Who is worse to lie to?

[Pmyi]

A priest or your family?


Because if you lie to a priest, doesn't that pretty much guarantee you a spot in Hell? But if you lie to your family, then you have that guilt eating away at you.

xD;; Let me explain my dilemma.

Despite being atheist, my mom still wants me to get confirmed. The rest of my family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins) are all religious, but my immediate family isn't really. They don't go to church. We don't pray at the table. The most we do in terms of having God in our life is when my brother says, "God bless" to all of us before he goes to bed.

My mom told me if I don't get confirmed, I'm going to get disowned from my family. She said my grandparents would disown me - not her. She doesn't mind as much as they would.

I'm close with my grandparents. I'm their only "normal" granddaughter - my other female cousins are kind of... messed up. xD;; My older cousin, who is sixteen, is already engaged and... well, she isn't a favorite right now. And her younger sister has Downs Syndrome.

So aside from making them proud in school, I need to be a Christian for them as well. And it makes me uncomfortable, having to lie or avoid the subject that might lead up to them asking what I believe in.

I've kept quiet for now, and I probably still will, but now I have to lie to a priest.

See, for the church I'm going to get confirmed in, we have to write letters to the priest saying why we want to get confirmed and all this other stuff. All my friends -- even my own MOM -- told me to BS it. The religious leader for the class I have to go to, however, said that I should be honest. She said if we needed to the priest, herself, my mom, and I could all meet and talk about if I should get confirmed.

So... help, anyone? xD;; What should I do? Lie to the priest and have the guilt eating away at me of not only lying to a religious figure (albeit a complete stranger) but my family as well? Be honest, which might lead to more conflicts that could potentially have me get disowned?  

[Daffodil the Destroyer]

I don't see why you'd have to tell anyone that you are an atheist OR go through with the confirmation. A simple, "I'm not ready" should be sufficient if these people truly believe in their religion. Confirmation is a meaningful process that one should not be pressured into without wanting to go through with it. They should respect you and respect their own God enough to stand by your decision.  

[Dronning Dagmar]

I'm not going to say this is the best thing or the right thing, but I can tell you what I would do. I would lie to the priest. There is no hell, so you get no spot in it. You will only feel guilty if you allow yourself to. If you believe that you did the best thing you could in your situation, then you have no reason to feel guilty. You're in a tough spot, and there's no easy solution, so you can only do the best you can do with the cards you've got. As I said, if it were me, I could consider my best option to lie to the priest and I would not feel guilty about it because I would feel I did the only thing I could. It would cause more trouble than it's worth to upset my grandparents.

I know that my grandparents would not be happy with "I'm not ready." That would just mean they would want to talk about it, or they would want me to talk to the priest or some other "authority" to work through my "issues" so that I'd be ready. It would not get me off the hook. Maybe your situation is different, but that is what I think would have happened to me.  

[JadeDragonSoul]

I was confirmed two years ago as I was really doubting the existence of a god. I disliked going to church and thanksgiving/christmas dinner prayer and CCD classes made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to get confirmed because I know I didn't beleive in God and I wasn't religious.
I had to do the same exact thing as you, type out a letter to the priest on why we wanted to get confirmed. And you know what? I don't think they gave a s**t about my letter, honestly. If they truly read it they would have probably had a talk with me. Why? I was "indirectly" honest.
I didn't say I didn't believe in God, but I said it didn't matter to me if I was confirmed or not and the only reason I was doing this is because it was what was expected of me. (and that I was never given a choice) I also mentioned how I "wanted" to be because it was so I could be a godparent if the opportunity came. I explained I wasn't doing it for me, but for others.
So, they probably didn't even take me/it seriously. They probably didn't want to make a fuss and just let me be. (Because I never really did my CCD work seriously) And the just wanted me gone after years and years of those classes. -_- Mind you, the tone of my letter was still pleasant. I wasn't standoffish or blunt. It was like critiquing some one in a nice way. You're saying what they might not want to hear, but you're doing it in a way that wouldn't cause offense.

