- Finally, peace.
Sun was surprised that the pair hadn't put up more of a struggle, maybe the idea of standing around doing nothing wasn't appealing to them. Or maybe they just hoped that they'd get their hands dirty; ironic, considering where they were headed.
Inhale. Exhale. The quick huff of air ribboned through parted maw. To those hopeful few she was going to hold up her end of the bargain, but not in this rundown dump. Eyes to the pane of glass housing the answer to a question she hadn't asked marked down from seventy-two hours on a timer ticking down each millisecond.
Just what was she suppose to do for three days?
Her exit stifled at the present as her thinning patience wouldn't last nearly as long. Stationary she remained, like a guard dog roaming the perimeter. Misguided faith split right down the middle, half went towards their return within the allotted time, password in hand hopefully by the end of the day. The other on them not returning at all, perhaps arrested for manslaughter or showing up empty handed; on the run. It was then that Sun started second guessing her decision to stay behind; as hot-tempered as she was she idol was still the responsible one.
Such was the lack of judgement after depriving oneself of proper Zzz's for the passed fifty-two hours; maybe longer now. Earthly substances and materials worked very little on her these days in terms of putting her out. All of them temporary fixes, often times they served as motivators for her alertness depending on what side that flip of the coin landed on.
Boredom sprang from machines stratified in curdled dust; ancient recreational boxes from the 1990s all busted with lifeless screens. Warm wheels strode her about the warehouse but just about everything in here was broken. Surely anything playable hadn't been on this floor; at least not anymore. Concupiscent emotion plagued her loins; a virile side-effect of her lethargy, hunger was the other, cocaine the third. It was hard to stifle. Years of constipated freedoms had left her with the overactive libido of a sixteen year old from the repression. Constantly confused and hormonal. It was almost painful.
Sun came to a halt when her eyes met with the darkened screen of an old Virtua Fighter 4 cabinet that leaned off axis against the wall. Its crevices caved with old 2000s grime and its once brilliant shades of blue, red, and yellow were now faded tints of their former glory. It was one of the few machines in there that were still in tact. She gawked listlessly as she was hit with a wave of nostalgia.
*****
The run down machine blinked its sign thrice before coming to life on the fourth. It's screen lit by the face of combating characters pixelated in glorious 128 bits, a flashing INSERT COINS notification hugged the southernmost rim.
Life suddenly filled the warehouse, neon rays lighting up the lair like Christmas lights. Machines hummed to life, the once barren concrete at her feet was now laden with space-patterned carpeting. The vacant area was filled with the cacophony of chatter and laughter; the whirring and dinging and clacking of countless games to create a submerging symphony of occupancy that filled her with warmth. She pivoted around, slits recognized the make and model of each game, including its placement as she'd been thrown back in time.
Umber moons peeled through the layers of scattered silhouettes to perch upon the sight of a younger self. Follicles of black and brunette fell neck length down just shy of her back. Her almost five foot frame clad in the colors of her high school's uniform. At either side were a pair of guys sporting the same colors, one closer to her height and the other towering over both of them. The tall one's hands were half-cupped over his mouth as he spat a masterfully hip-hop beat from his metal-filled mouth, eyes masked by messy black drapes. The shorter one filled the beat with lyrics, arrogantly brushing a hand through his own buzzed blondes when he felt that spat something cool. Once passed to the pale school girl she'd cup her hand around an air hockey paddle and rapped into it like a microphone.
***"남들이 뭔데 내가 눈치 봐야 해
결과와 대가 다 내가 받는데
그러니 난 내 맘대로 해
남 탓 할 시간에 난 내 목을 죄일래
그러니 걱정하는 척은 그만 됐어
니네 생각과는 다르게 난 준비돼있어
내가 안될 거라고 말하던
~들에겐 거 참 미안하게 됐어
찔리겠지 날 손가락질하던
그 손으로 이제는 내게 전활 거니
더는 시간낭비
하지마 너 아니어도내 폰은 이미 과부하
It’s all good like it post to be! Uhn!"
