Top 100 Internet Fundamentalist Quotes

[ProjectOmicron88]

http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx

These are actual quotes posted on the intarwebz. Some of them will make you laugh out loud, others will disgust you, and some will just make you confused as hell.

My personal favorite: "I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie."  

[reverie0312]

Oh my God.

How can people believe that s**t???

The ones I was most horrified by/thought were funniest (because it's definitely both):


"If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol"

"several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years."

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"

"Me and like-minded Christian students are trying to organize a mock stoning of openly gay students at our campus. We will be using crumpled up gray/brown construction paper to represent rocks, and will recite bible verses in opposition to their sinful nature. We will throw a volley or two of these "rocks" at every Gay person we happen to encounter that day."

"Female circumcision is not barbaric. It is done for a reason, to keep the female pure. If only we adopted such practices here in the UK, then maybe women would be less inclined toward infidelity and therefore family values would still be an integral part of society. Family values instil a sense of discipline and respect, which we need as a counteraction against the modern trend of zero respect and zero discipline that is undermining the very fabric of our decaying society."  

[ProjectOmicron88]

Fairyfly

"several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years."

That one was actually from Gaia. They have links to the forums these are from on the bottom.  

[Levis Pennae]

A lot of those made me sick with anger and disgust at how ignorant people can be  

[Superior Jazz]

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.

This makes me laugh. Seriously.
A giant source of energy outside the planet
Ever heard of the SUN?
Funny junk.
Funny.
Like a clown.
But sad...
Also, like a clown  

[Arios V]

Superior Jazz

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.

This makes me laugh. Seriously.
A giant source of energy outside the planet
Ever heard of the SUN?
Funny junk.
Funny.
Like a clown.
But sad...
Also, like a clown

That one was hilarious. Almost made me spit my soda out. It's obvious who ever wrote that hasn't been outside in a while.  

[Arios V]

Some of them were hysterical, some just made me think "WTF?" and some made me want to puke my guts out.  

[Koravin]

Arios V

Superior Jazz

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.

This makes me laugh. Seriously.
A giant source of energy outside the planet
Ever heard of the SUN?
Funny junk.
Funny.
Like a clown.
But sad...
Also, like a clown

That one was hilarious. Almost made me spit my soda out. It's obvious who ever wrote that hasn't been outside in a while.

I KNOW! I just looked at my computer, looked out the window at the sun, and laughed. Hmm, I wonder where all that energy comes from? Couldn't be the sun.

But yeah, I read them all. I now want to cry.  

[Arios V]

Koravin

Arios V

Superior Jazz

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.

This makes me laugh. Seriously.
A giant source of energy outside the planet
Ever heard of the SUN?
Funny junk.
Funny.
Like a clown.
But sad...
Also, like a clown

That one was hilarious. Almost made me spit my soda out. It's obvious who ever wrote that hasn't been outside in a while.

I KNOW! I just looked at my computer, looked out the window at the sun, and laughed. Hmm, I wonder where all that energy comes from? Couldn't be the sun.

But yeah, I read them all. I now want to cry.

I know, some of them were freaking awful and somewhat disturbing.  

[iButtRape]

"When you throw Human Logic and Reasoning out the window and just believe God, things become much, much clearer."

I got a good giggle from this.

 

[Arios V]

iButtRape

"When you throw Human Logic and Reasoning out the window and just believe God, things become much, much clearer."

I got a good giggle from this.

I feel a bit sick after reading that. Whoever came up with that needs to have their brain cleaned.

Love the sig by the way.  

[Meirelle]

eek Um... I'm kind of frightened.  

[Skadefro]

Quote:

"Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go ******** a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men ******** eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?"

gonk  

[SkeletonPhoenix]

"Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son


I swear this exact quote was in American history X and that's about neo-Nazis.  

[Superior Jazz]

The other great one is "Use scripture in your response, not logic"
That one is pretty good.