senses the ball was no where to be found, people telling me I had hit it over the fence and I received a home run wining the championships. Of course I was confused, but I finally felt it, the feeling of people cheering the feeling of actually being congratulated, it felt wonderful. Years went by and I won the championships three years in a row, people noticing that if they yelled that word at me I became angry and I would hit the ball with extra strength. Things were still the same at home, perhaps getting worse, when I found myself attracted to a young girl in my freshmen year at school. I was already known for fighting, sometimes even beating people with my bat which I always carry around. But she wasn't at all affected by it. So I followed her around like her servant doing everything she wanted. Until I told her my strange feelings, trying not to use the word that always stayed on my tongue, though I was having a difficult the girl...decided to laugh at me. She laughed so hard that whatever was left of me was now gone.
When she finally caught her breathe she spoke to me, "Sorry but who would ever love you?" The phrase was insulting, frustrating, there was someone who "loved" me and it was a horrible experience, how dare that b***h mention it in such a way. Like that word was a good thing, and I closed my eyes and when I came back, I found Charlie my bat covered in blood, and the girl was barely alive and the school was done with me and I was sent to PHS #1368
►G i v e || M e || M o r e- - -
◣◥ Baseball
◣◥ My Bat "Charlie"
◣◥ Sleeping in class(I never have dreams in class)
◣◥ Anything sweet tasing
►K e e p || T h e m || A w a y- - -
◥◣ That word
◥◣ Most Women
◥◣ My Father
◥◣ My school
►E x t r a || E x t r a- - -After being sent to PHS #1368 my father kicked me out. Of course he occasionally finds me to talk but most of the time I just run away.
I also carrying around Charlie, my first bat, though a little small for me, I keep him in my baseball bag I always have with me.
►B e h i n d || M y || W a l l- - -The Invisable Spaz
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