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 Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:08 pm
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She'd been nervous ever since she told Atone that Bone was old enough to travel, perhaps on his own. Not because she was afraid of Atone's reaction, but...because, after some heavy wrestling with herself, she had come to terms with one simple fact: she did not want to leave Atone's side. She did not want their life together to end once Bone had moved on.
Her eyes cast to the other, and Snow's heart dipped and fluttered. So. It would seem she still had feelings for Atone. Well...crap.
She was unusually quiet as she tailed after the frowning doe, gently nudging Bone every now and again for something to do. Fear made her heart bounce like a frightened bird, but she would follow. She would always follow.
Bone, for his part, was young yet but still exceptionally aware of the plight of his parents in the way that colts could be. He couldn't possibly fathom the depths and intricacies of thoughts and emotions that hummed between them, but could tell something was amiss, and could do little more than nudge Snow-mom back. Trotting to catch up with his mother, he nudged Atone, too, looking up at her with curiosity and concern. "Why're you upset, mum?" |
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:21 pm
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"Upset?" Atone stills, then chuckles, her frown sliding away. "Just hoping our pet boar has been tending to things, little one. Sometimes they get a bit too interested in keeping gardens trimmed. I'd hate to have you both see the sanctuary only for it to be all torn up," she explains the pinch of her mouth away.
It's true. And it isn't.
She truly does want it to be in perfect condition and she really has no reason to doubt her--well, their now, she supposes--boar's work. The past hasn't left her to worry about the state of her garden before. And yet it feels as if it has been a lifetime.
The last time she'd been there she wasn't happy. Now that something like it--fragile and small as it may be--is growing, she's even more fearful that a misstep will trample it. A sorry garden could be it which would make it even more likely she'd have to come up with some grand design to properly apologize.
She's tried. Every so often, she turns to Snow and starts to speak. And then her throat dries up and her tongue goes numb. She's lost count of the various times she'd started to say, "I'm sorry," and ended up babbling about a bee or moth. Hell, only last night she'd sputtered about a feather on Snow's nose. She still wasn't over wishing the ground would swallow her whole.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:32 pm
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Bone squinted, but relented when Atone chuckled, smiling up at her sweetly. "That's okay, mom. If it is, we'll put it back together as a family. You wont have to do it alone." And he, in the way that colts did, found great interest in this idea and delightfully pranced ahead, pausing when he got too far ahead while the two moms caught up, and continued his merry gait.
For her part, Snow might have been able to say something - anything - to Atone once Bone had moved, but the whole 'family' and 'not being alone' thing seemed to tighten her throat to barely breathing. It was definitely worse than the time she'd ingested the bad mushrooms; if she died of that, it was her own fault, but to perish for being heartsick and alone...
Snow's ears drooped. She moved a little more up next to the doe and glanced to Atone just in time to see her look away, and wondered what million of things it could mean. Was she annoyed? Embarrassed? Why, she'd all but swallowed her own tongue the night before, and it wasn't until after that Snow realized she'd had a feather on her nose. She must have looked ridiculous, and she hadn't even been aware, she was so wrapped up in the other doe at the time!
If she didn't think it would have made things worse, she would have kicked herself. She looked over to Atone again, and the silence burned her to her lungs. "You came far from home," she finally settled on, and then very mentally did kick herself. She didn't want Atone to think of the days before -- before -- before this! Before -- !
Snow bit back a groan and stomped a little harder on a patch of snow than she'd meant to. Nerves were going to make her pelt jitter right off and run, with her helpless heart anchored to the doe at her side.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:47 pm
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"Of course, we will," she agreed as the colt said so easily what adults could not. He'd quickly and easily become her sunlight, a beam of hope and love that easily melted the coldness that had made her soul so desolate. And where Snow should have caused some cosmic shift--granted, she'd always foreseen herself losing it and giving into murder--it was harder to explain that. Where Bone was the sun, Snow was the sky itself and--gods, when did her thoughts become so goddamn sappy and make her want to vomit?
She needed a life. Or maybe a fu--the stone that dropped in her stomach banished that thought away. That was not the direction her mind was supposed to do in. She was supposed to think of some young buck, not Snow. And frankly it made her feel a little sick, knees weak and heart choked and--why was the swamp so blasted hot?
And, of course, the doe's words mingled wrongly with her brain and she about had a ******** heart attack.
Atone's jaw dropped, "I did no su--" words spilling out to deny such an accusation before the rest of the sentence made sense. She coughed, mouth shutting audibly before she bothered trying again.
"I did," she remedied, "come a ways. It was for a good reason and worth it. Little ones need more than a pretty home," she finished all the while hoping no one would ask what in the world she'd thought before...
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 9:09 pm
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Surprise made her near miss a step, and where she might have shirked from the outburst, she instead held her ground at Atone's side. The fear she felt was wholly internal. "Sorry, I...'
She didn't mean to imply that Atone had taken Bone a long ways in such a fragile condition, just that...she'd gone far to do what she needed to for him. Snow wasn't sure where the divide had been born in their understanding, but it could have been that she was just thinking too much into it. Into Atone. Into wanting to raise more of their family, to hunt with her, to say 'this is Atone, my --'
"Now he can appreciate it," she murmured back softly, taking some comfort that she had responded, at least. The voice that once struck fear down her spine now soothed her, grounded her more wild thoughts and tempers. "I'm sure he'll love it, especially because it's important to you."
Did she include herself in that? She didn't know. Hell, she still wasn't convinced that this wasn't a good bye. As she watched Bone frolic around, her heart ached in a way that had no words. There had to be something she could say that wouldn't put Atone off. Had to! Her ears lowered softly again, mind scrambling and running in circles only to come up blank and screaming. This is the time she'd go running to get some clarity, but the very last thing she wanted to do was lose sight of her family--
Aw, MotherFather. Snow sighed deeply. She was stuck in deep, wasn't she?
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:34 pm
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