[FIN][PRP][Yael] Hard to Swallow [Kaleth | Ko]

[MissMisnomer]

Hard to Swallow

After what had happened the night they had gone onto the rooftop with the other teenagers, there was a tenuous current of whispered energy running through the student body. Some of them had been caught, others had gotten away through other creative escape routes. However, in a startling show of comradery, no one blabbed about who was to blame for starting it all, or who was involved. And even if they had wanted to ― tempted with more lenient punishments if they provided a name ― no one was able to give a straight answer as to who had been the one to use magic against the professors.

If he hadn’t heard it straight from Kal’s mouth, Ko would not have believed that he was the one to attack a teacher. His memory of the night was patchy at best, and he had the vaguest recollection of doing something like that, but it still left his head whirling to think that he would do something so outrightly rebellious. At any moment he expected a professor to grab hold of his shoulder and rightfully drag him off to some unspeakably horrible fate.

But as a day passed without recourse, then two, it became clear that he and Kal were not going to be punished. They had come out of the whole situation unscathed. Well, aside from the nasty hangover Ko had nursed for half a day. And his hand was turning a gnarly shade of yellow from where he had bitten it so hard, making any dextrous activities more difficult.

Okay...so Kal was unscathed.

But other than that, yes, life was pretty much as it had been before. They went through training, completed assignments, and ate lunch together. Much as they were doing now in the far corner of the academy’s crowded mess hall, at the end of one of the long tables dotting the room.

“And that’s why I feel bad for moths; if they came out in the daytime instead of at night, people might actually see how cool they can be. And it’s not their fault that they like to munch on sweaters: I bet butterflies just think they’re too good to eat your stuff!” Ko said, pointing his tubor laden fork across the table at Kaleth.

Having finally closed his lengthy discourse on the reasons why moths get such an undeserved bad reputation, he returned to eating his long forgotten lunch. You probably were not supposed to eat roasted vegetables cold ― let alone meat for that matter ― but he had been far too engrossed in his stream of thought to wade out anytime soon. Sure, maybe it didn’t taste as good now, but it was still better than nothing, so Ko wasn’t going to complain. His ankles tapped the back of the chair as he swung his legs, happily munching on his tepid mouthful.

[1/10]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Kaleth might have said he was amazed that they’d gotten away with no reprimand, and it wouldn’t have been far from the truth. On the one hand, they weren’t the only ones who’d managed to escape clean. But looking back, Kaleth had to admit that they must have been among the most conspicuous. Thus, he supposed he could only thank the gods and the miracles drunken confusion wrought upon one’s perception of circumstances. And sheer luck, though Kaleth was somewhat convinced that plucky fortune was a star that hovered over Ko’s head, allowing him into mischief, but always shining just bright enough to spare him the worst results of any blunders he might stumble upon along the way.

As it often did when Ko spoke, Kaleth’s mind wandered, one ear listening to the boy twitter on, and the other turned inward to his own reflections. Despite being one of the alcohol bearers, he hadn’t actually had any contact again with Jakov or Wessel outside of the class they had together since that time. Not that it surprised him, since he hadn’t gone out of his way to make contact, but it did leave him to assume they’d been among the more fortunate escape artists as well.

He simply doubted Jakov would keep his mouth shut for no price if his own neck had been on the line.

But, instead of being called out, all continued to remain quiet, and now, several days later, Kaleth was satisfied that there were unlikely to be any repercussions sneaking around the corner in the future. And that’s why I feel bad for moths… Kaleth’s attention shifted from an ideal overview of the surrounding mess hall to focus back in on Ko, who sounded as though he was coming to the end of a session. He shifted his own utensil, food nearly finished on his own end.

“Maybe moths prefer not to be seen as much,” Kal said. “Perhaps they prefer being ‘cool’ to a smaller audience…”

He stretched back in his chair, prodding once at what remained of his food before taking a bite. Of course, he knew next to nothing about moths, but he had grown accustomed to Ko’s lunchtime — and all the time, for that matter — musings and winding monologues rife with enthusiasm for one subject or another, real or imagined. And, though he had never imagined prior that it would be the case, he found at times, he enjoyed it.

