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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 2:31 am
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It was raining...Though, probably, such circumscription wouldn't be good enough. It was pouring. Along partially sunken streets, in a fast pace, was walking a young man. His clothes were completely bedraggled, his hair was sticking to his face and neck, but he didn't pay attention to that. Upon his good-looking face one could see extreme restlessness, anger...and mutiny. He was walking along as if wanting to run away from something. "Damn you,damn you all", he was murmuring to himself, not caring that few people were turning around to watch him as he walked by. At last he reached the destination of his wandering through the city drowning in the rain; the train station. He was going to leave this place once and for all,never come back again, begin a new life. In the station's door he turned once again to face the city. "Just you wait, I'll show you...", he hissed, then left, parting passer-bys and paying no attention to their resentment.
The story inspired by a song by a Japanese band, Schwarz Stein(now disbanded), titled "Beautiful the Virgin", hence the title of the story. Feedback of any kind is more than welcome, as always. heart
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 11:49 am
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:27 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:33 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 2:33 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 2:46 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:31 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:45 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 10:31 pm
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I thought it was great, there were just two things that bugged me.
About the first line, it didn't flow too well...if you want to rephrase as part of the story, like you did, it probably shouldn't be just that cliched line...I think it needs something else, or just scratch the "raining cats and dogs" part altogether.
And passers-by is used a little too often (yes, twice is too much sometimes.) In some cases, it's okay, but it doesn't go well here.
But all-in-all, it was fantastic...I'm sorry, if I was in a better mood I would have endless praise and no comments at all...
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Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 4:09 am
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