That one hit me dead on.

[Southwest]

Theistic Fundamentalism:
You have two cows. They were given to you by an (invisible, undetectable, omnipotent) Supreme Cow, who created them exactly as you see them today. The Supreme Cow wants you to shun all other farm animals, because they're not really farm animals-- they're demons trying to undermine your entire way of life. Any proof otherwise are lies put forth by the evil, nonbelieving Goats.

Evolution:
You have two single-celled organisms. In a million years, random fluctuations in the gene pool and natural selection will leave you with two cows.

Evolution, as Religious Fundamentalists Portray It:
You have two pigs. They transform into cows because of a whirlwind in a junkyard. If that's the case, then how come there's still pigs, huh? Huh? Huh?

Intelligent Design:
You find two cows, therefore there is a cowmaker. Cows are too complex to have happened by chance. What? Of course this is science.

Agnosticism:
You may or may not have two animals, which may or may not be cows. You can't decide.



Let it be noted that I'm not ridiculing any of the above-- well, at least not evolution or agnosticism-- just getting in the spirit and having some fun.  

[DivideByZero14]

MONOTHEISM (Pat Robertson-Style):
A cow comes to town, and claims that she is better than other cows. As the gathering crowd "ooh"s and "aah"s at her magic tricks (such as producing milk from her udders), another cow pickpockets the crowd.

ICONOCLASM:
Everyone knows that there is a great cow, and that his/her calf came to Earth and did miracles. However, it is blasphemous to acknowledge that said calf had spots.

POLYTHEISM (Ancient Greek-Style):
An early thinking cow writes a story about a bunch of cows in the sky, a precursor to modern sitcoms. A year later, some more cows find the screenplay, and become avid fans. Soon, everyone forgets there was a screenplay, and the religion is born.  

[Napoleon_Danneskjold]

TIME CUBE: You would have two cows, except you really only have one cow and another cow, and people who add 1 cow+1 cow to get two cows are stupid and evil