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 Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 4:47 pm
As the Rumble match begins, only one thought is going through the heads of the officials backstage: Where the heck is The Dream!?
Official #1: "Didn't he check in an hour ago?"
Official #2: "No, our records show he hasn't"
Official #3: "What do we do?! We can't replace The Dream on such short notice!?"
Official #2: "Get a hold of yourself man! Cyrus would never let all those fans down!"
Official #1: "Well what do we tell Mr. Shin-Mozas?"
Official #2: "Nothing! You shut your whoring mouth! The Dream will be here!"
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 5:29 pm
Only 2 hours before the Rumble Match, a lone pizza guy walks into a local Minneapolis hotel. It was a average order to an easy location, quite possibly the easiest order he'd get all night.
Pizza Guy: "Ok let's see, he's in room number six..."
The pizza man walks through the lobby and into the hallways to find door number six in which he immediately knocks.
Pizza Guy: "Pizza delivery for a mister.... Lenone?"
The door open revealing the 2008 Royal Rumble winner Cyrus "The Dream" Leone
Pizza Guy: "Holy Sh*t! Leone, you're The Dre-
The Dream quickly pops open the pizza box.
Cyrus: "There better not be mushrooms on this pizza, I hate mushrooms, they give me nightmares."
Pizza Guy: "No sir! Large grilled chicken pizza with bacon, peppers, and onions!"
Cyrus: "Yes! Thank you-"
The Dream pauses to look at the pizza guy's name tag.
Cyrus: "Joe! Thank you Joe, the pizza guy. How much do I owe you."
Pizza Guy Joe: "16.50 and could I have you autograph sir?"
Cyrus: "Of course Carl, I always have time for the fans."
Pizza Guy Joe: "It's J-
Cyrus: "Especially tonight! The Royal Rumble, where once again The Man of Dreams will once again walk out winner of the prestigious match.
Pizza Guy Joe: "Sir, the Show already started an hour ago, shouldn't you be getting ready?"
The Dream pulls up his wrist to look at his watch.
Cyrus: "I keep forgetting this f*ckin' thing is broken."
He then pulls out his cell phone.
Cyrus: "Damn, I really shouldn't eat before a match. Ah well, thanks Steve, but I really need to call a cab and get to the Rumble as soon as I can."
Pizza Guy Joe: "If that's the case, I know a quick way to get to the Target Center from here. I'd be more than happy to give you a lift."
Cyrus: "Well thank you Danny, I really appreciate it! Get the Pizza Mobile started and I'll be right out in a moment, I just need to put on my gear real quick."
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 5:52 pm
Only one hour and thirty minutes before the Rumble match, The Dream and Joe the pizza guy stand dumbstruck after a most unfortunate incident.
Cyrus: "Did that really just happen?"
Pizza Guy Joe: "Yeah"
Cyrus: "Did that mime just steal the pizza mobile?"
Pizza Guy Joe: "Yeah"
Cyrus: "Man you really pussied out on that. He threw you out of the car like it was nothing."
Pizza Guy Joe: "And you didn't do anything! Aren't you two time WWFG Undisputed Champion?! You didn't punch him or anything!"
Cyrus: "Hey man, he could have had a gun! How would you feel if The Dream lost the Rumble because he had a gunshot wound."
Pizza Guy Joe: "That's true... But what do we do now?"
Cyrus: "Well we still got time I mean-"
The Dream pauses as a huge thug wearing all black holds up a knife in front of the two.
Thug: "Give me all your money! Now!"
Cyrus: "Oh s**t son! It's John Cena!"
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 6:25 pm
Only one hour and ten minutes before the rumble, The Dream and Joe are standing in the same area. After a very graphic and brutal beating, the thug now lays curled up against a wall.
Pizza Guy Joe: "So you were afraid of the mime, but you had no problem beating up a huge guy with a knife."
Cyrus: "Dude, mimes freak me out. You don't know what they're thinking, all quiet and such-"
Thug: "I can't feel my legs, call an ambulance!"
Cyrus: "Shut up Cena! Your music sucks too, got nothin' on Weezy!"
Pizza Guy Joe: "Dude, I don't think that's John Cena. That's a real thug, like from the streets."
Cyrus: "Nah, that's John Cena."
Pizza Guy Joe: "Well we need to hurry, we still have an hour to make it to the Rumble."
