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Broken Wing

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La-La-Nachos

PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 3:52 pm

Here is a poem I wrote a long time ago, but everyone says they like it. Please read and don;t be too mean. I'm only twelve! gonk (BTW it's called Broken Wing)
He thought all hope was gone
He thought there was no place to hold on
His soul flies on a broken wing
He thinks he has lost everything.

Hold on to what you have
Hold on with your last grip
I will catch you if you fall
I will make you stand tall
I will love you like never before
I will give you hope, I will give you life
So I ask you, please put down the knife.

Broken win on which you fly
You’re struggling, but at least try
I’ll fly beside you
I’ll do anything
To fix your broken wing.

Walking alone is your shadow
It’s hard to make it go away
It covers you, it will stay
So push it over, let it go
Let the light become the only thing you know.

Come here my friend
I’ll care for you ‘till the end
Take that knife out of your hand
Come close so you can hear and understand
Stop worrying about your peers
Stand up to all your fears
Wipe away your tears
Stay with me for years.

Broken wing on which you fly
You’re struggling, but at least try
I’ll fly beside you
I’ll do anything
To fix your broken wing.
 
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 1:39 pm
i liked the beginning.. but u lost your rhyming scheme(do u no wat tht is?) later on in the poem, and then you got it back which was weired... i luff the idea your heading to..... wow ur 12? lol i'm 13...  

TEE WAS HERE


The Raining Soul

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 1:32 am
It's a pretty good poem. But I have to agree, you lost your rhyme scheme for a little bit...  
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 6:41 am
see i agree too. but i love the concept of it. it's so much like a song. i could totally do that, make it into a song. that would be coool.  

sexyninjaangelofdarkness

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Art and Poetry

 
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