The Fall of Eros (Help wanted)

[Renton Noah]

The song of sorrow, played by a dead man's harp, nearly woke all the passengers of the old gondola. Its passengers, clearly aware now of their faith, what awaited them was more terrifying than any sorcery could have conjured at the time, that their hearts pounded at the rhythmic life. In multiple occasions thier souls were summoned and their hearts tried to be steered in the right direction. yet it seemed its sounds were faintly heard by the deceased monarch.

“I life wasted on swordsmanship, semblance and sagacious life style…all for nothing!”
Heart-dissolving melody had however effected several other passengers of the gondola. A nearly cheerful handsomest couple, were throwing sympathetic smiles, ignoring the preternatural horror that awaiting them. Across from them a melancholic mercenary, sat agonizing, torturing himself over some great crimes, too horrible to be entirely concealed, he irreparably became a bugbear. A sinister symbol was drawn in his flesh, revealing his once mortal nature.

Monarch heart was impenetrable both in life an it’s now eternal after life, yet the Death personal musician had being a young resolute prince of music upon his life, too the great dislike of the monarch. They were of equal roots, both stubborn even after there body’s had being consumed and rooted away.

But even the musician, who’s hands touch the very harp of heavens, one who brought them the celestial light, felted the dreaded hand of corruption and self-guilt, invading his mind.

“I’m without words, the melody that you have conjure for us…broken and sadden soul, has being of excellent taste. But I advice you, to tent to wounds of your heart.” The musician observed the gondola, only to find a sad smile gleaming faintly from an aristocratic figure. Musician wrapped in silent meditation.

Obscurity of both figures puzzled all those riding the gondola, dead monarch, aristocratic shadowy figure.

“Do you believe that somewhere in this river of iniquity, hides our hope?” Monarch’s words, had brought there tenebrous acquaintance to a sudden abrupt stop.

“How strange,” said the aristocratic figure. “That a simple, river, would cause so much distant between us.”
At its conclusion, aristocratic figure revealed nearly himself, a young black-hair Lord.
“As a reminder of the blood that runs through both of our veins, Father said to protect each other,”
Monarch had shrunken, his face was cover by deep shadow, not of light, but of the heart.

“I fail to keep Father’s oath, to save you my brother. Forgiveness is useless now.”
Shadowy figure enclosed the Monarch in his arms.

“Thanatos, there is no darkness that forgiveness can clear,”
Thanatos’ brother spoke with patron saint speeches. An action which infuriated Thanatos.

“How could you say that Mozenrath, nearly and hour ago who would had hack my body into pieces. If it wasn’t because we are both dead, on gondola in the river Styx!”
Thanatos swigged at his older brother, only for the hit to by intersected tenebrous acquaintance, Charon.

“We are reach our destination.”
Charon a powerful figure in the shape of a men accompany the couple, who smile. Following there steps came the melancholic mercenary, in came the musician.

And finally the brothers, who were greeted by a powerful figure.
“I would say welcome but no one really would like to by welcome to the underworld. I’m King Sisyphus. And you two are?”

Thanatos process to escape the gondola, ignoring his brother and King Sisyphus greetings.

Sisyphus hastily griped Thanatos arm.  

[Renton Noah]

“Is guy like you, that normally go first, I seen them all, men, women and even demons. All gone, just because we are dead doesn’t mean we don’t feel pain. The underworld as you see right now is more deep.”
Thanatos release himself from Sisyphus grasp, but so much was his force then he nearly flung himself down. Before landing Thanatos was able to graph hold of an item.

“Surly you have not commit this unspeakable atrocity in purpose.” Thanatos hand accidentally touch the spear of a glamorous Roman solider, he seem very energetic and nearly radiant. His armor still carry there elegance, his shield a mirror.

“No other then Thanatos Krizalid of the House of Thanos!” Thanatos rose his chest, it was now visible that he was far greater then his brother. His hands were powerful enough that he could break a man neck. His long brown hair carry by the winds of the underworld, make him seem as a golem of the death.

