friendship troubles

[rikaLeshay]

i've been friends with ashley for 7-8 years,for a long time i've thought of her as my best friend but since the last year or so it's changed.Like if she thinks something's funny i won't and all she does is talk about stupid stuff.last week some guy on our bus was taking his trash out and the trash can was full so he set it beside the trash can.ashley says,''i think that's enough trash.'' and she keeps on laughing and saying that.finally she shut up about it(me in my head:thank you god if there is one!) but when we got to school she started up again.i couldn't listen so i went into the gym.with some other friends. and it always seems like she's putting me or someone else dumb,i'll say something and she goes "ya think?!" or she's talking about some girl who she thinks is a slut.she calls my friend amy that,get this amy is her friend too!, or people she doesn't even know.trust me amy is a little perverted but not a slut. and today i was talking to becca and sean(fellow office aides) and sean said that he never liked ashley because she was annoying and becca called ashley 'her bully' when she was younger.i sat there nodding because what they were saying was true.
. for the past week she's been thinking that something's wrong when i don't talk to her.there's not a problem,i just don't feel like talking,i'm pretty quiet.this morning she asked me and i said,''nothing is wrong!" and i said it real huffy like,raising my voice.then i went into the bathroom because i was pissed at her,locked my self in the stall and started kicking the wall{hence my new signature}(this actually helped me calm down,i stayed in there until the bell rang) and today this was our conversation:

ashley*comes down hall to my locker,her's is beside it* why didn't you say hi to me today? (and her voice is just whiney like.)

me:hi *mumbles due to the fact my head is in the locker(i'm putting away my backpack it's bottom locker)*

her:yopu didn't say hi to me

me: i just did!

her:not this morning

me:whatever*starts to walk off,feeling pissed*

her:why aren't you talking to me.is it monthly problems?

god,that really pissed me off. lately i've been wanting someone to talk to so why not talk to her?she's the problem so i should tell her right?try to fix things? i might but i can't do that,i've never been able to confide in her,when an old friend told her about this crush i had i asked ashley not to tell(trust me it was a hopeless liking or i would have told him) but she did when i talked to her about it her excuse was:you gave me a challenge"
and the other day i had to tell someone about my family thinking i have any eating disorder or something,i was just dying to so i wouldn't keep it in and i told virginia(she's a great friend) and jerrica,not ashley.
maybe i shouldn't hold grudges about things that happened in january or even things that happened a few weeks ago- but i can't forget about that. maybe i'm the problem for just not opening up (i could never talk to a person i know about anything i swear one day some stranger somewhere is going to have the pleasure of hearing my life story) or maybe she's the problem.i don't know.i'm probably the problem but this feels good to write down. to just get it all out i guess^^

last year i felt this way too.for a few months i actually didn't see or talk to her and i hung out with some other people.but then we started talking to each other and became friends again. but this time part of me really wants to just leave her behind or something,just to get out of this "friendship" but another part thinks maybe this is just a sort of phase i'm going through and it'll get better but then the other side reminds me of a year ago so i'm really confused.



and i do feel like this is kind of like secrets don't make friends by fftl or take back and the first couple of lines in reject by green day(i find a song to go with everything rolleyes )  

[Gambino Statue]

If the friendship is that stressful, it's not worth it.  

[rikaLeshay]

i haven't talked to her but i've sat on the bus with her. I CAN'T STAND IT. ashley is just too annoying-i might be horrible for saying that but it's the truth.i'm taking it anymore,i'm sitting somewere else on monday.

at least i know i'm not a physco path hating her i know other people get annoyed by her too.  

[EllieRegret]

I had friendship problems too. I found out my best friend was bi and she was only my friend because she loved me. I dropped her as a friend. If the friendship is that wack, then leave her behind. I wouldnt want to hang with someone who talk smack about ppl.  

[rikaLeshay]

*dances in my mind*

i haven't talked to her and i've been hanging out with other friends and i feel great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's like i'm free now.

the other day i heard her say somebody was a whore on the bus and i know this person a little,from classes and i don't think she's a whore i swear she'll call anybody who wears a skirt at or above the knees a whore.which makes me wonder if i wore skirts would she think i'm a whore?i wouldn't care but still there's just the judging someone before you get to know them thing.

but anyway things have definetly improved