[PRP] Lost in Thought [Defiant, Roses in Bloom][END]

[Scaramouche Fandango]

Defiant wasn't always the wisest girl, but she usually was one of the cleverest- and usually able to deal with her problems. Internalize them, mull about them, solve them, fix them. But this was a problem she wasn't quite sure how to handle. What was worse was that this was a deeply personal problem, and one without a clear resolution. She sighed quietly; family issues were tough at the best of times, and with her busy schedule it was hard to leave her problems a home. But she was a different kin entirely at work; calmer, kinder, more capable. Who she was professionally was hardly the same as who she was personally, and right now she needed to have her business face on. It didn't matter that her mother wanted her to return to the family's territory; it didn't matter that she'd sent three couriers in the past week. It didn't matter that her mother had found her after all this time and might actually get off her hindquarters and come after her. Right here, right now, Defiant needed to be smiling and happy to help, so here she was.

She was vaguely aware of a customer approaching, so she put on her best business smile and attempted to forget the tumult of trouble headed her way. "Welcome to Rise and Company!" she chirped, almost too eagerly, as the customer, a black and gold and white doe, came nearer. "I'm Defiant; what can I help you with today?"  

[So Long Gay Bowser]

The voyage through her dreams had left Roses in Bloom more wayward than usual. Her hooves ached from travel, but still she pressed on. Perhaps, somewhere in the swamp, was the answer she sought. Her dreams were unruly, questioning things. They left her thirsty and longing, seeking something further. She had never been so desperate, so... undefined.

The sound of another voice stirred Rose from her thoughts. Flicking her ears, she listened to the doe- an acha, if she weren't mistaken- give an introduction to...

"Rise and Company? My, I thought I'd heard of many things in my travels, but this is news to me!" She replied, bowing her head politely in greeting. Rose offered the younger doe a smile, inspecting her curiously. Dawn had an acha in tow with him, but until now, she had not met one. Perhaps she was not as well versed as she thought.

"I'm rather tired, Defiant. I've been traveling so long, and if you don't mind, I'd very much like to rest, and perhaps speak with pleasant company. You seem about my daughter's age, actually."

Oh, Not With a Bang. It had been far, far too long since Rose had seen her daughter. Perhaps finding her would be the next step in her travels...  

[Scaramouche Fandango]

"Oh, you're not here as a customer? Rise and Company's a tribe- we serve food- but if you're not here to trade, then that means I can inundate you with free samples!" she said, extremely happy to break out the candied figs. They were delicious confections; fresh figs soaked in honey to preserve them at the peak of ripeness. "I might have a few regular customers coming by to pick up their usual orders- mind you don't rest over there," she said, angling her head at a pile of leaf-wrapped parcels. "That's dried fish and the smell will never get out of your hair. Trust me." She gestured the older doe to a small copse- the spot in her little patrol where she usually took her break. It was raised enough to be mostly dry, and comfortable enough to nap in for a few minutes. "You're welcome to rest here a bit- I'm afraid we might be interrupted, but I'd be happy to talk." Talking would keep her mind off her mother, even if the doe was reminded of her own daughter. "Have a seat and I'll dig up something to eat!" With a bit of a skip and a spring in her step, she went to retrieve the samples, leaving the doe to bed down in the leaves.  

[So Long Gay Bowser]

"How very curious," Roses in Bloom murmured, nodding along to the explanation. This was a chapter in her life she had not anticipated. There were kin who made tending to others into a business. She had been a good mother... but this was beyond her expertise. It was as though these kin were paid mothers. Having been given her spot, Rose cleared away from the Acha, and moved to the dry, raised spot.

"This is more than fine, dear," She crooned softly, lowering onto the leaves and folding her legs under herself. It was a rather soft spot, and it was easy on her weary bones. Rose drew a deep breath, and then sighed blissfully. What a wonderful break this was from her travels. Her eyes trailed after the sprightly doe, and despite her exhaustion, she felt... better.

"Don't let me interrupt anything, please! Your customers are more important," she assured, smiling kindly at the younger doe. She was certainly excited for these samples, she would admit. Whatever it was, it would be a pleasant change from the fish and berries she had eaten over her travels.  

[Scaramouche Fandango]

Balancing the sweets carefully on a long slab of bark, Defiant trotted over to the older doe and knelt nearby, placing the samples between them. "So, if you weren't looking for this place, mind if I ask how you found it? I mean, I guess it's a well-enough trafficked area of the swamp that it's not hard to wander across. Most kin approach from a pass north of here; the path leads to the main tribe area. But this place is good for a lot of customers who don't want to go that way to pick up their orders." The stranger seemed to want to talk, which was fine by her. Talking could be pretty nice, and it'd take her mind off her own troubles. That would be lovely.
 

[So Long Gay Bowser]

"Oh, I was just wandering," Rose admitted, a slight flush of embarrassment taking her face. She had not been such an adventurous doe in her youth, being so tied to Root, but her connection to Dawn had turned her into quite the adventurer. There was really nothing deeper to her quest than 'I was lonely and bored, so I wandered', but it was not the most motivational thing to admit to a stranger. Sniffing at the treats laid before her, Rose smiled.

