[FIN] Private Concert

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

"That's probably what scared me about it..." he murmured under his breath.

At the mention of his singing, he laughed. "Once I sang at a party that us Rockets went to at a club in Camphoreon. Shame you missed that one. I don't think anyone'd appreciate me singing here in the base where the walls echo with sound and there's no escape."

Sneering a little at Adam's comment, he closed his eyes. "I suppose." He was silent for a time before speaking again.

"You told me something important about yourself; something difficult to tell that explained some of what makes you who you are today. It's especially valuable in how vulnerable that information makes you and how few others know of it. It seems only fair that I offer you the same kind of information." A pause. "If you want it,of course."  

[Magician Arcana]

Adam grinned at the scene that came to mind. A club in Camphoreon, and terrible singing, "Man... All the more reason to sing now. Annoy the ******** out of 'em." He wanted to say that when Izaya could, they should go to a club, but it wasn't a good idea... Not right now at least. Freedom and the outside were still tricky subjects. Everytime Adam went off base he felt immense guilt.

It was surprising... Koibito willingly offering to tell him something so crucial. It didn't make smart business sense... And it cemented for Adam something he had been hoping he hadn't misread. Adam smiled softly and nodded, "I... I'd want to hear it... Thank you."  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Laughing at the blond's suggestion, Izaya shrugged. "Maybe I will sometime, then. I doubt even they would kill me for that."

With Adam's given confirmation, the shorter grunt's own smile dissolved into his default one. The emotion-concealing one. "Don't thank me; this is as much for me as it is for you. It may not be something I'd easily share, but just like your information is likely to keep me from acting any more stupid than I mean to in the future, I hope mine will teach you something."

He took a deep breath, eyes still closed. "I don't know if you heard of her, but there was a girl - a jewelry thief I used to sell information to years ago. Back then she went by the thief name of 'Bouquet'. We lost touch for a time, but when she approached me again a while later, she offered me a job. Recruitment as a Rocket due to my skills as an informant."

"I accepted for a number of reasons. Two of the main ones were that I got to lay low with protection against my enemies while at the same time gaining the unique opportunity to observe humans I otherwise wouldn't have been able to learn about. Not to mention gain access to all sorts of other information forbidden to outsiders."

"Anyway, I soon discovered that this girl, only sixteen years of age, was already an agent, and a good one at that. I'll admit I didn't account for living a life of being ordered around, so naturally I got into some trouble during my first few months. Agent Aila took responsibility since she was the one who recruited me, but she didn't lose faith in me. All the while I kept trying to learn about her, and instead of pushing me away, she actually opened up." His mouth became a firm line. "And then she went and tried to convince me she was my friend."

"I wouldn't hear any of it, of course. She was a young teenager who'd been through a lot. She had come from a noble family in Grande Ile, but she and her mother ended up in Kodo instead. She'd worked as a jewelry thief to try to please her mother, but the woman died, making Aila's efforts virtually pointless. That was when she turned her talents towards Team Rocket's ends. Probably to find some sort of meaning in life."

He raised a hand to gesture. "Prior to my joining the organization, I'd heard some stuff went down regarding a mission that turned into her assassination of her niece. Lots of regret, there. Maybe she just didn't know what she was doing after that point. I don't think she ever really forgave herself for that."

"Perhaps she tried to befriend me out of some misplaced hope for redemption. Maybe she thought if she could convince me I wasn't alone, then she'd be able to convince herself she wasn't, either. I have no clue. The point was that I'd purposely kept myself distant from people since middle school and I'd done so for a reason. But of course all that went to s**t during one particular mission."

Taking another breath, he forced himself to continue, not sure he could make himself do so if Adam made some comment in between. It was embarrassing enough to talk about this as it was. "We had been assigned to go after Team Galactic, the Rockets' biggest rivals at the time. It was a particularly treacherous mission that ended up with one of their elites dead. Then Deimos - their leader - had his stupid Shaymin cause an explosion to cover their escape. They told us to stick together, but as usual, I thought I could do more on my own. Everything began to collapse, including one of the suspended cat walks I had ascended against orders. I got badly hurt when I hit the ground, especially since everything was metal."

"No one would have come back for a grunt idiotic enough to seal his own fate. No one with intelligence, or even the most basic survival instincts. The last person I would have expected to have my back was a teenage agent who had such potential as a Rocket and so much to live for. She'd even just managed to make amends with her brother, whose daughter she had killed."

"She took some shrapnel to the back during the explosion. If she hadn't come back to help me and attempt to shield me with her own body, there's no way I would have survived. It was her life or mine, and she imposed her friendship on me in the worst way possible. I had no choice but to accept it as she lay dying in my arms from the shock of her wounds on the way back to base."

