[FIN] Dealing with Doubts

[Gwennythe]

"Oh my word, I think Neph would eat him..." Tambrey cringed at the idea of introducing Neph to Paul; she couldn't really imagine her spider-like pokémon getting along with anyone.

She appreciated how seriously he took the certain subject after that, and how apologetic he was, though she felt a bit guilty that he felt that sorry, and awkward about her own reaction to it.
It was nice, though, to have it out in the open with somebody else; to have someone to talk to about it.

"No, no, I know... and, um, it's okay... I know, uh, room mates are supposed to tease eachother." She smiled as he went on to say they already seemed like a couple. "I... uh. Well," It would be silly to claim she hadn't noticed, or welcomed it, at all, but to hear it a little more confirmed was good "I guess... I don't know if he really feels like that too. I just... hope so."

She beamed, happy to hear that Shawn would be happy for them, but blushing quite profoundly as Rory was declared lucky and 'undeserving'.
There wasn't really a way to answer it; she certainly didn't agree, but disagreeing would be arguing, or making it seem like she discarded Shadow's opinion, so she kept quiet until she found she could reply to his last, hastily added, sentence.
"Thank you. Um, really. I just..." She paused, thought about it, then nodded. "I want to, if I have to, tell him myself eventually... unless he says something first. I'm just, um, not quite ready yet."  

[Shawn Darrow]

"Oh, yikes. I sure hope not," the teen answered, grimacing. He didn't want to consider the idea of pokemon cannibalizing each other.

"Pfft...yeah, I guess it doesn't help that he's also my partner," Shadow agreed. "But I think the fact that we can get angry with each other just shows we're closer than most people are. And for what it's worth, I'd say there's no doubt Rory feels the same way."

He smiled supportively, nodding. "These things take time. No sense in worrying about it right now. What happens will happen when it does. Uh...not like I know anything about this stuff," he added, embarrassed, "but it seems pretty self-explanatory to me. In stories and things it always seems like worrying too much about it is what messes these situations up."

He watched his Haunter absently, who continued to hover at Tambrey's side. "Tambrey..." he began. "what kind of life are we living? I mean..." His gaze seemed distant. "...Are criminals allowed to discuss things like romance? I know I probably sound pretty stupid, but...when it Ithink about it, it just seems so absurd. Like...do I have any right to be friends with people like you and Rory?"  

[Gwennythe]

Tambrey smiled. "Ah. Yes, partners do have to know eachother very well..." She smiled a little more as he described what he felt about why the pair of them were able to get angry with one another and found herself nodding as it made sense to her, turning slightly shy again as Shadow expressed his certainty about Rory's feelings for her.

Stories. Stories were the bulk of the books she read and it was a good point to have brought up on the subject, to point out how things tended to go in those.
"I wouldn't sell yourself short." She commented,truthfully, after he'd given the advice. "Experiencing it might be different from knowing about it, but what you know, what you've noticed, is making for good advice."

His question caught her off-guard.
She knew the theme he was following, the thread of thoughts that would get one from joining to 'that place' but she hadn't expected to hear it, out loud.
"Criminals by circumstance, not always by choice." She tried to choose the words carefully, attempting to adopt a reassuring smile, though she wasn't so confident herself.
"To question this life now is inevitable, I think, but, um... The way out of it is very clear. We're trapped in this, this life, now, but that doesn't make anyone of us less than someone still outside... A Rocket is still human, and humans have rights; to survive, to love, to friendship... At least, that's what I think..." She leaned forward, offering to put an arm around his shoulders, hoping that was some comfort; her own experience with such feelings tended to be that words didn't always carry enough weight to quell the doubts.
"It's not a stupid thing to think about or question at all... I've been to that same place and I'd bet y', maybe, that most people here have visited similar ideas. My own opinion though, is that of course you do, and as much as we have a right to be friends with you; the very fact that this life is the kind that is..." Huh, she paused. There was something she'd have to think about herself now. "Um. The fact that this life is like this means that we need to seize on those rights we still have and make the most of bonds, um... like that... See, you were worried about sounding stupid and now I'm worried that my answer might be silly." She offered, hoping to lighten the mood, if just a little, with the confession.  

[Shawn Darrow]

"Hey, come to think of it, I never asked," Shadow remarked. "Do you have a partner? I mean, unless you don't feel like telling me, which I'd understand."

The phrase Tambrey had used to describe their situation intrigued Shadow. He'd never quite heard it put that way before, but somehow it made him feel a little bit better, even if he still wasn't proud of it. "You're right," he said slowly, processing her words. "That makes sense. Wow, Tambrey, you're like a poet. Did you get those out of a book or something?"

"You...you have?" he asked, surprised. "I didn't think anyone as nice as you would wonder about it...but I guess you'd have more reason to wonder than anyone. I don't mean to be rude, but...it just doesn't seem like someone like you has any reason or need to be here, you know?"

"Hehe." Smiling at her uncertainty at her words, he shook his head. "No, no, that's perfectly comprehensible. It seems like...well, since we can't really have true friendships outside of the organization, it makes those close to us within it all the more precious and important to us. We share each others' pain and guilt, seems like." He sighed. "And the feeling of being trapped like this forever..."  

