x⇨xxxOne and OnlyxxRoyale Flush
(Just once) Look at me
(Only for you) I’ll give you my heart
Do you really not see me?
Me who really wants you and wants you, I can’t even love
My heart hurts this much
I’ll hold your hands tightly so I can show you my feelings
(Only for you) I’ll give you my heart
Do you really not see me?
Me who really wants you and wants you, I can’t even love
My heart hurts this much
I’ll hold your hands tightly so I can show you my feelings
xx☠xxMinhyun couldn't remember the last time he had such an amazing sleep and he wasn't the first one to fall asleep for once. His body, soul, and heart were sated and he wanted to feel this way forever. He actually had a good dream for the first time in months, dreams of him and Aleck in the future being happy and whatnot. Was this a sign? He didn't know, but he knew he wanted to be with this man forever, even if the world were to fall apart in shambles, he would still have the man sleeping peacefully beside him to fall back on and know he'll always be picked back up again. To live in such bliss, one would wonder what would ruin the moment and try the hardest they could not to make it happen. Minhyun on the other hand, well, he wanted to live each moment to it's full potential and not have to worry about ever having such issues in his life. He didn't want to think on them and somehow end up ruining his happiness, it had happened before and he didn't want it to happen again. He was happy for once, with Aleck he was always happy, he didn't want to do anything to ruin it. He knew if he lost this man from his life, then there would really be no point in going on anymore. His feelings were that deep, Aleck just didn't understand how deep the feelings were to Minhyun when he told the Russian man he loved him. He would show that to the man one day, but for now, he was fine with just laying in this man's arms, feeling warm and safe.
That was, until he felt movement beside him, only to awaken Minhyun. He figured his lover was waking up, what time was it? His eyes slowly opened and blinked a few times, to get his vision back to normal and away from the sleepiness he felt. It felt late at night, if not very early in the morning. He felt fingers running through his hair, then a kiss to his forehead, making his eyes open up completely and his golden sleepy eyes looked upon the man he loved. "You seemed quite at peace" He whispered in a soft, sleepy tone of voice in response to his lover. The man looked like pure beauty even after waking up from a slumber, which brought him back to the thoughts of how in the world someone like Aleck could love someone like him. Who knows, perhaps it was fated from the start. The feelings he felt being embraced in the arms of a stranger he didn't know at first, but he felt so safe and loved at the same time and it didn't really make sense to him. He probably knew deep in his heart that it was right to him, even if he didn't know the feelings of love or safety, Aleck had given everything to him from just that moment in the bathroom. His tears had stopped, his sorrow was put on hold and his mind and body was consumed in everything that was Aleck. He knew he wouldn't change how they met for the world, they met and that was all that mattered at the time. Even now, just them was all that mattered to Minhyun and knowing that much, put him at ease even though the rest of the world was in chaos. He could always deal with the jumble of the world, only knowing he could always be brought back into the calmness of life itself because the man who would be waiting for him when he would seek out peace and calmness in his life. His only solace in the world of chaos, kind of like a cliché love story? Perhaps, he enjoyed it though, made him have something to look forward to and to believe in.
After being pulled into the man's arms, he allowed his body to be cherished for a while, even if he were naked, he felt fully clothed in love. He closed his eyes and relished in the moment, then reopened his eyes when Aleck was getting up and stretching, he wondered what caused the man to wake up from his sleep so early. Was there something on the man's mind? Or did he just have some kind of an energy burst? Whatever the case, he dropped his feet to the floor and sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping the pure white silk sheets around his perfect body, draping it across his waist and a bit over his shoulders, shielding himself from the short moment he felt exposed without Aleck beside him. He took in a deep breath and kept his eyes on the man who was wandering around the room and opening the balcony doors. The moonlight that was allowed through glowed upon the body that had made love to him, he turned a soft red and clutched the sheet closer to his body and he cuddled a pillow to his chest as he tried to calm his heart from beating so fast. Even though their relationship was confirmed of them dating, he was still a major fan of Aleck and he couldn't help his fanboy side from coming out when they weren't intimate and they were together alone. He looked up into the calm, yet naturally predatory gaze that looked down at him and his lush lips parted in wonder, what was with that pause and smile? He blushed and buried his face into the pillow as he heard the bedroom door open and Aleck leave the room, leaving him in silence to gather his thoughts. He probably wouldn't have enough time to do anything while the man was gone, time was short when it came to gathering his thoughts, but he felt as if he was going to explode from not only happiness, but also excitement.
