Quote:
Takes place the night of the Questions RP. Adam and Izaya have a conversation in one of the pokemon training rooms. Things don't go well. Starts mid conversation over Adam arguing that people do want Izaya on their team.
Sey:
Adam: I want you on my team. So don't say no one does. Dumby. Even Zach said you were more equiped to talking to Faleen. Don't put yourself down, baka.
Kitomyx
Iza: Again, just you doesn't count. And what Zachie-chan said doesn't really make sense.
Sey
Adam: You're right, that's more a partnership. However four of us were working together, so that IS a team. Half the time you want to be included on stuff, the other half you're acting put out when someone tries.
Adam: Also. -looks up on his dex- Team - TWO or more people working together. It starts at two.
Kitomyx
Iza: I already tried. They don't want me on a team with other rockets when I'm not one anymore.
Sey
Adam: -quiet for a good while, fingers messing with a rip in his pants. Finally speaks- Why exactly don't I count?
Kitomyx
Iza: Because you're messed up in the head.
Sey
Adam: -flinches- What?
Kitomyx
Iza: Obviously you're only devoted to me because I have you wrapped around my finger like the myriad of other teenage girls I did before I became a rocket.
Sey
Adam: -just stares at him, has no direct rebuttal- Good to know where I stand, I guess. -looks away-
Kitomyx
Iza: -frowns at him- you're the one who put yourself there. not my fault.
Sey
Adam: You're weirdly good at taking the blame you want and pushing the other stuff away, aren't you?
Kitomyx
Iza: eh? what blame?
Sey
Adam: ... Nothing. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of feeling like dirt. -looks at him- Not everything is about you, you realize that yet? -blows out- No. I'm not like one of your teenage flunkies. I choose to interact with you because I enjoy you, but I don't enjoy this. I don't enjoy getting looked down upon and spat on when all I'm doing is offering you a ******** hand up. You wanna know why I tried to get to Faleen so fast and quick? To figure out what was wrong with her? -takes a step closer- For /you/. I don't know her very well, but she's important to you and I can tell something was wrong. And I know it bothers you, even if you don't want it too. Also, maybe if you proved yourself useful and tried hard they would boost you up again. But some ********, who you never spoke to before, spurns you and suddenly not a soul in the world wants to help you or be around you. You're so ******** good at being a victim and the manipulator you don't stop and think that just maybe, just MAYBE someone out there can stomach your bullshit and actually enjoy you without being warped by you or wanting to get one over on you. -takes a step closer- Nothing I do matters. Nothing I will do matters. Nothing I have done matters. Because /I/ don't matter. Not as a human. Not as a friend. Not as some object to lust after. Nothing. I'm /dirt/.
Kitomyx
Izaya: -closes his eyes and crosses his arms- Well maybe the next time you try to help someone, you should ask yourself whether or not they want it first and maybe try minding your own business instead. -blinks and looks up as Adam steps closer- And why not as a human? that's what you are, aren't you?
Sey
Adam: No. I'm nothing. Did you not hear anything I just ******** said?
Kitomyx
Izaya: I heard it but i don't get it.
Sey
Adam: ... Some man, you never met, treats you badly and talks down at you. Somehow that wrecks you from ever wanting to work as a team and saying no one wants to work with you. But I'm here -points to his own chest- and have been trying to help you through this whole thing, but I don't count. Because I'm -uses air quotes- warped. Clearly, random stranger is more human than I am. Anyone is now, right? That's the category YOU'VE put me in through your actions and decisions.
Kitomyx
Izaya: See, this is why you're an idiot. It's not just him, you know. Also, being human has nothing to do with whether or not what you say affects me. -I- don't want to be on a team with -you- because I don't work well with you.
Sey
Adam: Yeah, I'm an idiot. An idiot that's dirt. Thanks for making that crystal clear. -turns to leave-
Kitomyx
Izaya: You have to be human to be an idiot.
Sey
Adam: Exceptions make the rule. -mutters darkly-
Kitomyx
Izaya: So you're going to let how I treat you define how you see yourself?
