Glassy Eye Stare

[Flowers For Demon Horns]

Have you ever seen the girl with the boots? The ankle high dr. martens. The girl with the knee length Army green skirt? The one the billows in the breeze. Have you seen the girl with the black sweatshirt? The one with the to-long sleeves. Have you seen the girl with the hood over here head? The one with the blond hair flowing over here shoulders. Have you seen the girl with the glassy eye stare? The stare that makes you think she’s just not there. Most people say she to involved in herself to see things around her. I think she’s seeing everything, but her brains to over loaded to react. Some say she strange even disturbed. I think she’s fighting an inner battle, not of good or evil but of happiness or sorrow. Most say she’s distant. I say she’s to near to react. People near her say she’s happy. I say she puts up a front of happiness, but when she’s alone the sorrow consumes her, putting her mind into turmoil. Most stay away. I dare not come near. Most can’t hear these words. I can, because I’m right here, I’m her sorrowful thoughts, bending and twisting my way to the page. Have you ever seen the girl with the glassy eye stare? If you do, dare not to come near, for you might get a taste of the chaos right under the skin.

 

[Reese_Roper]

That was very nicely written. I especially like the twist where you reveal you're her thoughts, not just a random person walking by. A few editorial mistakes, but those are fixable.  

[Flowers For Demon Horns]

Reese_Roper

That was very nicely written. I especially like the twist where you reveal you're her thoughts, not just a random person walking by. A few editorial mistakes, but those are fixable.

Thanks ^_^  

[in the flicker.]

hm. this is really interesting, and i like it a lot. i think, though, i would have liked it just as much if it WAS just some guy observing instead of her thoughts. it was a nice twist though.

you could probably stretch this out if you wanted.  

[Flowers For Demon Horns]

in the flicker.

hm. this is really interesting, and i like it a lot. i think, though, i would have liked it just as much if it WAS just some guy observing instead of her thoughts. it was a nice twist though.

you could probably stretch this out if you wanted.

thank you. I would try to expand it, but i just wouldn't know what to write.  

[Xahmen]

Paragraphs.
I like the subject.  

[Voxxx]

That was a nice change from most of the stuff I've been reading lately. Summer reading just can't compare with an actual person's writing, you know?
Anyway, there were a few grammatical mistakes. "Her" is e-less on the end. "To-long" should be "too long" but apart from that it's a lovely piece. I really liked the idea behind it, and the end was haunting. Good job.  

[Flowers For Demon Horns]

Voxxx

That was a nice change from most of the stuff I've been reading lately. Summer reading just can't compare with an actual person's writing, you know?
Anyway, there were a few grammatical mistakes. "Her" is e-less on the end. "To-long" should be "too long" but apart from that it's a lovely piece. I really liked the idea behind it, and the end was haunting. Good job.

yeah, I'm not all that great at grammer, I know what you mean about summer reading, its just so boring.

@zahmen thanks, but I wouldn't know how to paragraph it, to me it's more like a poem.  

[BlackHawkGS]

Nice subject.

A few grammar errors. Remember to give your works a quick check over before you submit them. You can spot errors really easily when just reading the piece over once.

People with glassy-eyed stares scare me... (like that substitute teacher I had. *shudder*)