What more can I do? What more should I do?

[angelicgoddessofdeath]

Hi. I'll try to keep this short and simple since I tend to talk a lot and I'm sure that tends to annoy people.

Almost every day it seems I'm sad for whatever reason but I don't know why. I just am. I pretty much hate myself. I hate living. It's always so painful. I feel like there is no escape. I feel like I'm worthless.

I love talking to people. I guess people don't like that though. I guess I should just learn to shut up. People often say mean things to me. Yell at me. Call me stupid. Tell me that I'm incapable of doing things right. Like nothing I do is right. Everything that I do is just wrong.

I try to reach out. I've tried to talk to my family but all of my life they have made me wish that I had never been born. The constantly remind me that nobody loves me. They tell me that I should just shut up and stop being such a drama queen. That no one is going to pity me or feel sorry for me. To stop playing the victim. But I am a victim. They constantly yelled at me and beat me. Even attempt to kill me. Threatened that they would actually kill me if I were to tell anyone.

I've tried to talk to my friends. They all just tell me to stop it. To stop saying such negative things and stop thinking so negatively. To stop making up stories. To get out and get some fresh air. They pretty much just push me off to the side. Reminding me that if I'm not happy and chipper 24/7 then they don't want to be my friend anymore. Tell call me names like crybaby and attention whore. They act like they know me like the back of their hand but in reality they just make up stuff so they can feel better about themselves.

I don't want attention. I don't even want to be here. On this planet. In this life. I just want it all to end. Nothing is alright. Everything is wrong with me. Okay I'm done. I could say more but I think I've said too much and I'm sure I'll just be told to deal with it.  

[Karrobher]

At first I thought you were describing a textbook case of clinical depression.
Then I realized that your environment is really bad.
Then I noticed that the perception you had about your friends just might feel a bit biased.
I don't want to tell you to stop feeling sad or angry. I have the firm belief that even all negative feelings have a place in life. I won't tell you to cheer up because I know that in time you will naturally come to serenity and then to a quiet sensation of satisfaction about yourself. Know that I, for one, have no need to demand cheerfulness from a friend who feels down.

I trust you will learn how to avoid the hurt, grow stronger and heal your own pain alone.
if you ever need to vent, do so. I will listen. if you do need attention, I will hear you out. if you need advice, ask and I will answer. if you think I'm calling you an attention whore, you are mistaken. but if you also believe that I'm a good Samaritan, you are also mistaken. I'm an old man who saw life and death and confirmed they're both sides of the same coin and that young people are too busy spending the coin to even notice.

Good luck to you.  

[Sash0]

Try to cheer up there will always be good things around some people are nice just some can't stand negativity I know I try to be positive cause feel depressed myself which makes negativity affect me the wrong way, I have pets for friends luckily otherwise would prob not be around but found a friend on here that has helped me a lot and cheers me up sometimes and there will be always someone around you can hopefully talk too.