The eyes

[shortstoriestragicendings]

My first story, I don't know if I'm any good at telling them. This story has been playing over in my head all day. So please tell me what you think

The eyes

She opened the door and pulled herself up onto the seat of the explorer. Glancing over at the boy taking her home, she met his blue eyes and smiled. The recent events of the last weeks had put her there; her smile disappeared as she thought over them her mistake, the fighting, the yelling, the band. She needed a saint, she was falling and no one was there to catch her. She thought of the boy next to her, the first time they met, a high school battle of the bands. The first time she met his sad, blue eyes. They drew her to him, but someone already had her heart. The next time she saw him was at her best friends band practice. Again, his eyes caught her mixing her emotions, but both their hearts were taken. They became friends, her devoting her time to the band. Her loved one started to lose his grip on her heart. Eventually, he lost it completely. Her mistake was kissing another, a mistake because she hurt her love and her friend. Would she fall for someone and keep his heart? The blue-eyed boy shifted the radio station breaking her concentration. She glanced over at him believing he’d never be hers. She thought he’d undertake the role of a brother-like figure like every guy who seemed to cross her path. She caught a glimpse of her companion’s eyes, closed her own, and decided to see where life takes her.  

[[ In Nomine Satanas ]]

shortstoriestragicendings

My first story, I don't know if I'm any good at telling them. This story has been playing over in my head all day. So please tell me what you think

The eyes

She opened the door and pulled herself up onto the seat of the explorer. Glancing over at the boy taking her home, she met his blue eyes and smiled. The recent events of the last weeks had put her there; her smile disappeared as she thought over them her mistake, the fighting, the yelling, the band. She needed a saint, she was falling and no one was there to catch her. She thought of the boy next to her, the first time they met, a high school battle of the bands. The first time she met his sad, blue eyes. They drew her to him, but someone already had her heart. The next time she saw him was at her best friends band practice. Again, his eyes caught her mixing her emotions, but both their hearts were taken. They became friends, her devoting her time to the band. Her loved one started to lose his grip on her heart. Eventually, he lost it completely. Her mistake was kissing another, a mistake because she hurt her love and her friend. Would she fall for someone and keep his heart? The blue-eyed boy shifted the radio station breaking her concentration. She glanced over at him believing he’d never be hers. She thought he’d undertake the role of a brother-like figure like every guy who seemed to cross her path. She caught a glimpse of her companion’s eyes, closed her own, and decided to see where life takes her.

Very good, didn't notice any real mistakes, just remember to capitalize the title. I know how you felt, well I think I do. I'm sorry.  

[Kentsui]

I enjoyed it immencely. Keep writing and try putting more detail in.  

[shortstoriestragicendings]

^_^ thanks for the advice  

[KirbyVictorious]

Loved your story, O Pantless One  

[shortstoriestragicendings]

Thanks Kirby
I like to run around in my underoos  

[KirbyVictorious]

O.o