|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 3:55 am
 |
|
|
 |
I bottle up my feelings a lot, because I'm afraid to speak my mind. When I do speak my mind, it obviously comes out very rude and it offends a lot of people. I have lost friends because I speak my mind, and I'm just scared to speak my mind, but I end up doing it. I try to not be rude, but I don't try to hide my opinions either. Sometimes I swear, but it's only really when someone swears at me first, and it is never actually directed at that person...
I need to be less of a jerk. I need to know if I need to hide my opinions, or just sugar coat them, or what I need to do. I also stutter a lot when I'm truly nervous, so how can I stop that? It brings up a lot of misunderstandings that make people not want to talk to me. I just need to know how to stop being a big jerk and a b***h and a brat and all of those things. It's been really stressing me out, not just the fact that I speak my opinion and that seems to be a bad thing, but I always say the wrong thing or start some sort of misunderstanding. I only have one friend right now, and I'm likely on the verge of losing her as well. I know I should be lucky I have friends, I've been told that by a lot of people I know.
I'm sorry if I'm ranting. Below are the issues I need to have help with:
1. I always speak my mind, and often times it can be very rude. How can I stop myself from doing this?
2. Same with #2, except I need to stop stating my opinion so much? Would it anger people if I lied about what my opinion was to make them feel better?
3. Should I stop asking people questions like "have you played this game" or "Do you like this show"? I'm not even sure why on this one, but some people find these sorts of questions insulting. Is it my tone? I mean, I ask things like "Do you like watching NCIS" or "Do you like playing pokemon games?" They always seem to get mad at me in some shape or form. I'm sorry if this is really obvious, but it wasn't for me much of the time. One time, someone said "Dude, my DS was taken away from me and sold by *Insert name here*. Why the hell do you think I'd play Pokemon anyway?" I can understand that they were angry about their DS being taken from them and sold, but I just don't understand most other issues people have. I don't even know if that person told me about what happened to their DS.
4. Should I just play video games other people want me to play? One person said that I should "Drop playing World of Warcraft" to play The Elder Scrolls Online, but when I said no, they got angry at me, including about other things that were all misunderstandings or things I worded wrong then tried to correct.
Also, I'm not sure if this helps, but I know a lot of people I used to be friends with ignored me without telling me (At least directly) what I said or did wrong. I don't really understand things that aren't direct, and I'm not sure if this is from Aspberger's syndrome or what, but I just don't understand things that are not direct. Is this a problem I should try harder on working on? I mean, I've tried really, really hard on working on it, but it hasn't gotten better.
I'm really, really sorry if this was the wrong place to post this. I'm also sorry if this came off rude or anything of the sort. Thank you if you're reading this, and if you answer, could you please try to be direct, but not rude...? I'm sorry if that last part was a bad thing, I just needed to know directly, but I didn't really want people to be rude to me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:45 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 7:34 am
|
|
|
|
To be completely honest, you are worrying over nothing.
this is simply a case on whether or not you have the self confidence to use to you advantage or if you can oppose other people.
For example, why would you be hesitant about speaking your own mind, and then contemplating whether or not your opinion was right? if you feel that it is the right choice for you, then you don't need to make yourself believe someone else's beliefs; however, when you do state your opinions, you need to know that you have to respect the other person yoou are having an altercation, or a discussion with. You should know that in the case of both of you being unable to choose what is truly correct, then you have to disagree.
you should be mindful about how people are, but no need to lose yourself over them. if you are losing your friends because you are opinionated, then they were not your friends to begin with. trust me. i have recently gone through a shift of friends because my old group of friends do not understand me. sometimes, my new group leaves me out of the loop, but i really don't mind. i like the time to think alone.
you can't stop yourself from being who you are. you are just honest. honesty comes with the price of sounding like a jerk because you are saying what people don't want to hear. this is why it comes of rude.
ok. no, you have your interests, and other people have theirs. to connect to other people, you need to find similarities with them. in the case of the guy who lost their DS, say you are sorry, but you didn't know, nor were you informed. It is rude to suggest that you knew information that you spjust found out today. it isn't blatanlty obvious that he lost it, so why the hell should you know, and why the hell would you even put up with that?
it depends on whether you want to try playing them or not, honestly. games are games. you never know if you are going to like it until you try it. if world pr warcraft is your game, then why the hell are you letting people tell you what you should like? i mean, maybe take their opinion to a suggestion, and if you get bored of WoW, know that you have other options. just state that you enjoy things your way, not other people's way. don't make yourself uncomfortable of being yourself.
if they can't tell you what is wrong, then ask them. these could be things you need to take in stride because this is how others view you. don't let it affect you too much though, but if it is something you can't change, like your bluntness, or stutter then say that you can't change that. communication is a must between friends. it tells you whether or not they are worth being your friends or not. nevermind, communication is important with everybody. honestly. it could be with peers, family members, your cat, idk, but communication is a must. remember to speak calmly, think things through your head before you say them.
if you need things to be stated to your face, then tell the person, mija.
no. it does not come off rude at all.
what i think the problem here is to work on yourself, work on loving yourself, and work on being yourself. you are the only you out there in his world of more than 7 billion. appreciate it. flaunt it. you are you. if you love yourself, then others will come to love you as well.
i had the same problems before, save the stuttering, i dealt with them in a way that other people would deal with them, but i ended up making myself unhappy. i turn, i stopped focusing on them and started focusing on me, what i wanted, and who i wanted to be. after that, everything just fell into place. i stopped worrying endlessly, and meticulously over details that trouble other people, and instead worked on my own s**t instead.
i found new friends. new friends who appreciate what i have to say. they take it in stride and they don't take it too far up the a** when i give them my opinion.
build your self confidence first, yo.
but, if you have other things to say or anything, don't hesitate to PM me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 8:43 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 11:32 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 1:04 pm
|
|
|
|
As someone who has worked with a lot of different people, in many different countries, different positions and such, especially in leadership roles I have learnt to manage and interact with all sorts of people including some extremly opinionated people.
My view on opinions, is similar to many things...kind of like this
"Religion is like a p***s. It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around... and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my child's throat"
Replace religion with opinion, because at the end of the day they are kind of similar, they might be right, they might be wrong, it might even be how you define yourself. But another persons ideas shouldnt define you, nor should you thiers.
Part of the issue in terms of asking thier opinion might be in how you are doing it. Are you asking just to hear thier opinion, or are you asking because you want them to ask you yours so you can say why your opinion is good, or maybe better? If you asked them if they liked X and they awnsered without asking you back, would you care? Often people love to share about themselves but dont care to hear about others. And thats okay thats just how people are.
For me I am very live and let live, as long as someone isnt hurting someone I am pretty much okay with what they do, how they live etc. And if someone is a angry person I just avoid dealing with them. (Or like if they are a angry customer I help them however I can, and then after they are gone I throw thier anger away, because seldom is anyone actually angry at you....you are just the first person they have been able to direct thier anger towards...and mostly they just wanted to be listened to.
Although the best was I avoid causing waves is basically indifference. At the end of the day I really dont care about how people are as long as they are happy, and not harming others or themselves. If people do push me, I am good at asking leading questions for them to say what they really mean, and I am good at only giving them more paths to explain without adding any of myself in or my opinion. Because often if someone is upset your opinion really dosent matter, and often will only frustrate them more.
Thats just me though.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
