A fawn in the water

[Xahmen]

A fawn with blood in its eyes stumbled blindly into one of the many ponds in Central Park. It thrashed frantically in the water, trying to clear its vision. The young deer had no idea that the obsctruction was inside its eyes, not covering them.
By the time Hannah had worked up the courage to approach it and try to help, the fawn had gone still.
Blood and pus leaked out of its nose, ears, and eyes.

That water was contaminated now, to drink from it would be to die.
Hannah continued her forage through the city, taking care not to look too long at the poisoned sky.  

[Reese_Roper]

Zahmen, that made my skin crawl. gonk  

[Xahmen]

How so?  

[Voxxx]

First reaction: gonk Congratulations, you've just killed Bambi.

Your style is very good. Kind of suspenseful, but not in an obnoxious way. You pulled it off very, very well.
One minor flaw:
Its doesn't have a comma in that context.  

[Xahmen]

Fixed, thank you for pointing it out.
Bambi had it coming.
POST SOME STUFF VOXX!  

[Voxxx]

But I'm happy. I can't write when I'm okay.

Never saw Bambi. Didn't she die anyway?  

[Xahmen]

Voxxx

But I'm happy. I can't write when I'm okay.

Never saw Bambi. Didn't she die anyway?

dramallama emo
There, I just you a drama-lama emo.
Be sad and WRITE SOMETHING.  

[Voxxx]

Hosnap. I can't believe you just emoed me!
emo  

[Reese_Roper]

Voxxx: Bambi was a dude (the girliest dude ever, but hey). xd

BAMBI SHOULD BE RATED PG FOR CARTOON VIOLENCE! gonk


Zahmen: It was creepy. Really well written, though.  

[Sors]

It instantly made me want to see I Am Legend. xD
It is quite creepy, especially my idea of a poisoned sky.

 

[Xahmen]

Sors

It instantly made me want to see I Am Legend. xD
It is quite creepy, especially my idea of a poisoned sky.

Which is?  

[Isianya]

I really llike the word choice here. Especially "thrashed." I mean--wow--that just brought it all together.

Question: Was the fawn shot? At first, I wasn't sure. But towards the end when it went still I was like.. 'Oooh!' Just wondering.

Good job. Dark. Creepy. Violent. Me likey!  

[NovaKing]

Zahmen

Voxxx

But I'm happy. I can't write when I'm okay.

Never saw Bambi. Didn't she die anyway?

dramallama emo
There, I just you a drama-lama emo.
Be sad and WRITE SOMETHING.

You don't need to be sad to write something >.>

[I know you know that though.]

But I do agree with one thing: WRITE SOMETHING VOXXX!

[heh][but take your time]  

[lidless_i]

I typically have sympathy for anything in a plight involving a loss of vision, but for some reason I didn't like this fawn. I never liked the phrase "poisoned sky." Probably because at first glance it seems to imply a change of color rather than the condition of being poisened, since most people don't look at the blue sky outside and think about how they are breathing in the same chemicals that make it that way. Maybe that's just me...
Anyway, I enjoyed the rest of it...  

[KirbyVictorious]

*poke*

*pokepoke*

Bambi? BAMBIIIIIII!!!

You killed the prince of the forest! Way to go gonk

Just kidding. It was verrrry well written.