It was certainly better than being pestered by others during his mealtime inquiring about why he sat alone or attempting to persuade him to situate elsewhere with them. In that way, Ko acted as an odd sort of shield from the rest of his peers, though Kaleth did have to wonder if the boy wasn’t making any friends outside of himself on the social scene. Never was the curiosity great enough to ask. Ko would sit where he pleased, and that was enough for Kal.  

[MissMisnomer]

Looking up from his plateful, Ko nodded along as Kaleth made his observation, appreciating that though his opinion differed on the matter, it was still a totally plausible possibility. Ko wouldn't pretend to understand how moths thought, or any bugs for that matter: he'd tried to crack the code a few times, analyzing crawling patterns, looking for messages in spider webs.

But no results had come up conclusive yet, one way or the other. They were possibly too complex for his tiny little mind to comprehend. But that wouldn't stop him from always wondering anyways.

Once it was clear Kal had nothing else to say, he turned back to his food, taking up a fork full and munching on it. Then another. He glanced at a group of boys as they went by, cajoling and bantering loudly with each other. He recognized Wessel, making an excited little wave in his direction while he grinned. The other boy raised his eyebrows in recognition then looked over at Kaleth as well, eyes lingering there longer than a moment, before he was gone along with the rest of them.

Ko turned to look at Kal as their voices receded into the general din of the room, fork stalling where it rested on the table. He had noticed the boys going by as well. But as per usual, wasn't saying anything to acknowledge it. Kal hadn't said anything much at all so far. Aside from a comment here or there, he seemed to be quite busy in his own thoughts, eating his food in silence.

Biting the inside of his cheek, Ko poked at the pieces of vegetation on his plate, pushing them around a bit. Half heartedly nibbled on one. Glanced up again.

Kal remained occupied with finishing off the dregs on his own plate.

Tapping at the porcelain, Ko twirled the tines of his fork, making a quite scraping sound.

“Hey Kal,” he began, shifting in his seat. “I'm…not going to be here for a while. At lunch. Anymore. I've got…tutoring…starting tomorrow. So I'll be eating in class.”

[2/10]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Kaleth hadn’t specifically been looking for anyone.

When Wessel passed, however, his eyes found him and held there, trailing up from low to his face—only to find him looking, too. A half second passed and then, after an indecipherable look, Wes turned and was continuing on his way. Quite of their own accord, Kaleth’s eyes slipped back down, lingering on the other boy’s retreat longer than he was fully conscious of and only breaking away when the object of his attention disappeared from view. He tapped a finger to the table, and slouched a half inch in his chair as his gaze returned to Ko across from him.

…ssskkkkkrrrrrrrkkkkkrrrrr…

He pursed his lips.

“Ko- Don’t—” Skkkksssskkkkrrrrrk—Kaleth reached across the table in a quick motion, catching the top of Ko’s hand in his and stilling it, to quiet the scraping sound. Shutting his eyes, he released a breath. “If you could…not do that. I would appreciate it.” He released his grip, and sat back again, eyeing the other boy. “You feeling well?”  

[MissMisnomer]

With a little jump of surprise, Ko became aware of the hand on top of his, stopping the irritating sounds he had been making without realizing it. He set the fork aside guiltily, pushing it away ― far to the left ― out of his peripheral vision, and out of the reach of temptation. Instead, he put his hands down into his lap, nodding in response to Kal’s question.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why? Do I look sick?” Ko tried to remember what he had looked like when he had woken up this morning: hair all askew, a bit of dried drool on his cheek. There might have been darker circles under his eyes...maybe. But that was just because he’d been staying up later than normal, what with the new coursework he wasn’t used to. Magic had come to him later than others: he had some catching up to do. Which meant more time with his nose spent in a book than his wandering mind was accustomed to.

Studying was turning out to be a bit of a challenge.

But, he didn’t think he looked any worse than usual, not enough to cause concern anyways. “Do my eyes look weird? Sorry for the whole lantern situation: if the light is being a bother, I can just....read in the wardrobe? But I’d have to take all the clothes out and put them on the bed, and it would be tight in there, even for me…”

Not that he didn’t like small spaces, in fact, he’d have to try crawling in there sometime. It might be fun.

[3/10]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Kal grunted, and reached, folding his arms behind his head as his gaze meandered again to the side, back idly tracing the crowds. “No.”

