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Reply Writing: Prose
Firebird; The Black Phoenix - Prologue

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Sabure Musouka

PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 7:37 pm
This is the Prologue to a story i am writting, lemmie know what y'all think~

Earth, 996 B.C.

I opened my eyes. A drop of water fell from the ceiling into my small pool of water, another hit a fern at the edge of my pool I watched as it dripped down the slender leaves shining like a jewel in the sun. It slid to the end of the leaf and dripped into the pool. Interesting how the drop of water could have fallen on any of the ferns, any of the leaves, and it could have slid any way down the leaves, but it would still wind up in my pool of serene crystal clear water. It was not really my pool; it was in the palace of the Counsel of Magic. The Earth worm Arteh slugged by, slipping into a mud puddle with a soft splash, as the Flame fish swam in the high embers of an enchanted fire in the center of the room, the cloud crab lay on a rock snoring with a sound like a pleasant breeze. It was very generous for the head mistress of the council of magic, the Silver dragon to invite the four of us here, me the only water spider whom can change the chemic structure of his body to match that of any temperature of water. The only fire fish whom can survive outside liquid lava, the only earth worm who could pass through solid earth and stone, the only air crab with the appearance of a cloud. All of us were special, all of us were important. The door to the chamber room opened. A boy walked in
“Aw, Morta Kaj, what brings you here?” I asked him
“Well as you know I am the oracle of earth and I know that magic will one day be banished from earth.” Morta Kaj said.
“Ale majiokajasu figi sekuto gurotsu guruba Aanta” I said “that was a prediction you made, was it not?”
“Yes, Qued, that was my prediction, or so I was told; that kind of prediction is…”
“I know what it is.”
“And, my descendent…”
“Yes, I remember…Onai gensenti figi sekuto gesuto dajeino poiga ovuro Aanta, correct?” I asked him.
“I can’t remember what I say in an overlooked vision.” He said. “Kiplasga has summoned you to the great hall on the third floor.” Morta Kaj said matter-of-factly.
“Yes oracle,” the fish said softly and flew out of his fire.

The golden phoenix stood before us her bright red feathers standing out in the dull stone hall. Beside her, Lasiandra stood, in green peacock feathers. Her long black hair billowed out in the soft breeze. Behind them, stood the great silver dragon, a creature with the ability to pass through any object with a hole all the way trough it, with scales that shone like liquid silver and the ability to stretch for a mile and a half, this was why she was selected to be head guardian because no other dragon in existence had such talents, not even the Siamese dragon Kon and Yami, who could separate themselves into two separate beings. The Silver dragon shook her main of fur over her ancient bones, and reached for a pedestal. She grabbed the ancient text that lay on it and held it out in front of us.
“This is the magic annex all the information of magic and mortal is stored in its pages.” She spoke with an ancient voice, like the trees in the oldest forests whose language has been lost for as long as magic can recall “The oracle of time has predicted that this text will become part of a thing called S.C.W.A.F.” she paused looking at the four of us, her white eyes seemed to flash a dull gray. “Now you are this S.C.W.A.F.” She said in her old voice, with a wave of her free claw Arteh formed a ring which the fireball that was once Ber floated in the middle and the cloud crab vanished beneath the worm as he began to float. Next the annex glowed and flowed into me as I was standing on the ring and with that, I froze. “You are the magic annex now and when our souls enter the body of a new youth you will tech her all she needs to know.
“The humans are uprising and we will have to take the magic they call science.”
Upon hearing this, the ambassador’s eyes widened
“No! Take not the magic of the humans!” She shouted
“What insolence is this?” spoke a member of the council.
“Please don’t!” she repeated
“This is a disgrace! Seize her powers!” Said a man, he was the same man who spoke a few just before.
“AHH! IUGUOLO!” She bellowed and the old man fell to the floor dead.
“Now, you are cursed with the black wing curse!” Shouted the Phoenix, her vice so loud bouncing off the walls from whence they came.
Screaming in agony the ambassador of humans was transformed into a phoenix, an evil one, one that was black. The body of the dragon hit the floor and vanished. We knew why, a barrier had been put up to separate the magic from the humans, but changing the woman into a phoenix of death weakened the guardians, rather than taking away science, they stole the dominance. The black phoenix and the golden one were on the other side, the side of humans. The rest of the council of magic was on the side of magic, Arteh as it was called, and the human side remained ‘Earth’. Kiplasga and lasiandra were locked in a battle to the death. But the golden phoenix never returned.

Three thousand years later
Arteh, 2004 A.D.

“You are sure you want to do this Morta Kaj?” we asked him. He was the second oracle of earth and had made the prediction that the golden phoenix would return in his youth, along with the black phoenix.
“Yes, I must, for only I can find him. He lives on the earth side of the Artonion barrier, in Australia.” He added.
“He?” We asked him
“Yes a disgrace for the golden phoenix to be a man.” He said with difficulty. Even though he, himself would not be a man for many more years.
“Yes, yes, you may go, with a one way portal opener that will land you in the place of the phoenix to be, it will dissolve back into the natural elements it is made of, you can not use it again.” We told him. Morta kaj held the crystal up and it flew from his hands and he vanished.  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:18 pm
Exceedingly outstanding. However, I do believe it might have been a tad better if it had been in past tense. Thats purely my opinion though.  

Atomic Rock

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 9:39 pm
Gee! I don't know what to say! There's no plot or anything yet, but it's so complex and good!  
PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2008 10:17 pm
Thanks for the kind words people!
i will try your advice, SugarXDhoney to make it past tense. I believe you are right, it would be better mrgreen  

Sabure Musouka


Islua

PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2008 11:58 am
I agree that it would be better in past tense and if you made some things a bit more clear. It might just me but the fish and thingy conversation is a bit confusing, it doesn't connect-well not yet anyways.  
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2008 5:18 pm
I am lost in the beginning it is really hard for my to understand it, but it calls me to read more of it. Good work mrgreen  

Dragonfanatic24


dragongirl187

PostPosted: Sat May 31, 2008 11:15 pm
Having already read this... I still really like it!  
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Writing: Prose

 
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