Sey
Adam: -stops at the door- Have you ever stopped and considered my feelings?
Adam: I mean REALLY stopped and thought about it?
Kitomyx
Izaya; what does that matter, what I think of your feelings/
Sey
Adam: Is that a no?
Kitomyx
Izaya; -stares at him impassively-
Sey
Adam: Answer me.
Kitomyx
Izaya: I've had a lot of time to consider them. I've been in the brig for a while. Have you considered that perhaps I just don't care?
Sey
Adam: Yeah. I have. I have a lot. -standing with his back to Izaya- I have two people in my life. A boyfriend that I care for, that I have no hope of ever having a normal relationship with. That, as much as I want to, is impossible. It's a relationship on a timer, even if I don't want to think about it like that. One day it'll be too much. I'll be too much. He'll find someone with more... everything. -takes in a shuddering breath and lets it out- Then there's you. Someone I enjoy being around, and talking to, and having fun with, but... You're so intent on putting walls up, and then crying that you're alone. Or that no one trusts you. Or that you're hurt. So I keep trying to figure out how to help you. I want to have fun and not be so ******** alone. -tearing up, crying quietly- Because I enjoy being around you. Not because you've manipulated me. I just... genuinely enjoy you. -quieter- But nothing I do matters. Nothing I do helps. Nothing I do... Nothing. Everyone around you has more influence on you. More weight to their words and actions. -hangs his head and laughs weakly- What's the point? There is none. You're so wrapped up in you, in being hurt and angry and whatever that.. It doesn't even phase you to stomp on me. But I know the moment I stop, I'll just become another person who abandoned you. -chokes out a laugh, rubbing his eyes- How ******** up is that? -wipes at his eyes- So yeah, Izaya, how you treat me does shape how I see myself, because after nearly a year of trying to claw myself up from the pit of my hell hole life, the only thing I have to show for it is a man whose heart I'll break eventually and some a*****e who can't stop being a victim to realize how ******** much he's hurt someone who has tried their damnest to be there in all situations. -yells at the door- What's the ******** POINT? -shudders as more tears come- I'm more alone now than I have ever been, because at least then I knew I was alone. But now it's this... this game of back and forth. -leans against the door, crying softly- It's killing me. No, you didn't ask for me help, but you needed help. But you asked for it in different ways. And nothing I have done has... Has gotten through to you. I've seen who you really are, I know it... So don't tell me I'm delusional. I know what I'm talking about and you know it too. -sinks to his knees, arms wrapped around his body- No one cares about what I think or feel. No one. Not you. Not Akira. Why was I ever born? I wish I never was.
Kitomyx
Izaya; This is why you're an idiot. Enjoy the time you have with your boyfriend instead of worrying when things will end. Maybe it won't. Worrying about it won't help anything. Then ask yourself why you enjoy being around someone who manipulates you. Ask yourself if you aren't a masochist. Ask yourself how much of what you think you know about me is simply what i've led you to believe or that you've assumed on your own without proof. Ask yourself if I -want- help or if maybe I do everything that I do and I am what I am for a reason. People don't influence me - I influence /them/. No one abandons me because I don't pretend that I need anyone there for me in the first place. I've never had that illusion, so don't worry about /that/. -glares- If I was all nice to you and was everything you wanted in a friend, you'd probably end up being miserable just the same because you'd worry about screwing up our friendship just like you're worried about screwing up your relationship with your boyfriend. I'm the one with the stable lifestyle, Adam. You're the one who wants to mess everything up instead of taking it as it is. I'm happy with the way things are while you can't even enjoy the good things you have. You tell /me/ what the point is.
Iza: How would you like Akira to hear those last lines you said, hmm? Because i'm betting he'll feel a lot like you do now. But unlike me, I'm thinking you actually -wanted- the help he tried to offer you.
Sey
Adam: -rests his head against the door, eyes closed as he listens to the words roll over him. Feels sick when he hears that question about Akira, stomach knotting up. Realizes suddenly what he needs to do, what he should have done to begin with. Stands up and wipes at his eyes- Sorry. I'm.. I'm sorry. -and heads out the door, heading to his room-