Sing a song of sixpence

[Rellik San]

I thought I'd try my hand at writing another song, though I usually fail badly. By the way, all this isn't planed I'll be working off of improv, so it may be raw.

The fires in me
The thunder rawrs
The sky is fractured
But my soul is free

The endless night come
The dreams all die
The nightmares arise
my heart tells me to run

Into striking swords, my body burns
Into the desert, My blood churns

All I want to know
Is to know the answer

Your eyes flash bright
Your hands move quick
Your blade draws my blood
In a shower of light

My head is hurting
My torso aches
My limbs feel like ice
But my battles just starting

Into striking swords, my body burns
Into the desert, My blood churns

All I want to know
Is to know your answer.




Like I said its pretty raw, though if anyone can actually work out what its about, I'll be impressed.  

[Gambino Statue]

As much as I love you, and as good as I think this song is, and I genuinely do like it..
After repeatedly counting the sylables in each line several times, my obsessive compulsive disorder is forcing me to tell you that you need to fix the rhythm in a few lines.

Other than that. I enjoyed reading it.  

[Rellik San]

Hey, I said it was gonna be raw, because I had to ad lib it all in about 5 minutes, I wasn't expecting everyone to be in love with it instantly. smile

Like a painting, it takes time and experimentation, plus I have a tune for it in my head, I might even record it one day. once the lyrics are down. So I'd rather you tell me whats wrong so I can fix it.