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 Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 8:09 am
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's strange i feel happy but before i go to bed everynight i cry. I don't know why but i still dream of all of the horrible things i did in my life or the things that hurt me most. I talk about it and i'm in therpy. It does't help, i'm still depressed and it's odd because i don't want to be sad. My boyfriends is there for me and i love him so much. He puts up with all of my problems and i know i won't leave me because he already did that before. He picked me over the other girls because i was the only one who really did love him and knew him the best out of anyone. He makes me laugh when i'm sad and he helped me through most of the horrible things that happened. I stop smoking, drinking and cutting because of him. I guess the only reason i'm sad is because i don't feel right about moving and i'm not use to it yet. If so when i get use to it i sould feel better after a year or so, right? Maybe i'm wrong but i need to know. What's wrong with me? Did i forget something? Can you help me?
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 11:53 am
well, i was going through a rough time, and al at once i had to move schools and move house away from all my friends, i thought it would never get better, but now, almost a year on i'm really happy most of the time and i tend not to dwell on the past smile
you'll be fine again after you've settles into your new home
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:16 am
Sounds like you're going through depression.
Literally.
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:39 pm
What I think is, The reason why you are remembering all the things that you felt were wrong is because your subconsious is trying to make you understand that you need to face the past before you can face the future.
You need to accept what you did and learn from your mistakes.
Or It could be a withdrawal stage. Smoking and Drinking are addicting. Very. Cutting just makes it harder.
Since you stopped, it could be that your subconsious is slowly getting used to it and since you seemed to have been binge drinking/smoking to hide away those bad memories to forget them and get a good buzz in the head that made everything warm and fuzzy, it's coming back like a rubberband.
You just need to accept those memories, write down a few of the ones you remember. Sure it might make you cry and make you depressed, but I assure you, it should help you regain composure and be you agian.
Hope things go your way
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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 11:06 am
Well, when i moved i was actually in the same state if not worse. Moving to this place i'm at now, i lost my fiance. I lost all of my "friends" and the family simply fought me to the bitter end.
The only thing you can do is realize that you're never going to be alone (The boyfriend) and with time you'll discover new people who will be just as good to you as your friends you have at your elder home. I know it'll never be the same, trust me. I do.
Because it never is, but what you can do my friend is you can try to make it into something better for yourself. Consider this as a new way of life and a chance to start over and erase the past.
If you don't.. You'll end up like i did. Throwing up for countless hours because you overdosed on pills and ripping holes inside your stomach from the pressure. Do not let this destroy you. You're alive and you are absolutely a beautiful person.. You'd have to be to have such a wonderful boyfriend.
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 5:56 pm
i did write about my past and i talked about it so many times. I learned from it and i'm still unhappy. Maybe you're right, i'm just dragging so much with me but i'm ignoring it. I know that i'm use to not smoking/drinking/cutting but i still have thoughts about it at the strangest moments. I'll be laughing with my friends then all of a sudden i feel like cutting my arm. I tried to leave the past behind and start new but that made it worse i had to relive my past if i was going to forget it. If you know what i mean... I don't think i'm going thought a hard time. i have new friends i'm still in touch with my old ones and everything. So it's not that...I got over my past but i think my consious is what's making me feel depressed. Now all i have t figure out is how to surpress my consious....Any ideas?
By the way THANK YOU for your help it really helped. Thanks you guys i know what the problem is.
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 5:30 pm
Ehh. Maybe you did face your past..but your not really particularly understanding it.
I hope things go well for you.
<3
Hikaru
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