|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:00 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:15 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:16 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:18 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:39 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:26 pm
 |
|
|
|
Very good, I will need you to add those explanations to the weakness section (regarding the goof and family thing). The reason I was asking those questions is because the weaknesses needed to be explained so they could make sense. Otherwise you are asking people to take a guess at why these weaknesses are weaknesses.
Yes, C-PTSD can happen from a re-occurring harmful situation such as bullying, but when you mentioned this trauma the only reason you gave were his parents, you did not include bullying (at least not prior to your edit). Again, I ask these questions so that I can get a better explanation about how and why is this being added to his profile. In your biography you mention that Aislin was bullied, but that he had a very strong support system in his family that "it was hard to feel lonely". This makes me question why it is that he would develop PTSD when it seems like his family really helped him in feeling accepted. I agree that PTSD can develop from a traumatic experience such as seeing your parents getting shot, but like I mentioned in my review, you were not clear about whether Aislin saw his parents being shot or not. I'm sure you know that C-PTSD and PTSD are similar, but different. From your biography, it seems that while the bullying was present, it was not something that would have traumatize Aislin, but rather encouraged him to be a better person. This makes C-PTSD less believable and PTSD as more believable.
You're taking this review personally and I'm sorry that my words made you feel that way, but this is not about you. I ask these questions because it is part of my review so that I may better understand this character and see what needs to be edited or removed. This is a review and you are mistaken if you believe that this is anything more than a review. If you are not able to separate or distinguish between the two then we cannot continue.
When it comes to character creation, everything needs to have a meaning or a reason for why it is included as part of his or her profile. Aislin got PTSD from seeing parents die in front of him and as you have explained this has an effect on people and yes the Library would be a perfect quiet place that would not trigger him. Thanks to your explanation now everything comes together to fit very nicely with his story and weakness.
In this case PTSD greatly impacted Aislin and helped discover what he wanted to do for a living and I think that's amazing because this is exactly what makes good character creation. When all things can be connected and they make sense. I need you to add this explanation to your weaknesses as well as mention his PTSD in his biography so we can see that it did impact his life.
Also you have a small continuity error. In his weaknesses you mention that he is too trusting of people, but you just told me that he has a rough time opening to people. So which one is it? Is he too social and trusting? Or is he too guarded since he can't open up to people?
Actually Togekiss would need to be big all around. This is not a question of strength, but rather about whether it can be enjoyable to ride a Pokemon that is obviously too small. 6 feet is a tall person and Togekiss is less than 5 feet tall. In order for Aislin to ride his Togekiss, he would need to be in an uncomfortable position due to Togekiss being small. I have no doubts that Togekiss would be able to carry Aislin, its just that it would be weird to have him ride on its back. This is what I picture:
Its just a little bit weird xD
EDIT
I just read your conversation with Hope in the OOC. Aislin was discriminated for having PTSD? Where was this mentioned in the profile?
I'm getting confused about the importance of PTSD on his character. You only mentioned this illness as a very side comment and now you're focusing on it. If I ask that the PTSD is removed, how greatly would this impact his character? |
 |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Shadow of Miracles Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:57 pm
|
|
|
 |
Amaze and Astonish
Blow us all Away
Aislin Montero
-Multilingual Librarian-
“Por eso y muchas cosas mas, ven a mi casa esta navidad” Ash sung softly as he surveyed his home. Technically, Christmas for him had started on the fifteenth, as was the latin american tradition of posadas. Ordell academy however, had kept him for a few days past that. He had missed the inauguration ceremony-the feast that welcomed his family as well as others from their community officially into the spirit of the holiday. He had however made it home finally last night-after some goodbyes with people from both Ordell and Lamia ( he was surprised he had managed to make friends in the new region, but there it was), and a somewhat lengthy plane ride.
“Tio Aslin!”
“Quehubo quehubo quehubo, hey who’s happy to see me”
Ash went down on a knee to receive the three children who had thrown himself at him, Behind them, his ten year old brother and fifteen year old sister waited for him to be somewhat stable before joining into the pile, while his twin sister ( and mother of the triplets) smiled from the table.