Cyrus: "Bill, you've been very helpful to The Dream, and first thing is first: We're going to find the pizza mobile! Then we'll ride in style to the Royal Rumble where The Dream will outlast 19 other wrestlers and become the 2013 Rumble winner!"
Pizza Guy Joe: "Well where do we start? I mean, where do you find a mime?"
Cyrus: "That's an easy one, Starbucks!"
Pizza Guy Joe: "Why Starbucks?"
Cyrus: "Because everyone loves Starbucks! Your killing me Charlie!"
Pizza Guy Joe: "For the last time, my name is Joe!"
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 8:54 pm
Only forty five minutes until the Rumble, The Dream and pizza guy Joe find a Starbucks only two blocks from where they were.
Cyrus walks over to the counter looking at the wide variety of overpriced coffee.
Cyrus: "Excuse me miss coffee lady, can I get a medium white chocolate mocha thing."
Coffee Lady: "I'm sorry sir, a medium here is called a grande."
The coffee lady shows the Dream the cup size for reference.
Cyrus: "That's not very grande to me lady, and you know what I meant!"
Coffee Lady: "No I don't sir, perhaps you'd like a tall-"
Cyrus: "I'm going to cut you off right there! It's not funny! The coffee size joke isn't funny!"
Joe suddenly smacks The Dream on the shoulder.
Pizza Guy Joe: "Hey Cyrus I think that's David Navarro! Over there in the corner! The lead guitarist of Jane's Addiction"
Cyrus: "Man I hate Nickelback"
Dave turns to see The Dream and a pizza guy talking about him.
Dave: "Oh, fans. Always good to meet some."
Pizza Guy Joe: "Yeah Jane Says was awesome!!"
Cyrus: "Not really, I'm kind of a Saliva fan.."
Dave: "Saliva? Ha, they are always good, and thanks kid. I loved "Jane Says" a lot, quite a lot of fun to play. You know, I have played with bands like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Guns and Roses, and Nine Inch Nails...but nothing can compare to playing Jane Says with Jane's Addiction."
Cyrus: "Look Dave, we don't have time to talk about your success Linkin Park, we're looking for a mime that stole Ricks pizza mobile!"
Dave: "Uh...Linkin Park? Whatever, I'm used to drunk and drugged up fans after so long in the biz. A mime came in here earlier for some coffee and he had some pizza with him. I saw him drive away in a pizza delivery van. He was heading towards the Target Center. A big wrestling Pay Per View is supposed to be going on there tonight."
Pizza Guy Joe: "That's my van! Dave, can you help us get to the Target Center, we need to get my van back and Cyrus is in the rumble match"
Dave: "Uh...well hey, sure. I got my jeep out in front, I guess I can take you down there."
Cyrus: "Sweet! By the way I thought you were awesome in Mindless Self Indulgence!"
Dave: "Just get in the jeep.."
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 9:09 pm
Only fifteen minutes until the Rumble, The Dream is suddenly sent from the moving jeep and hits the cement parking lot rolling.
The jeep stops near by and Joe steps out.
Pizza Guy Joe: "Thanks for the ride and the autograph Dave!"
The jeep drives off quickly leaving the two in the parking lot and Joe steps over to help the Dream up.
Cyrus: "Man David Navarro is kind of an a*****e. He got really touchy when I mentioned his work with Katy Perry."
Pizza Guy Joe: "I don't believe you've never heard of Dave Navarro."
Cyrus: "Of course I-"
Cyrus suddenly points across the parking lot to the pizza van. Right next to it is the mime eating some pizza and leaning against an invisible corner.
Pizza Guy Joe: "Cyrus there he is!"
Cyrus: "And he's eating my pizza!!"
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 9:29 pm
The Rumble match already underway, a boot place on the mimes chest and a man's arms raised high in the air, The Dream stood victorious over the mime.
Pizza Guy Joe: "Wow, that was amazing!"
Cyrus: "Yeah I know I'm awesome."
Pizza Guy Joe: "I think you took it a little too far when you choked him out with his own scarf though."
Cyrus: "I had to prove my dominance."
Pizza Guy Joe: "Sh*t, Cyrus the match already started! We gotta hurry!"
Cyrus: "Stan, I'm feeling pumped after this night of pure epicness. I want you to come down to the ring and witness first hand the beginning of the Year of-"
Pizza Guy Joe: "Look whatever, we gotta hurry."
Cyrus: "Yeah alright, let's go."
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