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So when we last left off, we left our heroes (the offbeat Newton family) valiantly thinking of plans to save their home from the evil clutches of the city mayor, who would like to tear down the Newton farm to build a highway. The first part of the story is probably floating around somewhere towards the bottom of the first page, you know, not that anyone would want to see it or anything. Just for reference.
What had a week before felt like a death sentence now was a source of great excitement. Everyone was making plans, inventing strange creations designed to frighten off the city inspectors that were inevitably going to come and survey the property. Though the Newtons never really functioned as dutiful citizens, (“I haven’t voted in years,” said Marge dismissively, waving a lazy hand. “I don’t see the point in electing one of those jowly bulldogs to make a bunch of decisions as to what color curtains should hang in the city hall. That’s about all those politician types are good for anyway.”) they certainly knew their city well, and the city would never buy something carelessly. Catherine had once known the mayor personally, and he was the sort of man that believed in that “look under the hood before you buy the car” nonsense. Selling things to these legal types would doubtlessly be a lengthy affair, perfect for their scheme.
Jimmy, one night, after making a few mysterious phone calls, waited until everyone had retired to their respective rooms and snuck off to the large pasture to the left of the barn, armed with a shovel and several of Doctor Blasto’s patented Four-Shot Firecrackers. No one was really quite sure how he managed it, but the next day, Peach the cow found herself chewing her cud in the midst of a large crater. “Undoubtedly,” said Jimmy, “A large crater will put them off. It’s impossible to pave a large crater.”
Lizzie had ingeniously booby-trapped the front door and the entrance to the barn, as well as several of the gates of the fences enclosing the Newton property. The only problem, and one that Lizzie for all her brilliance had overlooked, was that of the family and its need to move about freely on their own property. After her father returned from feeding the horses in the barn covered in glue and feathers from the chicken coop, Lizzie quietly dismantled her extensive defense system. That isn’t to say she got rid of it; she merely stowed the remaining pieces in her closet, in case she needed them. Afterwards, she went about humming peaceably to herself…Her trial run was a success.
Manny, who was an accountant (“Shame, really.” sighed Catherine. “We had such high hopes for him.”) had all sorts of friends in the government, stuffy-looking men and women with titles such as ‘City Councilwoman’ and ‘Chair of the Board of Finance’ who were only all too willing to help out their dear friend Manfred, as long as he promised a few favors come election time, of course. They petitioned to find a new property on which to build. Of course, a few quiet protests wouldn’t put off the mayor. His opinion was set, and it was set on building on the Newton property. He wouldn’t hear of moving his precious highway anywhere else. It was, admittedly, an important road, and it would help the city’s economy tremendously. And when the economy soared, so did the mayor’s salary. And lately, or so the rumors went, the mayor could use the extra money.
Even with all Mayor Evans' eagerness to build, it took several weeks to send out city officials to make an estimate as to the worth of the Newtons' land. And for all the Newtons’ expectations, the evil surveyor turned out to be a slim, reedy woman with a thin, reedy face. Her nose was as pointed as a knife. Even her voice was sharp, with articulate vowels and clean consonants. She looked like the sort of woman who wouldn’t tolerate crumbs on the kitchen floor, or a dirty pile of laundry in the hallway. Catherine, who believed that a messy kitchen meant good food, took an instant dislike to her. Jimmy’s reaction was markedly different. When he first saw her, it was as though his heart was in his eyes. Those long legs, those thin lips! She was the most beautiful woman Jimmy had ever seen! His mouth opened in astonishment, and he tripped over his shoes as he attempted to usher her in. As soon as she entered, the first thing she noticed was the general disorder of the house. Her nose went in the air.
“Welcome to our humble abode!” Patrick boomed. The front door had mercifully concealed a teeming mass of Newtons. There was Jimmy and Catherine and Joseph and MaryAnn and Manny and Marge and Marge’s husband, a shy man called Biddle, and the rest of Catherine’s brood—Angelica, who taught yoga on weekends in the city, Horton, Catherine’s oldest son who ran a winery in California from on-line, Isaac, a close friend of Joseph’s, who wasn’t really a family member but had spent every Sunday afternoon at the Newton’s house, and countless others, down to Angelica’s adopted six-month old from China. Samgee the border collie and Pennyfeather the horse were also present, much to the dismay of the order-loving inspector. It was a rather frightening affair. The mayor had informed her that the Newtons were a queer bunch, but this was more than she was prepared to handle! Inspector Quinlan ran so quickly in the opposite direction that she very nearly burst through the front door.The Newtons grinned and exchanged high-fives. Their plan was working.
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