"My... well, I'm not sure what to call him, really. Dawn's First Light romanced the idea of a nomadic life so much to me, I couldn't resist the call of travel!" She laughed softly, then took a nibble of one. It was much, much sweeter than her typical foods- Rose initially recoiled at the taste, not adjusted to something so strong on her palette. However, the more she chewed...

"I'm not used to something so sweet, but it's rather nice!" She called, swallowing the fig bite and beaming at the younger doe. It was actually VERY refreshing, after all of her hiking.

"So tell me, what brought you into the career of helping others?"  

[Scaramouche Fandango]

"It must be an exciting life, wandering. I know I could never do it- I don't think I'm brave enough. At the end of the day, I like knowing where I'm going to set my head. And- excuse me for a moment." Defiant's attention was momentarily taken by the sound of splashing in the distance- hoofbeats through standing water, maybe? Probably. It might be a customer- and in a moment, she saw that it was. Excusing herself, she fished out a wrapped package, thanked the kiokote buck cordially, then returned to Roses.

"It wasn't really about helping others at first or anything- I'm not noble enough for that," she said with a laugh. "What it's really about is that I left home and needed something to do. I know a lot of kin live alone and travel, but it's... not really the Acha way of doing things. I mean, traditionally we live in HUGE groups, more kin than you could ever imagine, and I felt like I needed that kind of structure in my life. But I... wasn't really getting it from my family. I left and found it here. I liked that this group was actually doing something, you know? A lot of Acha form groups that hold performance or beauty or something abstract and artsy as their core tenet. But I could never throw myself behind a cause I couldn't see." She smiled ruefully- she was pretty terrible at being an Acha. It had long been a point of friction between her and her mother and her elegant dancer brothers. "Working with these folks, though- everybody needs to eat. Food's a real thing, and that works for me."  

[So Long Gay Bowser]

"Sometimes, it's exciting... though the road gets lonely," Rose admitted, more to herself than to the stranger. Her children and Dawn were fond of traveling endlessly, no stretch of the murky marsh close to anything they'd call a home. The naive little girl in her still longed for a home of her own- a nest, a mate... somewhere nice to settle down and simply live the rest of her life in peace. Her mind drifted for a moment to Half Truth, and Rose sighed softly. Why was her mind so often going back to the doe?

As the other talked, Rose nodded along as she listened, appreciating the younger doe's honesty. It was a feeling she herself understood all too well. The acha part... perhaps not, but the sense of duty and loneliness, she did.

"My Dawn is a performer, actually. It's how he became the father of my children!" She laughed, thinking fondly back to their poetry contests. "But I understand. As much as I've taken to wandering... Someday soon, I wish to find a place to stay. Perhaps with my children, but I don't know if they'll want to be cooped up with their old mother." She could always have more, but...

"I'd never heard of such things with the acha. I must say, while it makes the mother in me sad for you to leave your family... I'm glad you've found yourself a home, and something that makes others happy. It's very noble of you, regardless of how it began."  

[Scaramouche Fandango]

"It kinda makes me sad, too- and I think it makes her sad." Defiant felt herself spilling everything to this stranger, the words tumbling like her lips like water bubbling over a swollen streambed. These were things she needed to talk about with somebody, and while it rankled her a little to admit them at all, it almost seemed better to do this with a stranger rather than with somebody she knew. After all, this would really be a damper on a good working relationship. "I know she wants me to come home- she says just for a visit- but at this point, I'm not sure if a visit would do any good. I'm nervous that she wouldn't understand why I couldn't stay there; I think she'd be upset and think I replaced the family. It's not like that, really- the kin here are good kin but we're business associates and friends. A lot of them are family, but they're not my family. But the little I've communicated with her about it hasn't been great. She'll send a courier out here to fetch me; I'll send him back with a message that I can't get away, that I have responsibilities. I wish..." she sighed, biting her lip and staring off into the distance, her eyes focused on something far, far away. "I wish she'd come out here and see what I'm doing. See why it's important to me. Then maybe she'd understand. But she doesn't want to leave home. So we're at an impasse." She shrugged. "If things were different- if she was different, if I was different- then maybe we could stay together. But all we did was butt heads, and I don't... I don't want things to get ruined between us any further."  

[So Long Gay Bowser]

Her soft blue eyes remained trained on the younger doe, free of judgment or disdain as the troubles she had been saving tumbled so freely from her tongue. Not long before, she had sobbed her heart out to Dawn's First Light of her own troubles... and on top of that, she was a mother. Who was she to pass judgment on a troubled soul, much like herself?

"If she's a good mother... and I guess by your concern for her there's at least a part of the two of you which loves each other... she cannot look down on you for the good you do. If my children were half so driven I'd miss them, but I would be endlessly proud."

Rose nodded along in sympathy at Defiant's desire for her mother to come see it. It was a far more reasonable desire for her to come out here than for Defiant to go home... Rose laughed softly to herself.

