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XXX Zombie Porn Vice Captain
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 Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 2:02 pm
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I've got this problem with my Dad.
He hates me and I hate him.
We don't talk, only yell at each other.
He puts me down so much that I wish i was dead when he does.
In my diary it says, 'I wish I was dead' and the like 12 times and I've only had it since June and it doesn't get updated everyday. It only says that when I talk about my Dad. I only seem to think that when there's been a fight or he's hit me again. I seem to forget about it when I'm not home or I'm at my boyfriend's for the weekend, then I get to the top of my road and just want to run or I start to wonder what I'll eb blamed for now.
I'll admit it, I'm not the best behaved girl ever but I do try and when I do it goes unnoticed by him, I only get 'well, you could have done better' or 'Why are you telling me I don't care, now ******** off.'.
He's led me to believe since I can remember that my mother's the only one in the whole family that likes/loves me.
I'm not going to kill myself. I don't believe in suicide. I have cut several time; arms, wrists, legs. I do try and stop but sometimes the stress buildds up so badly. I have gotten better lately, if I do cut I do it so it hurts and doesn't bleed. I suppose I'm quitting cutting gradually. Gradually meaning I used to cut so deep I should have had stitches but refused to.
I don't really know why I am writing this, maybe because there was a fight before and I just want to let it out. Maybe because the pressure of everything's building up so much that I just feel so down I can barely face school tomorrow and being yelled at there too. Maybe because I miss my boyfriend so much. It seems that my mum and him are the only people that I actually need at the moment since my 'best' friends don't seem to want to know and everyone just keeps stabbing each other in the back and become hypocrites.
I love Dave so much that I know I want to spend theest of my life with him. He's not like everybody else. I'd do anything for him. I hate being an hour by train away. It's not that far and hasn't been as long as some relationships but it means the world to me. I honestly think that if he had never come along I would not still be here. I would have done something stupid. Like the night I was extremely drunk at Emily's party and tried to cut down my vein after some IDIOT had teh bright idea to give the girl who was on anti-depressants that weren't working a brand new razor blade and then let her friend pull it off her.
Sorry, I've bored you all now but I had to tell someone and seeing as I don't know anyone, except one person, on here in real life, I'd put it here because then noone can go tell everybody else.
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 3:57 pm
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 12:40 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 7:25 pm
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