He slowly laid back down on the bed, allowing his head to rest on the pillows behind him. The sheet rested around his lap and along his body lightly, but the pillow was on top of his stomach, Minhyun looked oddly comfortable. Hearing his lover's footsteps approaching the door, he turned his head to look at the door and he watched the man walk in the room and set a bowl of fruit on the night stand and lay back down beside Minhyun. He slid his body up to lean his mid-back on the pillows and he was sitting up a bit so he could talk and eat at the same time without forcing himself. "Thank you, I was a bit hungry" He never questioned how Aleck seemed to know exactly what he wanted at any point in time, but he wasn't complaining. He knew that, in his lifetime and the next, he'd never end up finding another person like Aleck that knew Minhyun from the inside out. Only once did someone find someone who they knew completely, he was just lucky enough to find it in a person who was someone Minhyun had admired for many years. He still couldn't believe his luck, being able to capture this man in his arms.. Well, he knew that this was the first and last time he'd find love like this, so he would do anything in his power to keep it in his life forever.
While he ate the strawberries one by one, he was momentarily sidetracked by Aleck getting up and coming back with something that looked like a violin case. Did Aleck play violin like he did? He smiled cutely as he popped another fresh strawberry into his mouth and watched the man carefully, as if wanting to see something else life changing. He wanted to see all sides and talents this beautiful man was capable of, it intrigued him in many ways. "A violin, how long have you played?" He asked curiously, placing the bowl of fruit on the night stand and making sure his fingers were clean before he folded them politely on the sheet that covered his lap. He listened to the man talk about if he hadn't made it as a singer, his violin would've been his next move in a career. "Seeing as though you've been keeping this part of your life a secret from me, I do believe I deserve a show from the fantastic Alecksander Ivanov" He mewed in a very cute voice, giving his trademark smile that could melt the heart of everyone around him. He watched the slow, but composed movements Aleck made when setting the violin up to be played, it was all so fluid. He was almost instantly mesmerized.
Minhyun was indeed mesmerized now, hearing the notes being played and tipped perfectly in sync with the song Aleck played. He knew the song, such a nice piece and Aleck played it with beautiful movements and the notes sounded perfect. He smiled warmly when Aleck stopped and ended up smiling back at Minhyun, then started being subtle, the flirty all over again. This man had the mood swings of a prince, never ceased to amaze the blonde Korean. He took a seductive and slow bite of the strawberry held to his mouth, then licked the other half of the berry as he pulled away a bite to swallow the fruit in his mouth. He leaned forward and kissed the man in front of him, completely on the lips and leaving no gaps. His hands pressed onto the man's shoulders and Minhyun didn't do much to push Aleck's back to the bed and slide his legs over to straddle his lover. He leaned his head on the warm and strong chest that was beneath him, his hands touched the strong, broad shoulders that were above his head. He took in a deep breath and let out an adorably soft sigh.."I wish to be embraced and be selfishly cherished right now" He wanted to be treated like a pampered prince by the one he loved, he was being lovable and very selfish by keeping the Russian all to his self and demanding/pleading with the man to pamper him with all the love Aleck could offer. He wanted Aleck to open up his heart and give the love he had been holding inside for so long to Minhyun, to finally know what it was to love and be loved in return. Minhyun could be the one to finally break the shell around Aleck, to show the man what he was really capable of. To feel the emotions and love the man had always wanted to feel and share in return. Could he make a stronger man out of this famous rock star? Change his life for the better? Perhaps, Minhyun was determined enough to try it. "Is that selfish of me? Wanting you all to myself.. And only me..?" He whispered in question, his voice was gentle and loving, but held a curious note as he planted soft and lush kisses to the warm skin of Aleck's chest that his cool body laid upon. His bottom half was still covered with the sheet, so they were just simply laying together.