In the end, if you are confirmed, its no big deal. Yea, it was awkward getting religious/confirmation gifts afterward from family. (And yes, I felt guilty receiving a crystal rosary in an engraved trinket box that 'haunts' me every time I see it) But in your daily life you forget about those things and you forget you were even confirmed, because you know you're being true to yourself, and even though you're indirectly honest/dishonest with your distant family. It's worth it to keep the peace, right? If you're not religious confirmation will mean nothing to you. 3nodding (It's not like you're one religion and forced to confirm to the other)

Hope my experience helps!  

[Daffodil the Destroyer]

I was confirmed an Episcopalian in high school and I did it for me, not my family. I truly thought I believed in all of that Christian dogma and though I did feel peer pressure from my friends at church (it was scandalous not to be confirmed by a certain age), I was confirmed because I chose to be. Even though I'm an atheist, I still feel ties to the church in which I grew up (just, not religiously based ones). My confirmation, therefore, still has meaning to me.

If I were in your position, I would talk with the priest as honestly as possible. I might not outright state that I am an atheist, but I would be frank about my wish not to be confirmed right now. As much beef as I have with Christians, I think it's disrespectful of their religion to enter into something like confirmation under false pretenses (not to mention you'd be pretending to be something that you inherently aren't). Sorry if I sound sort of bitchy; I'm not intending to, I just figured maybe I should explain a little better - the opinion of some random person online probably won't matter all that much anyway in the end.

Of course, if you're like me, and do feel some sort of ties to the church (I liked mine because of the sense of family we had in our church and because of the enormous amount of community service we did), I would say that would be a legit reason to be confirmed.


I don't know; maybe I'm too much of an idealist, but I can't imagine anyone being disowned by a family that loves them just because they didn't go through a formal confirmation ceremony.  

[Pmyi]

I talked to the class leader tonight and she said she would talk to the priest and see if he could talk to me one-on-one about what I should do. She also suggested that I just not get confirmed this year, but do it at a later time. I suppose I could say that I'm emotionally not ready for it or something to my family..?

Yeah... I'll probably do that. xD;;  

[Lux7]

I'm a stubborn person so i would fight tooth and nail before i got confirmed. I don't like to lie and when i do(even when its a little white lie) I feel really bad about it and end up telling the truth anyway. You shouldn't have to get confirmed just because its expected. If my grandparents asked me what my is belief i would just tell them. They want to disown me fine, then I know they aren't my true family and don't truelly care about me. It really depends though, if you really really love your grandparents it would be hard and being put in the middel like that must be hard.  

[Daffodil the Destroyer]

Ellyon98

I'm a stubborn person so i would fight tooth and nail before i got confirmed. I don't like to lie and when i do(even when its a little white lie) I feel really bad about it and end up telling the truth anyway. You shouldn't have to get confirmed just because its expected. If my grandparents asked me what my is belief i would just tell them. They want to disown me fine, then I know they aren't my true family and don't truelly care about me. It really depends though, if you really really love your grandparents it would be hard and being put in the middel like that must be hard.

I don't like to lie either, because aside from feeling bad (white lies don't bother me too much though), it's usually hard for me to remember what lie I told. It's easier to tell the truth.  

[PhaedraMcSpiffy]

I'd like to think that I'd have the integrity to be honest, no matter what. But honestly... I don't know what I would do. In that situation, I wouldn't consider it wrong to lie. It's probably best to tell the truth, but... if telling that truth would get you disowned, I don't know if that's worth it and I don't think those people deserve the truth.  

[Teoka]

I wouldn't lie to anyone. I would be frank with the priest and tell him that I'm an atheist and do not wish to go through with conformation. I would be truthful with my family that I don't share their beliefs. If they want to "disown" me for it, so be it. I wouldn't want to be related to such bigots. It'd be their loss, anyway, and would reflect quite badly on them.

But then again, that's me xd I'm a rebel 3nodding