I've just been down in the dumps for persisting reasons I cannot justify. Oh by the way, I'm still alive, sorry for not being so active.
Most of you will not be familiar with one of my more peculiar, haunting reasons. I would also like to keep it vague for that person's sake. I just seem to bring others down, I don't mean to. Some people just don't like me, enough so to excommunicate me from their lives. Whether by apathy or by true self-concern, several people have done this.

I understand that this, in most cases, is by fault of my own. One occurrence of this is worthy of anecdote. I had been having the time of my life with my peers and expanding on my artistic ability and then out of the blue, someone I will not identify, had resolved to stop talking to me altogether. I was in shock and continually attempted to contact this person and resulted in feeling bad in the end, while I had been given reason to move on.

Needless to say, my morale was then shot. I took to bottling up my feelings, trying to tell myself it wasn't worth thinking about, and that it was for the better. I have encountered a few reasons since then to accept this change, however occasional malaise still persists.

I know I should just move on, but I've grown towards past negative orientation. I'm really a mix of each time orientation, as I'm sure many people are. I surround myself with regrets and desires, and hedonistically try to avoid pain while failing at it, and somehow I can think of how things may be better in the future. I'm sure we all wish for selfish miracles. I've come to know emotional pain, but I still find it within myself to complain about my situation.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do. I know there are people with far worse situations than mine, and I hope you don't find my little rant offensive in comparison with your own honest concerns and problems. I just wanted to make an attempt at characterizing my dilemma in words.