Blake mused at Alex when she finally caught onto his plot, damn, he thought he could've gotten away with a little prank and have her want him to stay enough so he wouldn't have to have a reason to leave. He chuckled softly and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her front to his that was partially covered by his silk robe he wore, but was slightly open, showing his perfectly sculpted body. What's with that reaction, I thought you'd be more lovey dovey towards me after everything I've done for you. Sure, I was drinking on purpose to stay, but really, is it that much of a big deal..? Me, wanting to stay her with you?" He spoke into her ear seductively, lowering his voice to one of those very dangerous and forbidden tones. He finally unwrapped his arms from around her and stepped towards the piano, winking at Alex as he took the bottle from her and taking his shot glass from the bar and closed the distance between him and the piano. "Of course it would be interesting, you could be my only duet outside of the band. We have another concert coming up, then another one in a few months. I figure we could perform our song in the next concert after this one if our song is finished. It would give a lot of publicity to our bands and well.. Perhaps open the public eye of what's really going on" Hidden agenda to tell the world that Alex was his? Yup, but he would leave that to Alex to figure out on her own. He wanted to be seen with Alex as much as possible, so everyone would finally get it through their heads that she belonged to him, even if she doesn't realize it yet. He was quickly making her famous, but he was also very slowly trapping her in his grasp and making it so she wouldn't have anyone else but him in her personal life outside her family, friends, and her career. She was his, he'd make the evident to the world and eventually.. He would let her know.
He just hoped that him being patient and waiting would be worth his wait and he would accomplish something that would probably give him a better outlook on life in the near future. He moved beside her on the bench behind the piano and smiled warmly, liking the tune she was playing. "I wrote lyrics for a song while on tour, but I wanted to see if they could be turned into a duet, it's called Amor Mio. That tune sounds good, so we could use it. Read these and repeat after me" He stated with a calm smile, excitement in his eyes as he set his shot glass and drink on the table beside the piano and started to sing the words in perfect harmony with her piano playing. He sang in his perfectly toned voice, making sure she was repeating everything he said in perfect harmony with his voice and pronouncing everything right. It was a good thing she learned fast, eventually, she was able to read off of the paper without him sounding out the words and she could sing the first part of the song, which he deemed the female part. "Very nice, your voice sounds good with the piano" He praised her and took another shot, getting himself into the mood of the music, calmness and passion all over his face and deep within his eyes, an inner peace that only music could fulfill within him.
He took in a deep breath and slowly he took over the piano, playing his half of the song on the piano, singing his side of the lyrics, his voice mixing perfectly in the piano and harmonizing well with Alex's tone when she sang. His voice was calming and soothing to the soul and ears, his natural native tongue complimented the song, he was in his element. Obviously it was a song from the heart, whether his feelings or his thoughts, only it was known to him. She knew the Korean version of the song they were creating together, but only he knew the English translation. He supposed he could leave the lyrics with her so she could memorize the words and the tune of the song. He already knew the lyrics and the rhythm, something that was his special skill. He laughed when she suddenly stopped practicing and started talking some nonsense, wondering why he wanted to create a song with her. "Alexandria, you'd be amazed what was going through my mind the whole time on tour" He stated happily, then started to go over her lines with her, making sure she did everything right and sang all the Korean words in perfect linguistics in the short period of time they were practicing.
He finally laughed as they went over the song many times, he had memorized the entire song.."Perhaps during the concert, I could have two pianos placed on stage for us. So we don't fight over the piano. I'm not one for dancing when singing slow songs, so we could play the piano in sync when singing together and separate pianos when we're singing our separate solos." He offered his idea, then took two more shots back to back and stood up from the bench and walked to the open door that led back into the main room and the kitchen. He held his liquor bottle and his empty shot glass. "Any ideas you have? I'm open to suggestions" He was a team working kind of person, wanting his first duet with a female and someone outside of his band to have some say in the song she would be helping perform. He hummed softly and took her hand gently and led her back to the living room, sitting on the couch and setting her on top of his lap, cradling her lower back with his left arm and her body draped across his lap and hung on the rest of the couch and off his legs that held her up. "Even costume suggestions" He winked playfully and laughed charmingly, giving her the usual Blake smirk he always gave her when he was being playful.