결과와 대가 다 내가 받는데
그러니 난 내 맘대로 해
남 탓 할 시간에 난 내 목을 죄일래
그러니 걱정하는 척은 그만 됐어
니네 생각과는 다르게 난 준비돼있어
내가 안될 거라고 말하던
~들에겐 거 참 미안하게 됐어
찔리겠지 날 손가락질하던
그 손으로 이제는 내게 전활 거니
더는 시간낭비
하지마 너 아니어도내 폰은 이미 과부하
It’s all good like it post to be! Uhn!"
Their cypher was cut short by the appearance of a fourth. Feminine fingers flicked through the stack a small bills taken from a number of victims who'd lost their money to the Queen of Cabinets. The trio flocked to the fair-skinned girl with their mouths agape, dumbfounded by how much she'd collected in just under an hour.
"(Holy crap, Min-min! How many guys did you hustle today?!)" Sun high-fived.
"(Pffft. Not a lot, just some rich kids from Gangnam who hadn't heard about me. This ain't even what I make on weekends!)"
"(Hm? Gangnam? What are they doing over here?)"
"(Neh? Beats me? They daddies are probably here to by up the real estate or something. But who gives a s**t? Let's go ladies, pizza's on me!)"
The group shared a good laugh as they peeled off into pairs but stayed in a knit square. One girl behind the other, the boys to their lefts. They'd talk amongst themselves as the clamor from the arcade became less abundant before it was overtaken entirely by the beeps and honks of the bustling streets of Bundang; Seongnam's prosperous south side. While the others were lost in conversation, Sun found herself lost in her own curious thoughts; her third-person perspective now a first-person experience. Her eyes were fixated on the in front of her, best friends since grade school and now she couldn't help but notice how much she'd been blossoming. Sleek, sexy, legs for days, the only misfitting part of her image was Jin-woo's lanky arm around her waist.
Repeatedly was her name called, repeatedly was that voice sent to voice mail until its muffled words pushed through and rang true in her ear. "Huh?!" She snapped to, crooked smile twisting into pursed lips as her eyes sauntered away from the flowing strands of orchid tresses up to Jung's buzzed head.
"(Dooon't you have practice today, Sun? Not that I'm worried or anything! Just sayin' isn't that more importa--)"
"(It's cool Jung, don't sweat it. I told Coach I was having period cramps, got a note and everything. It's aaaaall goooood. I'm just trying to vibe today.)" Sun gave her best hipster impression.
"(Yeah but aren't Nationals coming up? I heard some bigwig scouts for the Olympics are gonna be there.)"
"(Pssshht! You worried about me? D'aww, that's so cute. Tch! Like I'm worried, I'm like the fastest b***h on the team. I am going to sah-moke Nationals! What's one day?)"
The pleasant life washes adrift a sea of forgotten memories; healthy adolescents snuffed out before the spark of rebellion could even begin. A cushion at her back made of tufted velvet brushed the follicles of her nape as she lay. An woman in an ivory coat whose face was eclipsed by a clipboard sat upright in an office cheer adjacent to her. A question repeated, a questioned heard. "So tell me about your life at home as a teenager. What was it like for you?" A simple question that drew a blank from the idol; an uncomfortable shift in position as she searched her mind for the correct answer. In spite of her expansive vocabulary, only the most elementary of words could properly categorize the raw fear that made her tremble at night.
"Scary... Abusive. If you weren't on top then you weren't worth s**t."
Headspace blanked. Sun could hear her own uneven breaths. The beating of her hastened heart sounded louder than the muffled echoes of shattered glass and knocked over knickknacks. Her pleas, screams, and desperate excuses wouldn't reach her father. Scorned, traumatized, ridiculed. Thunderous strikes across her body left her accented with whelps and tender bruised skin. Her father's hand, while open, was entangled by the leathery hide of a belt; the steel bear buckled at its center reaping across her wet cheek. Its insignia imprinted her in red. And this on par in terms of her father's discipline; her mother was far less merciful.