‘You just look like you had something on your mind…’

But of course, didn’t he always?

There was never a quiet moment with Ko, as was further confirmed a moment later, when Ko delved off into his concerns about his eyes and night reading habits. It was often easiest just to let him go. Kal had become so accustomed, it didn’t bother him now even when he had no investment whatsoever in the subject matter. And Ko seemed perfectly happy to work with the scattered few things Kal did interject from time to time.

Consequently, Kaleth waved off the concerns.

“No.” ‘You don’t have to do that.’ “You might catch something on fire.” Ko attempting to work a lantern with a book in a confined space seemed like a recipe that could only result in trouble.  

[MissMisnomer]

Even as Kaleth answered him, dispelling Ko’s fears that something might actually be wrong with himself, without realizing it, Ko stil felt like the other boy wasn’t really answering him. Something about it just felt...empty. Like there was a piece missing. Ko couldn’t really figure out what exactly it was. Maybe it had something to do with how Kal’s eyes only ever stayed on Ko for a moment, and then wandered off again...

“Well. If you...don’t mind, then...I guess it’s okay? Let me know if it’s annoying you, alright? I can figure something else out instead. Sleep is a super important part of the day. Err...night. Cycle of time? Do we count the evening as part of our ‘day’? I don’t think so, but each night isn’t tallied separately on the calendar, so I guess it has to be included then? That’s kind of weird, I wonder who thought of that expression first? Since ‘daytime’ and ‘night-time’ are like, their own separate things, but we count them together when recording how our lives go forward, as just a ‘day’? But I guess that it would be hard to have days and nights be their own thing, especially when each gets longer or shorter in the winter, that would make the math really hard-”

Ko blinked, stalling in place. The fork was back in his hand, having chopped up a steamed carrot into mushy slices on his plate.

He’d been rambling again.

With a frustrated little puff of air through his nose, he set the utensil down on the stool next to him, pressing his palms firmly onto his knees as he set his mouth into a determined line of neutrality.

“But yeah, I suck at magic. So I’m going to be getting help with that now, at lunch. Don’t worry about saving a spot for me. You can sit wherever you want.”


[4/10]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Sometimes Kaleth did wonder where Ko came up with everything he ended up saying. Even when listening, one could get lost easily enough. Still, for all the long-windedness that preceded it-

Don’t worry about saving a spot for me.

-Kaleth did pick up on the last bit, and blinked, looking back to the other boy with a light furrow in his brow. “Oh? How often? And for how long?” He shifted his weight, tongue pressing to the back of his teeth as he contemplated lunch alone. He’d really started getting used to Ko’s company, and he didn’t particularly want to develop any new habits. Certainly none in the realm of ‘getting used to other people.’ “I’ll probably stick here, so when you finish you can come out and join me. You’ll have to eat at some point, so they can’t keep you the full period…”

And, the more the thought settled in his mind, the more Kaleth felt a nagging at the back of his mind, as though he were missing something critical—and obvious.

“I didn’t think you were that bad, either…didn’t you get to come here in the first place because you showed promise that impressed your parents? Maybe I can…” ‘…help you study sometime other than lunch?’ Kaleth didn’t have any talent for magic, and had never tried. He couldn’t hope to be much use, and even if he could, he had to admit: Ko was unlikely an especially easy pupil. “Well. With a little extra time in you won’t be held up long and you’ll be out here before you know it.”  

[MissMisnomer]

“Well, it’s gonna be...there is no real…” Ko shrugged his shoulders with a bit of a sigh. “That’s just the darndest thing about it, really: I do have to stay in the classroom the whole time. The whole lunch period. Teacher’s orders. He doesn’t want me getting distracted, because that happens a lot, really easily. So it’s full focus, 100%, just me and the tutor, and my food.”

His hands came up, motioning at his plate. “Our food.” More gestures followed. “Obviously. He’s gotta eat too. That would suck for him.”

“Soooo, yep. It’s…just a real bummer. Teach won’t let me off the hook until he says he sees real results. Which is just so....vague. But,” He patted his knees under the table, “it’s all about learning control over the darn thing. Magic is so weird, and I’ve been having a hard time making it work when I want it to. So, this should help. A lot.”