Perhaps she would be the one to change him for the better, forever. She'd be able to mend his heart, be able to put it all back together and she could turn him into a better person. He wanted to do everything he could to keep her at his side and make her happy, because she made him very happy, he would be honored to have her in his life for a lot longer than she would have probably thought. Even though he never really spoke much about himself or his life unless he absolutely had to, she was the only one to get herself so caught up into his dark past and was still willing to stick around. She was a rare breed and he would keep her round, because he knew there wouldn't be another woman like Alex that could do the same things that she did. How long had it been since he felt so happy and so comfortable around a woman? A woman who could make him absolutely insane and yet feel so much hidden emotion all at the same time. She tossed his mind and heart in so many different directions that he was unsure if what he felt was true love or just a fleeting emotion that would eventually go away. Yet, he wouldn't dwell on that, he was more focused in capturing her heart for his own.. All the while, losing his own to her.
{Finally~}
That was, until he felt movement beside him, only to awaken Minhyun. He figured his lover was waking up, what time was it? His eyes slowly opened and blinked a few times, to get his vision back to normal and away from the sleepiness he felt. It felt late at night, if not very early in the morning. He felt fingers running through his hair, then a kiss to his forehead, making his eyes open up completely and his golden sleepy eyes looked upon the man he loved. "You seemed quite at peace" He whispered in a soft, sleepy tone of voice in response to his lover. The man looked like pure beauty even after waking up from a slumber, which brought him back to the thoughts of how in the world someone like Aleck could love someone like him. Who knows, perhaps it was fated from the start. The feelings he felt being embraced in the arms of a stranger he didn't know at first, but he felt so safe and loved at the same time and it didn't really make sense to him. He probably knew deep in his heart that it was right to him, even if he didn't know the feelings of love or safety, Aleck had given everything to him from just that moment in the bathroom. His tears had stopped, his sorrow was put on hold and his mind and body was consumed in everything that was Aleck. He knew he wouldn't change how they met for the world, they met and that was all that mattered at the time. Even now, just them was all that mattered to Minhyun and knowing that much, put him at ease even though the rest of the world was in chaos. He could always deal with the jumble of the world, only knowing he could always be brought back into the calmness of life itself because the man who would be waiting for him when he would seek out peace and calmness in his life. His only solace in the world of chaos, kind of like a cliché love story? Perhaps, he enjoyed it though, made him have something to look forward to and to believe in.
After being pulled into the man's arms, he allowed his body to be cherished for a while, even if he were naked, he felt fully clothed in love. He closed his eyes and relished in the moment, then reopened his eyes when Aleck was getting up and stretching, he wondered what caused the man to wake up from his sleep so early. Was there something on the man's mind? Or did he just have some kind of an energy burst? Whatever the case, he dropped his feet to the floor and sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping the pure white silk sheets around his perfect body, draping it across his waist and a bit over his shoulders, shielding himself from the short moment he felt exposed without Aleck beside him. He took in a deep breath and kept his eyes on the man who was wandering around the room and opening the balcony doors. The moonlight that was allowed through glowed upon the body that had made love to him, he turned a soft red and clutched the sheet closer to his body and he cuddled a pillow to his chest as he tried to calm his heart from beating so fast. Even though their relationship was confirmed of them dating, he was still a major fan of Aleck and he couldn't help his fanboy side from coming out when they weren't intimate and they were together alone. He looked up into the calm, yet naturally predatory gaze that looked down at him and his lush lips parted in wonder, what was with that pause and smile? He blushed and buried his face into the pillow as he heard the bedroom door open and Aleck leave the room, leaving him in silence to gather his thoughts. He probably wouldn't have enough time to do anything while the man was gone, time was short when it came to gathering his thoughts, but he felt as if he was going to explode from not only happiness, but also excitement.
He slowly laid back down on the bed, allowing his head to rest on the pillows behind him. The sheet rested around his lap and along his body lightly, but the pillow was on top of his stomach, Minhyun looked oddly comfortable. Hearing his lover's footsteps approaching the door, he turned his head to look at the door and he watched the man walk in the room and set a bowl of fruit on the night stand and lay back down beside Minhyun. He slid his body up to lean his mid-back on the pillows and he was sitting up a bit so he could talk and eat at the same time without forcing himself. "Thank you, I was a bit hungry" He never questioned how Aleck seemed to know exactly what he wanted at any point in time, but he wasn't complaining. He knew that, in his lifetime and the next, he'd never end up finding another person like Aleck that knew Minhyun from the inside out. Only once did someone find someone who they knew completely, he was just lucky enough to find it in a person who was someone Minhyun had admired for many years. He still couldn't believe his luck, being able to capture this man in his arms.. Well, he knew that this was the first and last time he'd find love like this, so he would do anything in his power to keep it in his life forever.
