This probably belongs more in GC. I want it here.

[Spastic waffles]

It's amazing, the lasting impact a few bad relationships can have on a life.

I thought I was over it, I thought I'd moved on.

Until I realized that my ability to trust was shattered. I've never been given any reason to trust the people close to me. Only reasons not to.

I think what affected me the most was the best friend. How could the person who knew me better than I knew myself just suddenly decide not to care about me anymore? If, after 4 years, she could just stop caring, why should anyone else be any different? Why should I believe that anyone will care about me forever? Sure, my parents, but they have to.

And even they don't help. Half the time I feel like they only care about me when I'm being the perfect child they want. They don't take an active role in my life, except to criticize me when I do wrongly.

And the boyfriends...ha. Yeah. 5 relationships, 5 times I've been dumped. Like I was nothing. Like I was worthless. Like I wasn't worth caring enough to dump me in a kind sort of way, no, she doesn't matter so let's just end it through AIM. Yeah. Real great. I should really trust that.

But he's never given me reason not to trust him...except that he's my boyfriend. And I keep thinking of all the others, wondering when this one will end the same way. It's inevitable. I've got a 100% rate going on this. 5 for 5. 5 times I put my trust into someone, 5 times I shouldn't have. Plus Alyssa. Which counts for like 10, becuase of the pain that one caused me.

But this one's different, right? He loves me. He says it all the time.

Yeah, but Alyssa loved me too. Perhaps not in the same way exactly, but love is love. And supposedly friendships are stronger than relationships. More permanent. You'll always have your friends even if he leaves you.

Yeah. Sure. Riiiiiight. Whatever you say. That's why I haven't had a real conversation with my "best friend" in a year. That's why she doesn't care if we neve see each other again after we graduate. That's why we're never going to open that bakery, or raise our kids together, or be maids of honor at each other's weddings. Things we had planned to do years ago. Before Ryan.

Another male who's caused problems in my life. The best friend's boyfriend who stole her from me. Becuase he is all she cares about. If she could leave me for someone else, why couldn't he?

...I have problems. Major problems.  

[Reese_Roper]

*Hugs*

'Cause at the end of the day, a nice big hug makes everything a little better at least for the moment. heart  

[Spastic waffles]

Reese_Roper

*Hugs*

'Cause at the end of the day, a nice big hug makes everything a little better at least for the moment. heart

Thanks.

But I think this may be slightly beyond that which an e-hug can fix.  

[KirbyVictorious]

What one must understand is that people all have problems. And they may be DIFFERENT problems, but they come to the same thing.

You are unlucky in that you had people betray you, but you are lucky that there were people to betray you in the first place. You have a problem trusting your boyfriend, but at least he's there to not-trust.

And there we go.  

[RitzGS]

*Sends e-cookies and e-hugs*

I can relate to you, Waffles. At least, on the best-friend topic.

I met my friend Luke back in 5th grade. Well, technically 4th grade, but he had just moved here from Kansas and everyone thought he was a crazy (which isn't far from the truth xd ) We became best friends in 5th grade and hung out all the time through middle school. Everything from sledding in the snow over winter break and hanging out at each others houses during the summer. We were great friends.

Till high school. I mean, we still hang out every once and awhile, but it's been a pretty steady decline over the past 4 years. It's primarily because marching band dominates his life but... yeah.

So I haven't really had a "best friend" ever since. My friend Brittany thinks she is now, but... eh, she's actually really annoying...  

[Voxxx]

Waffles, I'm so sorry. *offers e-comfort*  

[Xahmen]

No joke, join some martial art, take up sword fighting, pick up a guitar. Do something but sit and feel sorry for yourself.  

[UsakoTenshi]

I'm sorry Waffles; I wish there was something more I could do to try to make your feel better.

In order to get better, you need to try to make things better. I'd understand if you'd need to consal within someone, and that's good.

Why not try to call her or email your friend?

And relationships can be pretty bad at times, but that's just becuase you haven't found that person yet. If those guys were cruel enough to text you to end the relantionship, then they really don't seem worth it.

Try talking things out with your parents, or if you haven't, make the first few moves yourself.

I hope things will get better. And I hope you know, The Guild's always here for you.  

[blu_sour_skittle]

*SUPEROOBERHUGGLEGLOMPAGE
OFTHEWAFFLESSAMA*

~::~
Questing 2

~[I remember when we'd
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
in a dark room lit by the TV light.
Through all the hard times in my life
those nights kept me alive

<3

I can relate to this on many levels.
Perhaps not on the boyfriend thing, since my first bf is still my current bf. . .

But I understand being betrayed by your best friend. Mine sold out my deepest, darkest secret for 3 days of popularity. *shrug* I'm not even gonna go into the issue my group of friends is currently having, but. . .

Zahmen is right. You should invest your time and emotions into a positive outlet. Writing is a good one (one of my faves, in fact) but you should probably find something more physical. Running, biking, roller-blading, martial arts, etc. There are so many possibilities out there, you just have to find the one that's right for you.

The same thing goes for guys.
I say think about what attracted you to the other guys in the first place. Then think about all the things they had in common and/or that made them jerks. Make sure the current guy doesn't have them.
Also, you should tell him. Your bf has the right to know that you have trouble trusting people. Explain that you have nothing against him personally, but because of what others have done, he'll have to earn your trust and that you'll try to trust him because he's done nothing wrong.
If he understands this and doesn't get mad about you not trusting him because of your experiences with others, then he can't be all that bad.

Listen to the radio play all night;
didn't wanna go home to another fight.
Through all the hard times in my life
those nights kept me alive.]~

155/240k
~::~

Chorus from Those Nights by Skillet  

[Sedec]

Just reading through the posts -- I know this subject is a little old, but here you go anyway. Hope you feel better smile

I don't know you nearly as well as the people above me - so for goodness sake take their advice before you take mine.

If your "best friend" left you after a mere 4 years....chances were she was never that good of a friend in the first place. If you can count your true friends in this life with two hands you are truly blessed. I've had two incredibly good friends so far --one of them has passed away. I consider myself extremley lucky.

The boyfriends, I've never had one in all honesty. But I would rather discover myself and who I am first than but all my energy into someone else....if that makes any sense. Someday I will have one, but for now I need to figure out what it is I want first. Go ahead and do as they told you to do. Do something new- pick up the guitar, sign up for a communtiy service project.

But who am I to tell you what to do? I'm just some random person off the internet....

~Sedec