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I journeyed far to Alaska, then swam in the freezing rivers to Japan. There I sold my soul to a manga company and I bought a car to travel to Eastern Europe. There I hid for years, then the US army shipped me to America after they found me in a cellar hiding with my dog Fino. Then I turned around, after living for only a few days back in America, And boarded a ship that was delivering American goods to France. I stayed on that ship for many months, since it was a bulky ship and not very many people could understand my language, since I spoke something of my very own that was composed of all languages that I'd encountered. To avoid any trouble with the languages, I hid in a barrel (which was suspiciously full of pinto beans) and stayed there surviving off of them for a few weeks. Then I was deposited on the shores of France, and I popped out after I realized they had left the Barrels of Pinto Beans for the merchants. I traveled to the nearest tailor with a little boy named Francis (who served as an interpretor, since he spoke english as well and so did I)and told him to tell the tailor that if he made me a few good pairs of clothing, I would give him all of the beans that were on the shore. He said alright, but I had to be his apprentice for three months, along with the beans, to get my clothes. I said I would, even though I had no intention of really doing it, and he made me three very fine suits, composed of frilled blouses and long, eye-catching skirts.
After being very satisfied with the outfis, Francis and I led the Tailor to the shore, but the beans were gone! He stood there waiting, and I ran, carrying the clothes with me. They weighed me down, and eventually he caught me, with the help of Francis who was the apprentice of a Royal Guard, who was responsible for throwing me in jail. There I waited, for someone to rescue me, or for someone to tell me the location of the beans so i could get out of the godforsaken place.
After 13 years, I had dug a very narrow tunnel with a spoon that my cellmate, James, had given me. (Who was arrested for stealing from the Royal Guard's Armory station) The guards could not see, since the windowspace in the cell was very narrow and whenever they would peek, I would replace the tile that covered the tunnel in the ground. I ate the dirt, keeping myself alive with it's very nutrients, but soon grew very tired of the bland taste and decided to toss it out the side window, where the hill in which the prison was located dropped off into a very steep cliff.
Once I felt it was time, I peeked my head through the end of the tunnel, which to my dismay led off the cliff. I slid out anyways, telling James my farewell. I slid down the cliff, being very lucky not to hit the sharp rocks below. I landed in the ocean, where I swam to the nearest boat, which happened to be selling Pinto beans. I boarded the small schooner, asking his name (which was Fred) and where he got the beans. He said off the shore, and right away I leaped at him to strangle him. After his death, I took lead of the boat, riding back to America. I returned to my home after countless storms and blizzards, and here I am.
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