While he ate the strawberries one by one, he was momentarily sidetracked by Aleck getting up and coming back with something that looked like a violin case. Did Aleck play violin like he did? He smiled cutely as he popped another fresh strawberry into his mouth and watched the man carefully, as if wanting to see something else life changing. He wanted to see all sides and talents this beautiful man was capable of, it intrigued him in many ways. "A violin, how long have you played?" He asked curiously, placing the bowl of fruit on the night stand and making sure his fingers were clean before he folded them politely on the sheet that covered his lap. He listened to the man talk about if he hadn't made it as a singer, his violin would've been his next move in a career. "Seeing as though you've been keeping this part of your life a secret from me, I do believe I deserve a show from the fantastic Alecksander Ivanov" He mewed in a very cute voice, giving his trademark smile that could melt the heart of everyone around him. He watched the slow, but composed movements Aleck made when setting the violin up to be played, it was all so fluid. He was almost instantly mesmerized.
Minhyun was indeed mesmerized now, hearing the notes being played and tipped perfectly in sync with the song Aleck played. He knew the song, such a nice piece and Aleck played it with beautiful movements and the notes sounded perfect. He smiled warmly when Aleck stopped and ended up smiling back at Minhyun, then started being subtle, the flirty all over again. This man had the mood swings of a prince, never ceased to amaze the blonde Korean. He took a seductive and slow bite of the strawberry held to his mouth, then licked the other half of the berry as he pulled away a bite to swallow the fruit in his mouth. He leaned forward and kissed the man in front of him, completely on the lips and leaving no gaps. His hands pressed onto the man's shoulders and Minhyun didn't do much to push Aleck's back to the bed and slide his legs over to straddle his lover. He leaned his head on the warm and strong chest that was beneath him, his hands touched the strong, broad shoulders that were above his head. He took in a deep breath and let out an adorably soft sigh.."I wish to be embraced and be selfishly cherished right now" He wanted to be treated like a pampered prince by the one he loved, he was being lovable and very selfish by keeping the Russian all to his self and demanding/pleading with the man to pamper him with all the love Aleck could offer. He wanted Aleck to open up his heart and give the love he had been holding inside for so long to Minhyun, to finally know what it was to love and be loved in return. Minhyun could be the one to finally break the shell around Aleck, to show the man what he was really capable of. To feel the emotions and love the man had always wanted to feel and share in return. Could he make a stronger man out of this famous rock star? Change his life for the better? Perhaps, Minhyun was determined enough to try it. "Is that selfish of me? Wanting you all to myself.. And only me..?" He whispered in question, his voice was gentle and loving, but held a curious note as he planted soft and lush kisses to the warm skin of Aleck's chest that his cool body laid upon. His bottom half was still covered with the sheet, so they were just simply laying together.
Blake mused at Alex when she finally caught onto his plot, damn, he thought he could've gotten away with a little prank and have her want him to stay enough so he wouldn't have to have a reason to leave. He chuckled softly and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her front to his that was partially covered by his silk robe he wore, but was slightly open, showing his perfectly sculpted body. What's with that reaction, I thought you'd be more lovey dovey towards me after everything I've done for you. Sure, I was drinking on purpose to stay, but really, is it that much of a big deal..? Me, wanting to stay her with you?" He spoke into her ear seductively, lowering his voice to one of those very dangerous and forbidden tones. He finally unwrapped his arms from around her and stepped towards the piano, winking at Alex as he took the bottle from her and taking his shot glass from the bar and closed the distance between him and the piano. "Of course it would be interesting, you could be my only duet outside of the band. We have another concert coming up, then another one in a few months. I figure we could perform our song in the next concert after this one if our song is finished. It would give a lot of publicity to our bands and well.. Perhaps open the public eye of what's really going on" Hidden agenda to tell the world that Alex was his? Yup, but he would leave that to Alex to figure out on her own. He wanted to be seen with Alex as much as possible, so everyone would finally get it through their heads that she belonged to him, even if she doesn't realize it yet. He was quickly making her famous, but he was also very slowly trapping her in his grasp and making it so she wouldn't have anyone else but him in her personal life outside her family, friends, and her career. She was his, he'd make the evident to the world and eventually.. He would let her know.