Divine punishment all because Sun wanted to be free from her responsibilities for a day.
Mascara, concealer, a bandolier of tools all to mask her trauma to preserve the Paak name; to please the narcissistic shadows that bled from the egos of her guardians.
And then warmth. No more muffled words, only the stillness of her heart.
A caring hand pressed to the adolescent Sun's cheek, tender yet firm. That dainty thumb carefully swept away the tears that spilled down her cheek. Limbs shook nervously as her buckled knees found difficulty in keep her upright in Min's bathroom. The keeper kept the door locked for privacy, consoling her friend whilst applying both first aid and makeup to mask Sun's wounds. She nursed her, comforted her. Sun could only return the love and affection with a brush of the cheek into Min's welcoming palm and a sheepish smile that masked her missing incisor through closed lips; all the while staving off the befuddling feelings that made her heart flutter whenever Min was around her.
*****
Insomnia. Depression. Anxiety. They had ways of keeping you humble. A telltale sign that the velvet delinquent was fully crashing from her high? A heavy reality check in the form of vivid hallucinations of her abuse; and this was one of her more cherished ones.
Her palm calmly stroked her cheek without having realized it. It hadn't been wet but she could feel her tear ducts starting to swell; that mild stinging sensation forced her to clench her teeth and choke down her emotions. She mused bitterly heartbroken.
For a moment she stared at the blackened monitor of her trigger; seeing the grainy reflection of her tired face underneath the makeup. Sun could feel the bags under her eyes, wanting nothing more than to drop dead so she could finally get some rest. Her broken mental however, would never allow for such a luxury. As per usual Sun was going to have to force a comatose state.
Coke, d**k, heights, whatever gave her a high enough adrenaline rush that she'd pass out once it was all over. Sun was a junkie that desired sleep; she had finally hit that final state where natural instincts were kicking in to preserve the host body. Logic and a lack of shame was all she needed. So, she'd pry herself away from the dusty game cabinet, peering one last time to the only working machine in this dump that still ticked down from just under seventy hours. An uttered swear in Korean and a huff after a quick pat only to realize she'd run out of smokes had been the final straw for her.
Reaching into a hidden pocket within the inner lining of her jacket Sun whipped out the old burner phone that Gashi had given her several months back just in case s**t went down. Since then, Sun had taken a few liberties in the form of adding a few apps to it. One such app was Clamor™, the latest and greatest in terms of social communication. Group chats, private channels and rooms, a handy little .gif search feature; the works. And with a dummy account Sun was able to station the device on a still upright machine that faced the secret gaming apparatus. Using her own phone and video calling herself, the on-edge idol was able to keep tabs on the centralized machine to make sure nothing happened to it while she was gone.
The cold realization donned on her that she couldn't stay here alone lest this place pulled another one of her triggers.
Once set the weary, waning Sun begun her roll from the warehouse in desperate search for something rousing enough that could provide her with the crash she needed.
QUOTES
Noble Negative J3T
Deecee Sama
Jubellation
ya boi raz
T/L NOTES
***Who cares about others? Why do I have to be careful?
I’m the one who gets the results and the compensation
So I’ll do what I want
Instead of blaming others, I’ll tighten my own neck
So stop pretending like you’re worried
It’s different from what you think, I’m ready
Sorry to all the bitches
who said I’d fail
All those who judged me probably feel guilty
Cuz now they’ll start calling me
Don’t waste any more time
Cuz my phone is already blowing up
It’s all good like it post to be! Uhn!
I’m the one who gets the results and the compensation
So I’ll do what I want
Instead of blaming others, I’ll tighten my own neck
So stop pretending like you’re worried
It’s different from what you think, I’m ready
Sorry to all the bitches
who said I’d fail
All those who judged me probably feel guilty
Cuz now they’ll start calling me
Don’t waste any more time
Cuz my phone is already blowing up
It’s all good like it post to be! Uhn!