Turn the corner

[Flowers For Demon Horns]

Turn the corner, run away, just to live another day

Scrub you hands very clean, so they won’t know what you’ve seen

Turn the corner, and just stay, maybe you don’t want to live another day

Scrub your hands in the sink, watch the water, it makes you think

Turn the corner, join the fight, pull the trigger, and watch the light

Scrub your hands, your unclean, do you know what this means

Turn the corner, watch the fight, take a bullet, you’ve lost your life

Scrub your hands of this life, to go to heaven this was your sacrifice

 

[Paid2Panic]

What a powerful use of anaphora.
That is what drew me in particularly.

It paces the reader, allowing a faster pace to commence without using blatent means.

But in the second to last line.. it seemed cut off. Im not sure if you meant it to be like that, or if it was a typing mistake. It just placed an abrupt stop, and broke the flow off. But then you answer what the missing word is in the final line.

So again, I am not sure if it was an intended stop, which would make sense now as to seeing what the entire piece is about. But all in all it was a really good read.  

[Flowers For Demon Horns]

woops, I didnt know life was cut off from that line.  

[Paid2Panic]

Your welcome. 3nodding  

[KirbyVictorious]

What he said.

I couldn't get a clear picture of what was going on, but I liked the way you set it up. Brilliant.  

[Voxxx]

I really, really liked this one. I think there is a bit more you could coax out of punctuation, it really helps the flow of things. Like a dash in the last line. It just makes things more finished.

Scrub your hands of this life, to go to heaven-- this was your sacrifice  

[Flowers For Demon Horns]

I don't like adding dashes and things, it seams like overkill if the piece already has good flow.  

[The Splendiferous Rufu]

It does have good flow, but I think Vox's right. It's got a good flow up until the end, and I expect it to keep going. Yeah. >>;

I love the repetition in this. The subtle revisiting of each theme calls attention to what matters.
You've got a good idea, and you're really close to having a great image to go with it - the water in the sink. I can almost, almost see the sink. I just need, like, one more detail. And then it's perfect.
Kudos.

<3RUFU

 

[Flowers For Demon Horns]

thanks, but what would be the last repeat?  

[The Splendiferous Rufu]

The last one in the poem is the image of scrubbing your hands. I'm sorry if that's not what you meant - I'm not entirely clear on what you mean.

<3RUFU