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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 7:03 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:16 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:01 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:25 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:36 pm
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Talmar_Star_Blood Blue_Mascara First, I had a problem with the blade of pain part. A little cliche and I think you can do better. Also, the they are water drops part. Rain is water so saying it again is like we already know that. Work on the part and it will be much better I think. mrgreen Well, when I wrote this(bout 6 monts ago0 I didn't know it was slishe... so, whatever. and the waterdrops part is ment to state the obvious, the boy is seeing that for the first time, life is life, and nothing else.
No, thats not at all what I meant. You are using metaphors and you start talking about a stream. You say raindrops are just water in a stream and I htought it was a little too obvious. I did not get that water is water and someone is seeing that for the same time at all. If that is what you are getting at, than that is something you definitely have to work on that as well.
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 10:25 am
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Talmar_Star_Blood Blue_Mascara First, I had a problem with the blade of pain part. A little cliche and I think you can do better. Also, the they are water drops part. Rain is water so saying it again is like we already know that. Work on the part and it will be much better I think. mrgreen Well, when I wrote this(bout 6 monts ago0 I didn't know it was slishe... so, whatever. and the waterdrops part is ment to state the obvious, the boy is seeing that for the first time, life is life, and nothing else.
...what?
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