[Gwennythe]

"Uh. No. Not a permanent one anyway. Not yet." Tambrey answered and shook her head. "A lot of my work takes place in the labs, I guess... I still have t'do missions and stuff but I'm in the labs a lot more than I'm off-base. I guess it's easy enough to place people together temporarily in situations like that..." She had no doubt she'd probably be assigned a partner properly at some point, perhaps if she were ever promoted (it seemed like there was a lot more expectation to do work off-base when such a position was earned), but that was the theory she had for why she didn't have a full time one yet.
Unless they expected her to partner with her roommate. Well, she hoped not.

"Probably." She answered, with a smile and a nod, as Shadow asked whether the words she'd chosen had come from a book; the response to the words, and being called a poet, had been nice, but she suspected they had been something she'd read somewhere, or at least similar to it.

The last points caused her to pause and have to think about what she wanted to say next, and how to answer truthfully.
"I don't know about nice." She stated carefully. "The first year I was here, though, I was a real... um, mess. I felt sorry for myself, I felt betrayed and helpless. I had to wonder if there was some way out, and I spent a long time thinking about the things we were trained to do. Then I was injured on missions, I saw... death," she admitted, slowly, watching carefully for Shadow's reaction, hoping this wasn't a bad thing to be doing "and that changed the person I was. It's taken time but I've come to the conclusions I've just shared with you, made peace with the fact I'm here... To a point." She sighed. "I did... choose this path, you know. I wasn't sure about that for a long time but I've realised that I did. I didn't choose to become a criminal, to do what we have to do now, but I certainly chose to enter this world..." Tambrey hoped that made sense.
The girl smiled again, but wearily, as she nodded in agreement with the very last he mused upon.
"Exactly... Although," This was the risky part, she felt, even for her own feelings, and she swallowed before answering. "I think y' could either see it as being trapped here- a life sentence, and it is- or you could look past it, as hard as that is, and focus on the, um, friends that have come of it. I decided that I do what I'm made to, now, not only to survive for myself, but because if I don't, the friends I have here may be let down in one way or another, and I'm closer to the friends I've made here than to any I ever made before all this..."
The grunt blushed and then reached up to adjust her glasses, a little embarrassed about saying so much.
"Sorry. Um. I guess that's a little bit of a heavy topic..."  

[Shawn Darrow]

Shadow nodded, not having considered those dynamics of partnership before. Of course she'd likely have to be partnered up with someone who also worked in the labs or else they'd hardly see much of each other. And there wasn't much point if they didn't meet up every now and then. "Well when you get one, I hope they're good. Rory's an okay partner, but I bet he often wishes he'd been assigned to you instead of me," he chuckled lightly.

The street kid listened attentively as Tambrey described her first year as a Rocket. He was surprised, but at the same time he was glad to hear another story so similar-sounding to his own. He may not have seen death on missions, but he knew it well enough to remember the point in his life when it, too, had changed him.

It was those kind of moments that made you really think about your values and what you would die for as opposed to what was worth surviving to fight for. He remembered having talked to Jerome a while ago about Team Rocket and the situation that all its members had gotten themselves into. Some thought it was a conscious choice while others didn't see it as a choice. But wasn't living a choice in itself?

When she finished, Shadow shook his head. "No, I appreciate it," he told her. "All this you've shared with me. I appreciate knowing your opinion about it. Most people are too shallow to really think about things like this, but you always have a profound perspective on things." He smiled. "Thank you, Tambrey."  

[Gwennythe]

She smiled. Of course, she hoped they'd be a good partner too, but she had to admit, if she thought about it, she didn't /really/ mind not having one; perhaps for certain missions.
Tambrey blushed just slightly, but didn't look unhappy, to hear Shadow mention that he thought Rory would likely wish to be assigned as her partner sometimes.
"Well. I don't know. Besides," She smiled "you two kind of make a good partnership... I know you argue and stuff but I'd think that would mean you can keep each other 'in check', y'know? Keep each other thinking about things."

She was glad, she thought, to hear that he'd appreciated what she'd shared. She wasn't sure she'd ever been called 'profound' before and she found it to be quite a compliment.
"Um. You're welcome and... Thank you. I hope it's a bit comforting, if anything... This is the first time," she admitted "that I've said such things out loud... Talking with someone about it helps too."  

[Shawn Darrow]

"Yeah, I guess we do okay," he said, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "We're different enough to balance each other out. It's just those differences that also make us drive each other up the wall." He chuckled good-naturedly. "But as usual, you're right. I'm lucky to have gotten Rory as a partner."

Shadow smiled. "I'm glad. I agree, too. It's hard to know who you can trust, especially within an organization like this where you have to be careful what you say. But I'm really glad to have you to be able to talk to. You're a really great friend."

Lindsay, after some time of being silent, opened her eyes and began to growl again. She didn't like all this intimate talk between Tambrey and her Shawn, even if they claimed to just be friends.

Shadow sighed. "Alright, alright, I'm talking too much anyway. I should probably get down to training." He smiled at the female grunt. "Don't go easy on me."