He just hoped that him being patient and waiting would be worth his wait and he would accomplish something that would probably give him a better outlook on life in the near future. He moved beside her on the bench behind the piano and smiled warmly, liking the tune she was playing. "I wrote lyrics for a song while on tour, but I wanted to see if they could be turned into a duet, it's called Amor Mio. That tune sounds good, so we could use it. Read these and repeat after me" He stated with a calm smile, excitement in his eyes as he set his shot glass and drink on the table beside the piano and started to sing the words in perfect harmony with her piano playing. He sang in his perfectly toned voice, making sure she was repeating everything he said in perfect harmony with his voice and pronouncing everything right. It was a good thing she learned fast, eventually, she was able to read off of the paper without him sounding out the words and she could sing the first part of the song, which he deemed the female part. "Very nice, your voice sounds good with the piano" He praised her and took another shot, getting himself into the mood of the music, calmness and passion all over his face and deep within his eyes, an inner peace that only music could fulfill within him.
He took in a deep breath and slowly he took over the piano, playing his half of the song on the piano, singing his side of the lyrics, his voice mixing perfectly in the piano and harmonizing well with Alex's tone when she sang. His voice was calming and soothing to the soul and ears, his natural native tongue complimented the song, he was in his element. Obviously it was a song from the heart, whether his feelings or his thoughts, only it was known to him. She knew the Korean version of the song they were creating together, but only he knew the English translation. He supposed he could leave the lyrics with her so she could memorize the words and the tune of the song. He already knew the lyrics and the rhythm, something that was his special skill. He laughed when she suddenly stopped practicing and started talking some nonsense, wondering why he wanted to create a song with her. "Alexandria, you'd be amazed what was going through my mind the whole time on tour" He stated happily, then started to go over her lines with her, making sure she did everything right and sang all the Korean words in perfect linguistics in the short period of time they were practicing.
He finally laughed as they went over the song many times, he had memorized the entire song.."Perhaps during the concert, I could have two pianos placed on stage for us. So we don't fight over the piano. I'm not one for dancing when singing slow songs, so we could play the piano in sync when singing together and separate pianos when we're singing our separate solos." He offered his idea, then took two more shots back to back and stood up from the bench and walked to the open door that led back into the main room and the kitchen. He held his liquor bottle and his empty shot glass. "Any ideas you have? I'm open to suggestions" He was a team working kind of person, wanting his first duet with a female and someone outside of his band to have some say in the song she would be helping perform. He hummed softly and took her hand gently and led her back to the living room, sitting on the couch and setting her on top of his lap, cradling her lower back with his left arm and her body draped across his lap and hung on the rest of the couch and off his legs that held her up. "Even costume suggestions" He winked playfully and laughed charmingly, giving her the usual Blake smirk he always gave her when he was being playful.
Perhaps she would be the one to change him for the better, forever. She'd be able to mend his heart, be able to put it all back together and she could turn him into a better person. He wanted to do everything he could to keep her at his side and make her happy, because she made him very happy, he would be honored to have her in his life for a lot longer than she would have probably thought. Even though he never really spoke much about himself or his life unless he absolutely had to, she was the only one to get herself so caught up into his dark past and was still willing to stick around. She was a rare breed and he would keep her round, because he knew there wouldn't be another woman like Alex that could do the same things that she did. How long had it been since he felt so happy and so comfortable around a woman? A woman who could make him absolutely insane and yet feel so much hidden emotion all at the same time. She tossed his mind and heart in so many different directions that he was unsure if what he felt was true love or just a fleeting emotion that would eventually go away. Yet, he wouldn't dwell on that, he was more focused in capturing her heart for his own.. All the while, losing his own to her.
{Finally~}
Me who wants you and wants you, I can’t even love
My heart hurts this much
I’ll hold your hands tightly so I can show you my feelings
I only want to look at you, I want to give you my love
I want to put you in my embrace
I’ll look forward to you smiling at me, who can change your changed feelings
Even in my dreams
My heart hurts this much
I’ll hold your hands tightly so I can show you my feelings
I only want to look at you, I want to give you my love
I want to put you in my embrace
I’ll look forward to you smiling at me, who can change your changed feelings
Even in my dreams
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