Is this poetry any good?

[hospitalflowers]

It's pretty shitty in my opinion....... but my friends say it's good, but still, I think they're lying....


Poem 1

The world is dying,
Dying dying dying.
No one can save us now.
Save us, save us.
The world is dieing,
And nothing can prevent it.
Can't you see?
Nothing can stop death.
Death has consumed fate,
And fate has consumed us.
We're dying you see?
Dying dying dying.

Poem 2

You tried to tell me no,
But I just wouldn't listen.
I was too caught up,
In all the lies.
To even pay attention.
But if I had,
Maybe I would still be with you.
And not rotting in this coffin

 

[e x m o t i o n a l]

I'm not going to say it's bad, because that's mean and it isn't altogether true, but the first one... while it would probably make great lyrics for a song, as poetry it doesn't have a lot of... substance. I like the second one. Perhaps you should consider writing song lyrics. It's a lot of work, but it can be a lot more gratifying. Something about getting up in front of a crowd and being able to say "I wrote this song" makes you feel so strong. reading a poem just can't do that.

keep it up


"you're right, it's true, it was a lie,
when i said i didnt want to die,
it's getting late, and im still crying,
and im about to gain my wings"

 

[Hikaru Akumu]

Truth or Lies? Which do you want?

Truth duh.

Anywhos My comments:

Poems are usually ment to feel something, or at least in my opinion.

In your rather...Short...Poems..okay to be blunt, Incredibally Short Poems

They seem more like phrases or sentences even if they are put into stanzas.

I'm attempting to give you Constructive Critisism.

1.] Try making it longer perhaps.
2.] Make it so the reader feels something other than just reading words.
3.] re-read it over and over and think of ways to fix it.

If you ever need help, Just messege me. Flame me for this post if you want.

I'm just saying my thoughts.  

[hospitalflowers]

Okay........ thank you......... anymore comments on these?