"Have you asked the courier to invite her out here? I think you're very much right, wanting her to come see this. I've been here not but a short time, and I'm wonderfully impressed. You're organized, thoughtful, compassionate..." Rose smiled at Defiant.

"Going home- and this is entirely from a mother's perspective- would invite the trouble of her begging you to stay. But as this is not her home, she'd see what you do... and eventually take leave. I know she doesn't wish to leave, but I've found lately that trouble can sometimes treat old does well."  

[Scaramouche Fandango]

Defiant looked down at her hooves, her cheeks warm and her nose flushing. "I think... I dunno. I mean, she tries, right? I feel like she's a good mother, but just not super good for me. But she's my mom and I- I need my space, but I don't want to lose her." Was she going to cry? No, no, not in front of a stranger. She blinked hard, willing herself to hold back the tears. "I've... told her couriers something like that. Less "invitation" and more "If she wants to talk so badly, she can come out here herself!" shouted in an angry huff. But that's not a real invitation, is it? I don't know how she'd react to a proper invitation... It would probably make more sense to go through one of my brothers. The two of us are both too much of ourselves, but if one of them asked her to do it..." She stared off into the middle distance, lost in thought. "Perhaps that's the answer. Send a message to one of my brothers and see what happens. I'm sure if I talked up the sweets, they'd come." She stopped abruptly and laughed. "This is probably not what you were expecting, is it? But- oh, I don't know. There's something about you. It made me feel safe telling you these problems- like you could actually help. I think... I think maybe it'll work out for us after all. Your kids were lucky to have you. They really were."

 

[So Long Gay Bowser]

She was not the world's most perceptive creature, but Roses in Bloom knew hurt when she saw it. Rising from her unsteady rest, she very cautiously moved, and in the gentlest manner, nestled the acha doe affectionately. Her own children had never faced such struggles- they were wandering, lighthearted souls like their father, without Rose's melancholy in their hearts. But Defiant... Defiant knew the struggles of being a sensitive soul, it seemed. Setting her head on Defiant's neck affectionately, Roses in Bloom crooned softly.

"I'm sorry, Defiant. I never meant to make you live out these struggles. Sometimes..." Rose sighed in thought, "sometimes the mothers we are... aren't what our children need. We may love as much as we can, but our children are souls not our own. While the mother in me wants you to reconcile with yours... I hope it means something to you that I think you're pretty great."

Stepping back, Rose regarded Defiant with a smile. "It doesn't seem a real invitation, know. I think, truly, you ought to invite her as kindly as possible. If she refuses, it's a reflection on her, not you. But it would at least be a step in the direction you want your relationship with her to go."

At the compliment to her nature, Rose flushed slightly, but still managed to smile through the embarrassment.

"That's very kind of you, Defiant. I like to think that... helping other kin is one of the most helpful things I can do. At the very least, it helps young girls like you from repeating my own mistakes!"  

[Scaramouche Fandango]

The hug, though unexpected, was entirely appreciated. Defiant squeezed her eyes shut and nestled into the older doe's embrace; reminded, for a moment, of what it was like to be very small. "I'm on my own now, but I'm done cutting them out of my life entirely. They're my family, and I miss them, and I want to see them. All of them. Especially my mom. It's taken me a while to see that- things are so insular here, but I can't hide myself in my work forever." The acha smiled, tiny tears standing in her eyes. "I really hope they'll come. I don't know if I'm really all that great, but I'm their family and they're mine and deep down... deep down I know we all really do love each other. Even if it's hard sometimes. And- you know, I find myself really wanting to tell them. I don't know how long it's been since I told my mother "I love you." I remember saying it a lot as a child... even though we have our differences, I think she needs to hear it. And I want to tell her. She's my mom, after all. Maybe with all the disagreement... maybe she just needs to be reminded that as much as I've changed, that certainly hasn't."  

[So Long Gay Bowser]

"It might be good for her to hear it, to put your bad blood behind you. If all your previous interactions have been colored badly, maybe she just needs to be reminded of how much you mean to her." She had not seen her first clutch in some time... but perhaps this stood true of them, as well. Dawn and the second kids were all too good at visiting and reminding her of her worth, but that was neither here nor there. The important thing was that Defiant had picked her path.

"If you don't mind, Defiant, I would like to come visit you again sometime," Rose added, pulling away and smiling tenderly at the doe. "To give you time to speak with your mother, and perhaps to bring my own children by." Without her being able to stop it, Rose snorted slightly in laughter.

"Perhaps a hard-working doe like you can convince my twins to stop careening around and flirting with everything they meet." MotherFather, if Defiant could get them a work ethic, it would be a blessing. Maybe she could even leave them here, to get kicked into shape...

"But for now, I ought to get out of your hair. I feel rather well rested, and refreshed from our conversation. Besides that, you have actual clients to take care of!"  

[Scaramouche Fandango]

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot." There was a sparkle in the acha's eye that hadn't been there before. "I'd like to meet your kids- I bet I'd like them. A lot. It was wonderful meeting you- you're a blessing, you know that? Safe travels!" she said, hugging the other doe once more before letting her leave. She returned to her post, but this time, her smile was real.