[FIN] Spot the Differences

[BlackFireKitsune]

"I don't hear you counting," she countered again with a heated glare, tears still lining her eyes and staining her cheeks. Setbacks. Brain damage - the thought infuriated her first, but her inner demon jumped at the chance to remind her that hey, it could've happened, and she was just too stupid to realize it yet.

She might've fallen prey to her own harsh inner criticisms if Akira hadn't continued with his reasons for his empathy. "You're incapacitated because of your sister's and your wife's problems? You are. I can't believe you'd even think of thinking that!" She spat suddenly, crumpling the tissues into her hand and throwing them at him - not that they'd even do much, given their soft nature. "No, you can't understand, and if that's how you're trying to empathize, then you can't do that either - that is the most selfish, bullshit-laden thing I have ever heard in my life."  

[Akira Midoriyama]

He blinked rapidly, less sure than ever as to how to handle the situation. "N-no, that's not what I'm talking about!" Akira threw up his hands in a half-hearted attempt to block the tissues she tossed at him. It was incapacity to deal with situations like this, for starters. Not that that would be a good thing to bring up about now.

"Okay, forget them for a moment. Their issues aren't what I was referring to. If we're talking about my disabilities, that's another thing entirely. I'm a coward, I'm indecisive, I make terrible decisions, and I-I'm an insensitive b*****d, I know. I have trouble balancing matters of the mind with matters of the heart. I try to help people, but I'm always screwing up and I'm so completely oblivious about certain things that I don't realize I'm being insulting until after the person has taken offense." He hardly stopped for breath, knowing he would be unable to continue if he paused even for a moment.

"And yes, yes I am absolutely selfish. I wouldn't be here talking to you right now if I wasn't. I'd be miserable and not feeling guilty and - well, I'd probably still be questioning what I'm doing with my life, but I wouldn't be pouring out my soul to a beautiful girl who I'm still doing my best to get to know and failing miserably at it. I have trouble communicating and I know that, but I also seem to have this horrible urge to try to comfort people who seem to be upset, so even when I know I'll just make things worse, I have to try. It's part of who I am and I've tried to change it, but as we've been saying, there are some things we just can't change!"

Chest heaving, he gave her a pained look, his brows slanted up and his forehead creased. "Seraphine, please. I know you don't want my pity, or anyone's for that matter. But what I'm trying to say is that we all have our faults and that some are less our fault than others. It just blows my mind that someone like you, someone so - so strong and confident would let an injury like this defeat you. Yes, it's a lot, especially combined with everything that's happened involving your friends, Team Rocket, and your father, but don't let that change who you are."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

His hasty, self-deprecating remarks and comments, as well as the fact he had pretty much agreed with everything she said, quickly both placated and deflated her, and she shrank in on herself to continue crying, her face once again buried in her arms. He was talking still, saying so many things - too many things - and her short-lived outburst had quickly fizzled out, and with it went the desire to think or talk about anything else. All she wanted to do was sit and cry and explain her reasons for doing so, but it was like he was attempting to block her at every turn - quite an accomplishment, given the fact she'd barely moved the whole time - and so processing the conversation and trying to think of how to respond, if she even needed to think, quickly wore her out. All she wanted to do was sit and cry in peace, not get into a full-on discussion of her feelings and why she shouldn't be having these feelings that she felt she was supposed to be feeling - not that she actually had any desire to feel them, though.

"Stop it," she finally said through her tears, shaking her head a little as it continued to rest on her arms. "Just... Just shut up. You talk too much," the brunette finished, her anger completely gone at this point, and unsure herself if telling him to 'shut up' was a final attempt at anger or if it was just a real wish for him to stop talking. It was hard for her to think that she shouldn't change when so much had happened - most he didn't even know about or understand - and so many things were gone. So many things, and she couldn't help but feel as if her old self had gone with them.  

[Akira Midoriyama]

At her request, Akira promptly shut his mouth, feeling worse than ever. His shoulders drooped and he hung his head, wondering what, exactly, he'd been trying to accomplish.

He stared at her a minute more, thinking about sitting back down, but no, that likely would just make things awkward again. She probably didn't want to see him right now. Maybe she just didn't have the energy to tell him to go away.

His lips parted yet again, but he remembered what she'd asked of him and the words died before they left his tongue. 'I'm sorry', he mouthed in silence instead, guessing she probably wouldn't see, but feeling obligated to do so just the same.

Then, after a moment more, he turned around and walked away, his hands tucked under each arm. His retreating figure stooped with helplessness and regret. Maybe she needed someone right now and maybe she didn't, but Akira had finally managed to convince himself that he wasn't that someone.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Her compressed position prevented her from seeing his silent apology, but even through her quiet crying she could hear the sounds of his footsteps as they left, and she jerked her head up quickly. "Wait," she started, but suddenly seemed to realize something partway through her sentence and instead simply trailed off, "don't..." Don't go. Don't leave me here alone. Don't hate me. So many don't's flitted through her mind, but all of them shriveled up and died; she didn't dare voice any of them. He was probably upset at her - angry, even - for yelling at him and then telling him to shut up. Why would he ever want to stay? He wouldn't, obviously, and the fact that she'd begun to ask him otherwise was downright rude, not to mention absolutely pathetic. She bowed her head again at the realization.  

[Akira Midoriyama]

Halting at the plea, Akira turned curiously, almost not daring to believe that she might have actually wanted him to stay. Her faded fragment of a sentence reached him, however, and he immediately started back to her side. Perhaps she hadn't been as angry with him as he'd feared. Or maybe she really did just need someone - anyone - to stick around while she sorted things out.

So, awkward or not, he sat himself beside her, not looking at her for fear of making her feel uncomfortable again, but allowing himself a small smile nevertheless.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

When he stopped and returned, she kept her head low over her arms, still inwardly berating herself for pretty much all of her life choices. She was grateful for his presence though, even if she didn't really want to talk anymore and just simply cry instead.