[FIN] Equivalent Exchange

[Suudonym]

He exhaled a slow, cautious sigh, eyes still closed. "I'm tired," he murmured. "I haven't been able to sleep since I woke up after surgery. It hurts so much sometimes it almost makes me nauseous. I'm afraid, because I can't feel or move my legs at all and they're telling me I should be prepared for it to be permanent. I feel like I shouldn't complain - knowing that this would happen wouldn't have changed my decisions - but… it sucks." He tensed mildly, an intangible pain in his expression and his hands clenching lightly at the bedsheets. "It really sucks."  

[Blood_Goddess]

It might have been easier to look back at her knees while he spoke, rather then to have to see the pain on his face, but as he talked she gave him her full attention, watching, and listening.
her lips parted slightly at the mention that he could not feel or more his legs, only adding to the cold shock that the doctors were warning about it being permanent.

Still, she stayed quiet as he did, turning a little toward him on the bed, but not so much that it risked moving him, just enough so that she could reach a hand up, and with a gentle touch brushed strands of hair from his forehead, and smooth them back in a sympathetic gesture.
"I'm sorry this happened..." she spoke in a light tone,  

[Suudonym]

He shook his head in dismissal, "I don't regret it. I'm glad I went, and I'm glad I fought, and I'm glad you're okay, but…" The trembling was involuntary and unwanted, especially given that it tensed the damaged musculature of his back. "But I don't know. I don't know. What am I supposed to do? What if this wasn't the end of the battle? I can't fight again like this. I can't train my pokemon like this. I don't even know if I could get into my apartment like this. What am I supposed to do?"  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Hey." she said lightly, "This doesn't mean you have to give up." she rested her hand on his arm. "This might change things, and I imagine that its going to take some adjusting, but that doesn't mean that this is it. Not if you don't want to to be."  

[Suudonym]

"I'm not giving up," - he said the words easily, automatically even, even though the opposite was far more true at this point - "but I'm not going to let myself turn into a burden either. I'm not just going to stand there and--" The irony of the words caught harshly in his throat, and he raised the back of his hand across his mouth. "Sorry. Sorry, I-- I just feel kind of sick…"  

[Blood_Goddess]

She didn't think he would, certainly not, it wasn't in his nature.
"I know... I know, I didn't mean it like that." she reassured gently. "we can figure this out, just... later, for now take it easy, you're in a lot of pain."
She had no idea what to do for him, other then just try and make sure he was as comfortable as he could be.  

[Suudonym]

He nodded tersely, shallowing his breathing to decrease the movement in his torso. "I'm sorry," he said at length. "I don't know why, but I am."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"I'm sorry too," she replied "that any of this happened."
"And well..."closing her lips hesitating as she glanced over to Kiss Kiss before continuing "For what its worth, you really are a hero, and in more ways then one. you sacrificed a lot for me, and I feel just terrible about it, but..."
"I'm grateful that you survived it, Grateful that I could be here now."

She smiled apologetically at him, reaching a hand up to nervously play with the ends of her hair, joined with an uncertain giggle " I- I can't expect it will make a difference how many time I say it, it won't really change anything... but I won't forget this sacrifice you made. I promise I'll do whatever I can to help. If there is one thing I want you know if that you don't need to be alone in this."
At the very LEAST she owed him that much,  

[Suudonym]

He would have shrugged, but the gesture didn't seem worth the discomfort he knew it would incur. "I don't know about 'hero;' it sounds kind of arrogant." He paused a moment, weary. "But if that's how you feel, then I'm happy."

There was another length of silence, and then a request, "Could I see your hand for a minute?" He expectantly raised his own hand, palm up.  

[Blood_Goddess]

"I better word fails to come to mind," she countered with a more genuine smile, "I don't mean to make it sound like that, I know its probably a bit romanticized but... really, I mean it."

Heroic Prince, yes indeed, though one who gave up much... too much.

looking at his hand, arching her eyebrows at the request, and wordlessly she reached her hand out to his, curious what he wanted to see.  

[Suudonym]

He would very much have liked to have been able to hold her, to have her warmth in his arms as a reassurance and a comfort, but his present condition made that essentially impossible. Upon receiving her hand, he closed his fingers around it, holding it gently yet firmly in substitute for the embrace he couldn't offer. Tired from lack of proper rest and bleary from the effects of insufficient medication, he pulled her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her fingers.  

[Blood_Goddess]

She liked it when he took her hand, whenever he did, it was just a moment like she could be closer to him, even just a little. She worried about reading into it too much, sure, but it was hard not to get a slight fluttering feeling in her chest whenever his skin touched hers.

He had done these gestures quite often though, since returning from Grand Ile, and she never got tired of them, usually during times when he was nervous, or uncertain. She was assuming that might be the case now, until she watched him left her hand, and felt his kiss her fingers.

Even if she wanted to she would not have been able to stop the blush that flushed her cheeks, blue eyes widening a little as the fluttering of her heart just threatens to bust out of her chest.  

[Suudonym]

Again his eyes closed, as if his body had suddenly realized how direly it was in need of repose, and his hand gradually slipped away from hers.  

[Blood_Goddess]

It seemed that Luke had been spent, more to her fortune really when she came to realize that her cheeks were probably very pink, Though, as she pulled her hand back and placed it to her chest, only prying her speechless gaze from his face, to look up to the monitor sitting by his bed side.
... It looked like he was okay, alive, just exhausted and in pain.

Clutching her hand tighter to her chest, the blond tilted her head down not even trying to suppress the quiver running through her shoulders.
More than anything she wished she could just tell him, not just dance around the meaning just actually tell him. she had enough reason to believe that he cared too... But the recent events, or just the style of his life as it has been she couldn't even dare to. He lost his legs becasue of her, he could never walk again, the reality of how much he was suffering, in pain, at this very moment.

She looked back up at him, fighting back the urge to cry as she shivered weakly where she sat. "I'm so sorry."