With a wave of his hand, he grinned in what he hoped was a genuine smile. “Don’t worry about it. It sucks, but I get where he’s coming from. So just...enjoy your food. Maybe go and sit with some of the guys from your combat class? That guy with the crooked nose...Harrak? He seemed to be into that takedown you used the other morning. I bet he’d like it if you two sparred, you should arrange that!”

[5/10]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Initially, Kaleth had no reason to disbelieve Ko, after all: Why would he lie?

Kaleth certainly hadn’t seen motive for it, so it hadn’t been on his scope of considerations—until, somehow, as Ko started to elaborate, suspicion bled in along the edges of his awareness, invisible red flags pulling themselves out of the conversation through the boy’s own over enthusiasm. He pursed his lips. His eyes narrowed with intent, and rapidly blooming skepticism.

“Uh huh…okay, well, I’ll walk you there then. Maybe if I ask, we can get a clearer answer on what kind of ‘results’ he wants to get you out of it. What teacher is this? And what class?” Kaleth didn’t want to think Ko would make up something to get away from him, but the moment the thought lodged itself in his head, any and all denial seemed only to make it stick itself more firmly. Maybe Ko was struggling. Maybe he did need tutelage. It wasn’t that hard to believe in and of itself.

But that smile — the creases in Kal’s brow deepened — there was something off in everything from Ko’s fidgeting to his words to that look. Like he wanted to flee, but had to make a show of happiness convincingly first.

“I don’t care about Harrak at the moment,” he grunted, fingers toying idly with the handle of his utensil before he withdrew his hand entirely. “Would you…” ‘…tell me if something important was bothering you?’ Why would he, though, Kaleth realized. Ko might have plenty to say most of the time, but he currently didn’t seem comfortable, and Kaleth had to wonder if he’d done something wrong. “If there’s anything I could help you out with I might, if you really need it…”  

[MissMisnomer]

Eyes widening, Ko leaned forward, shaking his head as he waved his hands emphatically. “NO! No no, it’s okay, don’t worry about it, you don’t need to help! This is all on me, I’m the screw-up, I’m the one who has to deal with this, not you!”

He sat back down in his seat, moving the bits of food that had gotten disturbed by his sudden movement back into their original spots on his plate. “I’ve been to this class for a couple weeks now, I know the way, I can make it there by myself. And if I forget, I have my map!” He stalled, halfway between rearranging the meat. “Well, actually, I don’t really know where that map is anymore...maybe I left it in my sock drawer? Or…wait...was that my reading list that I left in there? So then the map is probably....”

“It doesn’t matter!” Wiping his dirty fingers off onto his napkin, he smiled, a clear hint of desperation making its way into his tone. “I can get a new one! But I totally won’t need it anyways, I know how to get to class! You just ― enjoy your lunch without me! It’s fine, it’s no big deal, we see each other all the time in the room! Just...an extra hour without me...that’s all this is. It could be fun!”

He motioned over at Kal, biting his lip as he verbally backtracked. “But…for you...not me. I’m going to be stuck in class. Doing my tutoring. Which is going to be…so boring. You totally do not want to bother coming along, would be a major waste of your time. You should just enjoy your lunch. Here. With everyone else. Specially here, at this table. It’s...rather empty. But that could be fixed suuuper easily. By you. Not me, because I won’t be here. Sooo...one extra seat? Yay?”

[6/10]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Whatever further doubts Kaleth may have maintained were whisked away with the sound of Ko’s immediate over emphatic denial of him partaking in any way in this ‘journey’ of his. Kaleth’s lips pursed. His arms folded. His shoulders shifted back in his chair, and he was listening. But with every word it became more evident that Ko was not only not telling him the truth, but also wholly determined not to admit it and spinning himself in circles trying to avoid telling him whatever was actually going on.

He couldn’t go with him. He couldn’t be told the teacher’s name or the name of the class. He couldn’t be told where it actually was or what the criteria for it ending were.

And Ko seemed to be elaborating with whatever first popped into his mind to keep his tongue running. Kaleth scowled. “Fine. But if you didn’t want to sit with me anymore, you could just say so. I prefer that a hell of a lot more than whatever this is.”