He forced a laugh. "Of course everyone blamed me. Her partner - a hot-tempered teenage red-headed agent named Asch - had already disliked me from the start. He was livid when he heard what had happened." His steadfast grin dug painful trenches in his cheeks. "So what did I do? I made absolutely sure he hated my guts. I taunted him for not having been on that mission and supporting her as her partner. At her memorial, I went on about how dense she had been to give up her life so easily. I even went so far as to knock Asch out, cut off those long locks of his that told him apart from his loathed twin brother, and let him corner me within reach of his sword."

"Heh...he might have done it if Faleen hadn't been there to make him hesitate. But he realized in time what I'd been trying to do, and for that, he denied me it." His voice broke when he tried to laugh again, so he stopped laughing and trying to smile so hard. "He knew that letting me live would have been more painful than anything else he could have done to me. My guilt and grief made certain of that."  

[Magician Arcana]

Adam didn't make a sound. He'd been to enough therapy sessions to know that any interjections would cause Izaya to lose confidence. It was clear from the smile on the grunt' face that this was very, very painful, and not something the other wanted to discuss. So the fact that he was willing to do so, even if it was in repayment, touched Adam. Bones only reacted by nods, his eyes never straying far from Izaya's hands or face. It was important, during these situations, that the one who was doing the talking not feel that the listener was bored.

So this was the stupid one that got killed... Adam remembered Izaya mentioning his other 'friend' had gotten killed for him. That and anyone attempting to be his friend was suicidal. He listened, already knowing where the story would end, and wanting to cry out t stop. It might be an equal exchange, but Adam didn't want Izaya to hurt. Stopping words didn't change the past. Aila was always going to be dead, even if Adam stopped the story. If only reality worked so simply. He bit his lower lip and waited for the inevitable.

It was the notion that everyone blamed him that made Adam sick and furious. He wasn't too thrilled still with how "agent" Faleen was handling her partner, but this was the nail in the coffin. He squashed down his objections and let Izaya finish, allowing the facts to form in his mind slowly. There were surely pieces missing. Parts that were omitted by forgetfulness or pain. Still, Adam would gladly take his roommates side.

He didn't respond at first. Instead, Adam snaked an arm around Izaya's shoulder and pulled him closer. Where did you begin? Adam closed his eyes and sighed slowly, "First of all... It's really s**t they treated you like that. You can't control people, Izaya, even with how good you are. Aila... Did what she wanted to do, right until the end. Did they offer you some sort of counseling for this? Cause if they didn't, then they're a hopeless organization."

The parts about Asch, and forcing his anger back at them, even going so far to defame Aila at her own service, hurt Adam, "I bet she was sad when she heard you say that about her at the funeral. Not 'cause you were being mean, but because you were upset... And no one was gonna see it. They were just going to get angrier at you. They were going to hurt you like you wanted to be hurt.

"I dunno Aila. I dunno most of these dweebs. But I know you and I..." Adam hesitated, knowing what he was about to say was not going to go over well, "Izaya... It wasn't your fault. If Aila really wanted to be your friend, she'd hate to see you like this, alone and still hurting over her death. It's okay to like... forgive yourself. Not that I know how to do that well."

Laughing sardonically, he grinned at Iza weakly, "Hell I was a little kid and I... Yeah. I still have that shame and guilt." Looking away, Adam took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "You gotta stop punishing yourself, though. It won't bring her back. And it won't make you happy."

So what did this mean? Obviously the friendship word as... Going to be out. It was not a good word for Izaya, at least now. Adam knew there were issues with it, but he didn't know how deep they ran, "I'm sorry I pushed that word on you. But it's... It's not like I don't want to be that with you. Or some form. Maybe I'm just being selfish. Like I said you... Make me happy. You're fun and I really love being around you." Adam stared at his bedspread, wondering if any of his ramble was getting through. He toyed with his lower lip ring, the gears in his mind audible crunching away the information.  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Izaya's eyes opened and his brows rose as Adam put an arm around him and pulled him closer. There was that man-handling again. Oh well...it was pretty obvious by now that the teen was a touchy-feely person. He supposed he could let it go this once.

"'s**t'? Weren't you listening?" he chuckled. "I led them to treat me like that. That's what I wanted. And I was able to manipulate most of them them into it to an extent. Aila was just stubborn and did things her own way." He smirked at Adam. "Of course they offered. I insisted I didn't need it. Talking is what I do for fun; why would I need to go to some silly session for it? Unless I wanted to find out more about the counselor, that is."

The smirk was wiped off his face at the mention of what Aila must have felt. "Yes, well...she's dead, so unless there's some sort of afterlife, I doubt she'd even have any kind of existence to even feel, let alone know what I said. It was her doing, anyway. She didn't have to go and die so abruptly."

He looked up sharply at the words that it wasn't his fault. Crimson eyes held hazel ones, intense and challenging in their gaze. "I'll 'forgive myself' when I've become a better Rocket. Unfortunately, that hasn't been working out so well, but I'm not about to give up yet." Izaya reached out to ruffle Adam's hair, looking away. "I didn't tell you this to be comforted or pitied, baka. It's just an exchange of information. I've learned how to cope well enough. I'm focusing on the present instead of dwelling on the past and the things I can't change about it. Try to take your own advice; it sounds like you need it more than I do."