“One who has face the son of God, is not trail by any who adores his mortal flesh with armor. For the lance of Longinus, kills human and gods among.” Longinus delicately moved his spear to by at Thanatos’ neck.

“Gentlemen, and you Longinus what do you think you are doing? We are all dead, an we are going to be seen each other for a couple more docent centuries.”
A poetic attractive men was summon by Mozenrath, had come to aid him. Well Mozenrath did all the watching.  

[Renton Noah]

“Plus we are dead, an cutting each other heads only brings pain. An let me, tell you is no pleasant thing to by dead and the pain the keep going. I had enough of that when I was alive.”
The dead poet slowly advanced toward Longinus, driving away the warrior from the battlefield.

“Thanatos, what do you think you are doing? I need to summon Virgil, it that would had fail. Who knows what would had happen.”
But Thanatos was not focus on Mozenrath speeches.

“Mozenrath, I believe that you said your soul was taken Baal Adramelch?” Thanatos eyes were fallowing Virgil and Longinus, who walked down a deselect stairs.

“No, I made a pact to return to Baal Adramelch with souls, if she allow me to return to the living world. In my fit of rage, I happen to come across you…and you brought you, brother.”
Mozenrath nearly felt to his on sorrow.

“The past is in the past, plus like Virgil said. We are dead, you can’t release fix it….or can you?”
Thanatos ran to the stairs, there seem to have being a guardian once, maybe a beast. But he was now long gone.

Walking down the stairs, Thanatos began to understand the power of death. No more fatigue, hunger, lost of blood or even crucial organs was of no harm. This was the power that as a human Thanatos had being forbidden to wield, the power to conquer. There only exist a small portion of weakness.

“Emotions, fear, sorrow, mercy…ludicrous why should I be bound to emotions. I may to serve them for eternity!”

“Nothing I can’t help, a man devoted to power as yourself. Would make a fine, herald.”
A voice of wisdom ringed within the empty spiral stairs.

To Thanatos amusement, the unknown speaker, had the where about of him and even seem to identified him. He was unable to see anything out the ordinary, but his stomach give him several kicks, as if telling him to run. His eyes looked back in for searching for any sights of life. Unable to find anything to ease his mind, he proceeded forward.  

[Renton Noah]

Could anyone please come, I just need some editing sad  

[Spastic waffles]

This story has so many grammar errors that I'm finding it hard to even understand.

Read over it, especially looking at grammar mistakes such as the differences in there/their/they're, than/then, and its/it's. There were also a lot of verb tense mistakes.

For example:The song of sorrow, played by a dead men harp, nearly woke all the passengers of the old gondola. It passengers, clearly aware now of there faith, what awaited them was more terrifying that any sorcery could had conjure at time, that there hearts pounded at the rhythmic life. In multiple occasions there souls where summon and there hearts try to by steer in the right direction. Yet it seemed it’s sounds were faintly heard by the deceased monarch.

Should read: The song of sorrow, played by a dead man's harp, nearly woke all the passengers of the old gondola. Its passengers, clearly aware now of their faith, what awaited them was more terrifying than any sorcery could have conjured at the time, that their hearts pounded at the rhythmic life. In multiple occasions thier souls were summoned and their hearts tried to be steered in the right direction. yet it seemed its sounds were faintly heard by the deceased monarch.

Except that I'm not sure what you were trying to say in the second sentence, it just didn't make any sense at all. There's no proper verb. Perhaps "to its passengers....so that their hearts..." Most of this paragraph isn't making sense to me, honestly.  

[Xahmen]

Hey, what I do to help me get things down to pat, is that I read everything I read out loud to myself.  

[Renton Noah]

Zahmen

Hey, what I do to help me get things down to pat, is that I read everything I read out loud to myself.

I will try your way but not fully sure if it helps in my case. Well better to try that cry about it