i live in a bottle

[xXxPansyxXx]

I can't help it, i keep all of my emotions bottled up inside until im alone.
i cant say the what i want to, i cant show people what i want to show them

but i feel better when im with my sister or with one of my two friends kelly or tory.

but i cant tell a single one of them who i like, i think mostly because they all used to like him too, even though my sister and kelly are two years older then him... tory's older sister, same age as kelly and samm (my sister), dated him.....

well i dont really need anyone to comment but if you want to go ahead, i just needed to get it out of my system.
it helps with this bottle problem of mine.

just posting my problems here helps me be happier and giddier around my friends like i used to be... finally.... i wanna go back to normal and just not liek him again, i think im just going to tell myself so many times 'i dont like him' and maybe eventually i will convince myself i dont....  

[fullmeatgirl]

I know how you feel my friends think that I'm always happy,but I have thoughts of suicide  

[xXxPansyxXx]

well supposedly, suicidal thoughts could be as simple as thinking how would people reacted if i killed myself, or what would be the least pianful way to kill myself , or even would this certain person care... so yes i do have them. somep peoples are worse then other.... mine get pretty bad sometimes...  

[bleeding unicorn]

well i know what you mean.i kinda seclude myself from family & close the door & sit on the comp.i dont open up to them anymore.also i understand the crush thing.i liked a guy that all my friends told me they liked but i never told them.it killed me at first but i knew i had to forget him because i knew he didnt like me more then a friend.it was hard but im all better now(except for the comp addicted thing)  

[xXxPansyxXx]

there is nothing wrong with being addicted to your computer... i am and probably always will be  

[its_gud_2_b_a_tomboy]

Wow. Me too. Whenever I get depressed I lock myself in my room and phase out. My parents haven't even noticed I get that way. I never talk to them though, so it's not their fault. I have no one to talk to about it. I have books I write in to try and get rid of my depressedness, except it's sort of like concentrated depression. Once, mum tried to talk to me about it and I tried but I couldn't. I had the words in my head, they just wouldn't come out properly. My problems haven't extended to guys yet though. So yeah, my parents and most of my friends all think I'm uber happy, but it's safe to say i'm not.  

[xXxPansyxXx]

im a happy person quite a bit, but most of the time im in this neutral state. im not really happy not really angry, mostly leaning towards sad, but im not really sad... it a neutral mood, alot of the time i dont have feelings showing on the outside, but ill just sit there and think with all kinds of emotions on the inside.... i dont really know how to explain it... but i usuall only go in that state when something is wrong...

the only person who knows something is wrong is my good friend tory... she always asks me whats wrong but of course even though i want to tell her i dont know how so i usually just tell her im tired... but sometimes i tell her whats wrong... when i know what i wanna say