Blinking at the blond's words, the black-haired grunt suddenly laughed. "You don't need to omit the word from your vocabulary. If you leave it out, it sounds even more suggestive than it actually is." He shook his head. "I have no idea why you enjoy sticking around when trouble seems to follow me wherever I go. But it's not as though I can stop you. I've already tried multiple ways and you've made it clear you're not going anywhere, so I guess I'll just have to live with that." Despite his words, a small smile played on the man's lips. It was different from his usual smile in that it seemed to have actual emotion behind it. "Just don't go dying on me, too, or there'll be no one left who's able to tolerate me."  

[Magician Arcana]

"Oi, I'm not pitying you," Adam responded before a huff of a laugh as his hair was ruffled. The comment about taking his own advice, was... Well... Very accurate. Adam sighed deeply and stared at the ceiling, "Yeah. I think I do need to."

"It did sound a LITTLE suggestive, but I thought maybe I was being a weird perv. Good to know it wasn't entirely my ears," Adam grinned toothily at his roommate, pleased that e wasn't forbidden from using the word or, it seemed from pursuing a friendship with the grunt. It wasn't going to be easy, but nothing was easy when it came to Izaya or life in general. It wasn't about to deter the punk.

The smile sealed the deal. It warmed Adam and, not for the first time, he felt his heart do a flip flop that was confusing and startling, "I'm a little harder to kill than average. So I think I'm good. But I'll be doubly vigilant to not die. Can't have you alone and lonely."

Adam remained quiet, looking ahead as he let their words settle down. It felt... Weird, but good. Adam thought he might feel more awkward, but in reality he just felt tired from having cried so hard and all the tension that had filled him. Resting his head on Izaya's shoulder, he smiled softly, "Thanks for listening to me and uhm... I guess tolerating me too. It.. Thanks."  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

"Tch! You should watch more than just your back. Like your drinking habits and your temper. Those could just as easily be the death of you, you know. Contrary to what your age group tends to believe, you're more vulnerable as a juvenile, not invincible." There was a note of indignation. "And I don't get lonely."

Smirking and looking off to one side as Adam rested against him, Izaya raised a hand to flick Adam's temples with his thumb and forefinger. "Baka. Don't thank me for things I do out of my own interest."  

[Magician Arcana]

Flinching, Adam swatted playfully at Izaya's hand before snorting. He didn't bother to draw up his head, "Yeah yeah~ I guess you're right. It just seemed like the good thing to do... Since I learned something valuable too."

Crying normally didn't tire Adam out, but having all that fear, pain, and tension melt away in a short period of time left him exhausted, "I guess... I should maybe stop drinking. At least not as much." He had done somewhat good, curbing it to every now and then and going to greater lengths to not return to their joint room smelling like a bar rag. It wasn't always successful, but for the most part it was going well, "Oh jeeze... Did you hear about that dude? What was his name... Guess I never learned it. We got in a fight. Real p***k."  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

"No one cares about the 'good thing to do' here, Addi-chii. It's Team Rocket."

His brows furrowed. "What 'dude'? A fight...?" There were only a handful of people Izaya knew who would have been so willing to start a fight, even with a firecracker like Adam. "...Ne, you really are going to end up like me if you keep that up. Please tell me he at least didn't out-rank you."  

[Magician Arcana]

"No, he didn't outrank me. He was a grunt," Adam explained briefly what Kyle looked like, "I went up and started talking to him. He told me my code name was stupid. I... Think I might have called him a name or teased him? And then he like lost it. So yeah, I guess I initiated the fight itself, but the other guy was such a shitlord."

Adam remained quiet and sighed softly, his voice coming out softly, "I won't, Izaya. Why would I? This is the first fight I've been in since I joined."  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Izaya gave a soft groan at Kyle's description. Of course. Even prior to Adam, that one had been getting into fights all on his own. The black-haired man had thought Aulus or Jerome might have managed to straighten him out by now, especially since the informant was pretty sure Kyle answered to Jerome directly as a superior, but evidently that didn't mean he could resist regressing if another hot head prompted him to start something.

"Oh? Then I suppose I should be even more worried about what you don't consider a fight if you're not counting all the trouble we've gotten one another into in so many various ways."

The man playfully but gently shoved Adam's head off his shoulder and away from him back to the bed. "Now get some rest before I decide to knock you out myself. You look terrible." He pushed himself up off the bed and readjusted his clothing. "Perhaps I'll go visit your new brawling buddy some time to smooth things over and make sure you two play nice together in the future."  

[Magician Arcana]

With a grunt, Adam sunk into his bed properly and closed his heavy eyelids. While the loss of warmth was terrible, he didn't want to impose more on Izaya to force him to stay. Just that was a gift enough.

"Thanks.." He murmured sleepily before yawning and rolling over, "S'good idea... If he causes you trouble... I'll kick his a**." And with that final promise, the blonde was out like a light. Soft snoring peppered his space.