Kaleth didn’t want to be irritated. It shouldn’t matter. He shouldn’t care if Ko wanted to be elsewhere, and maybe he didn’t—but the fact that he was so intent on lying about it made Kaleth feel jilted. Like someone making up terrible excuses to get out of an invitation. And perhaps worst of all, Kal simply didn’t understand why. He wasn’t exactly the warmest person to share space with, but he thought he had done a decent job of acclimating to Ko’s presence and he had thought the other boy enjoyed or at least didn’t mind being around him, either.

So this left him with a strange sensation of being unearthed and uncertain where he stood or where he’d gone wrong. But, as had become his reflexive reaction to such experiences: if Ko wanted to shut him out, he could meet it and raise him one. He didn’t need anyone’s company, and if Ko decided he did want to speak with him, he could start telling the truth.  

[MissMisnomer]

Things…were not progressing quite like Ko had imagined they would in his mind. Kaleth looked distinctly pissed off, why, Ko could not fathom. His lunch wasn't being affected by this change, why should he look so irritated? Ko thought he had made it very very clear that Kal didn't need to let it bother him. And yet, it very very clearly looked like Kal was bothered.

“NO, it's not like that at all!” Ko squeaked, twisting his fingers together anxiously. “I do still want to sit here with you, but I just can't. I'm not allowed to, because I'll…get in trouble. Why are you mad?”

“I'm not―” the words caught like an unsavory lump of old beef in his throat, half chewed and heavy with guilt. “I'm not lying. This isn't weird, this kind of thing happens all the time. Now it's just happening for me! But it's not going to affect you, so why…?” His foot tapped the floor beneath the table, trying to figure out where things had gone wrong. “I'm not lying….”

[7/10]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Kaleth had thought he was sure. He felt it, and it seemed so obvious-

But it was difficult to watch Ko squirm like that and be angry. He hated to be lied to. But Ko wasn’t a liar so far as Kaleth had seen so far. In his own world, certainly, and sometimes out of his mind, but not intentionally deceptive. And his thoughts were so scattered at times that it wasn’t far fetched to believe that his rendition of a true story could sound false by no fault of his own thanks to his natural speech patterns.

The first insistence of I’m not lying, resulted in a tight pang in Kaleth’s throat, reactive tension threading through the tendons in his fists because Yes you are… felt true. But by the time Ko repeated it, uncertainty cemented itself, and Kaleth couldn’t quite bolster enough conviction to stick by his immediate instinct. He would have to find out for himself later, but he wanted to believe Ko, and it was difficult not to give him the benefit of the doubt when he was so evidently distressed.

Kal released a breath, and a fraction of the tightness in his shoulders eased. “Alright. I’m not mad. I’m sorry. I just…” The itch of doubt nagged in the back of his mind, and he shook his head. “Good luck. I hope it helps.”  

[MissMisnomer]

Aside from the immediate relief that came with Kaleth’s visible change in temperament ― the negative energy growing a bit less menacing ― Ko felt a twinge of further discomfort as he watched his roommate shake his head. He'd gotten what he was aiming for: Kal was letting it go. But the weight of his dishonesty was sitting heavy in the pit of his stomach, more so than he had thought it would.

It wasn't like this was the first time Ko had ever lied to anyone before. Far from it: little white lies, especially the kind that were meant to protect people's feelings, were something he used quite freely.

But perhaps this one wasn't as white as he had thought it would be. It might be heading further into the realm of gray.

Maybe that was why he was starting to feel bad for saying anything at all.

But, hopefully, it would all be worth it in the end. He was doing this for a reason, which was what he reminded himself as he nodded, less nervous now that Kal had stepped back from the edge.

“I think it will, thanks. Hopefully he doesn't keep this up for too long, but who knows. It all really depends on how much I can improve. I'll try my best, anyways.”

He looked down to his food, but with how thick the air was right now, he was finding his appetite had disappeared. Ko pushed the stool back, picking up his dishes as he stepped away. “Well, I'm pretty much done here. I might as well go and…make sure I've got the room correct. So…bye?” He tipped his head, the word falling awkwardly off his tongue with a visible wince.

Even he could tell this conversation was a doozy. So really, the best course of action would be to leave before he made it any worse. Which is what he did, turning and walking off into the general din of the large room.

[8/10]