“Mama dijo-she said you were gonna cook-”
“And that you’re gonna make your papas garitnadas”
“Gratinadas” Albino corrected their younger nephew but looked just as excited to see Ash-or the prospect of Ash’s cooking who could say really.
“Y que vos estabas tarde”
“Vos si estabas tarde”
“Pero que vos-”
“Ella said that you-”
“Said that you were coming today” Isadora, said cutting the triplets off as they competed for who got to finish the sentence.
Ash stood up with two of the triplets, balancing one of them on a hip and another one on his shoulders. Handing the third one off to Isadora while putting his arm around Albino.
“You know I could carry you too” he told the ten year old, who stuck his tongue at his older brother then squeaked when Ash did just that.
“Vos vas a caerte Ash” his sister said shaking her head
“ Che, yeah okay.” Ash said putting his niblings down before smirking at his twin sister.
“Go get your mamma. Winner gets to ride on Clara”
The triplets squealed and ran off.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Walking around Ash the city, Ash kept in his mind a tally of everything he would need for that night’s festivities-as well as ingredients for an attempt at that dulce de leche croissant he had tried back in lamia. The shop keeper had adamantly refused to hand out recipe, but Ash knew how to make croissants already and was optimistic that he could figure out.
And if not, well that was what they had fire alarms for.
On a whim he entered the boutique, running his hands along side the fabrics as equis sat digidently on his shoulders. He had some time before he had to start cooking, there was no shame in a detour.
“I should buy tia laura a perfume” he mused looking around “and a silver cross for Alain”
The entirety of the De Loup family would be coming for the clausura, and to spend the 24th for dinner and 25th for Christmas morning. Ash intended on having presents for all of them when they did.
He glanced at a watch, gold and shiny and big and wondered bemusedly if Nick would like it.
He had given his newest friend a Christmas card before leaving and an open invitation to spend some of the winter break in Kalos should he have no other plans. He wasn’t sure if Nick would take him up on it, but if he did…
Well it’d be a shame not to have a present ready.
○ Ｐ Ｏ Ｋ Ｅ Ｍ Ｏ Ｎ
► light screen
► reflect
► Thunder Wave
► Psychic
Pokemon: Lileep
Friendship Points:
Gender: Female
Level: 30
Nature: Calm
Ability: Storm Drain
Experience:
Move Set:
► Stealth Rock
► Giga Drain
► Ancient Power
► Toxic
Oh I'm sorry, am I talkin too loud?
Sometimes I get overexcited, shoot off at the mouth
I promise that I'll make you all proud
ooc: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 6:39 pm
|
|
|
|
Juubi this is the main problem with Aislin's profile. There was a big lack of details. You're saying that his PTSD is central to his character, but you barely mentioned or explained anything about it until I had to ask questions.
It's the same with everything that I asked you. When you're making a profile, it needs to be complete. You can't make things up afterwords because that is cheating especially when it comes to an adult character.
Students are a completely different matter because they are very young and they are developing their stories and personalities (the person you were at age 10 is not the same person you are at age 15 or 20, not always).
I'm not saying your character needs to be perfectly completed, but they need to get very close. You won't have the opportunity to be changing your character's story. I pay attention to all the conversations in the OOC. Everyone gets hype about an idea, emotions are running, and people rush off to do those ideas without considering the rules (sometimes). So I always pay attention because even if those discussions are "what ifs" they are very dangerous sometimes (they stress me out sometimes).
Also, it is not "a given", its need to be made perfectly clear so that no one has to wonder like I have. I much rather see a super ultimate long profile with all the details in the world than to see a profile that is lacking in details and its basically a guessing game.
Please double check everything one last time and then quote me when finished. This profile should be just about done, but I don't want to get surprises later on. Decide what you want to do with this character.
p.s. you left the height at 6''1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Shadow of Miracles Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 7:38 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2017 12:56 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
