Death Scene: Help Needed

[Renton Noah]

[.Disposable Dweeb.]

All in all, I think it was a good story... But it may require a bit more, an introduction, I found it difficult to keep track of characters. A bit of grammar work wouldnt hurt either... Either way, I liked the plot, and all in all enjoyed it for the most part.

Well it was a late chapter with many of the character already had develop and my writing is what I ask you to help me with  

[KirbyVictorious]

Fusi-No-Hasi

KirbyVictorious

Call me Kirby wink and no problem.

ooh, new addition. Intriguing.

And PS, I didn't think Yarilo was the villian. Hrm.

I spot several conjujation and comma errors and such, but I can't edit now. Want me to later?

Hey if you could edited it would be great. And what makes you think Yarilo is not the villian?

Nothing really said he was to begin with, so I assumed. And the other dude, whatsisname, seemed eviler. Dunno why.

Can't edit. Groundedville. Grr.

Maybe verrrrrrrrry late ninja  

[Oukow]

I really enjoyed, and like how Voxx said it's not lacking emotion.

As you probably know from what others have said, there are some mistakes.

But it's still good. Hope to read more about Victor and all of your other characters. 3nodding