Okay, so maybe some of you have seen the original, maybe not. I decided to make a new thread because that one is a month or two old and no body probably goes in it anymore (( not like any one has ))
Anywho, I'll post the original, and then the final draft of the story, jus' so yah folks know. ^^
Anywho, I'll post the original, and then the final draft of the story, jus' so yah folks know. ^^
Original
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The cool wind that swept across the lake was comforting, in a way. To me, it felt like it was chiseling at the hard, stone mask on my face, but only little pieces. It was hardly enough to break through the full body shell in which I had encased myself.
The waves crashed against the shore, sending little beads of water flying into the air like a cloudless rain. Hesitantly, I took a step forward and gasped as the cold water engulfed my foot. What surprised me was how good it felt. I took another step forward, and this time I sighed.
Ever since D has passed away, I had grown solitary. I'd keep to myself all the time and I almost never talked. The lake was the only place I felt comfortable with myself. It was Danny's favorite spot, and thus it became mine.
Danny... Once I thought the name, I regreted it. It brought back too many memories of him. Happy memories. Always happy. And suddenly it'd be a picture of him lying lifeless in a casket---cold...Pale...lifeless.
Unthinkingly, I started to walk forward---deeper and deeper into the water until it was above my waist. The picture of D was burned in the backs of my eyes now, and it wouldn't go away.
Gritting my teeth, I took a few more steps forward. The water was at my shoulders now, and I could barely feel my legs. And yet...and yet it still felt nice. I liked the numbing feeling.
I started to turn as the waves were beginning to drag me out farther into the lake...never to return.
When suddenly, something hit me. It smacked me in the chest and instinctively, I reached out to grab what ever it was. I felt soggy, wet wood beneath my fingers as it drew away with the waves and then smashed into me again, only this time, I went under.
Final Draft
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The cool breeze that swept across the bay was comforting, to a point. Dark clouds rolling overhead were hardly enough to comfort me at all, so I relied on the waves and the wind. The wind, because it felt as if it were chiseling at the stone mask I had set upon my face, though it could hardly break through the full body armor in which I had encased myself.
The waves I relied on because of the sound. As they crashed upon the shore, sending tiny beads of water into the air like a cloudless rain, I closed my eyes and sighed. The sound was soothing and seemed to melt the tension from my body.
The breeze suddenly picked up speed sending bits of sand into the air that forced my eyes shut. Covering my face with my arm, I began to venture down the beach.
Once the sand was no longer being thrust into my face, I lowered my arm. Looking out at the ocean, I gazed at the waves. It was endless, or so it seemed. Wave upon wave came one after the other, some larger than the ones before them. I caught site of a small fishing boat far out in the bay. Just above the boat, struggling out at sea, I could see the stormy clouds hanging over head, looming like a dark omen ready to strike at any moment.
As if on cue, thunder began rumbling across the skies, followed by rain drops plummeting to the ground.
I turned to face the waves, staring blankly in front of me as they grew larger and larger. Minutes passed as I watched the tiny boat bobbing up and down in the water.
The longer I stared, the more interesting the water seemed to me. The more interesting the water seemed to me, the more I wanted to know how it felt. I took a hesitant step forward, letting the cold water envelope my feet. The temperature sent a shiver up my spine as I felt the water withdraw, then surge forward again. The raindrops began to fall faster as I started to walk forward in the water, until I was knee deep.
A keen smile spread across my face as the cold water seeped through my jeans and brushed against my flesh, making it tingle. I wiggled my toes, finding it more difficult then I had expected. The cold water had already numbed them to where I could barely move them.
That should have stopped me from going further; the numbness. If I stayed in the water too long I would lose all feeling in my legs, then I wouldn’t be able to walk back. Though it didn’t seem like much of a threat to me, I took a few more steps, submerging myself waist deep in water.
The numbness began to crawl up my legs until I couldn’t feel anything below the knee. I welcomed it, as if I were letting a guest into my very house. Only the guest was more of a threat than anything. The house was pretty much my life.
My eyes drifted close as I let out a content sigh.
A question crept into my mind making me shiver, but not because of the cold. It was because I knew the answer to the question. Why was I standing out in the water with the waves trying to drag me out to sea? It was because I wanted to forget. That was why I welcomed the numbness in my legs so openly.
I took another step forward bringing the water up to my chest. The waves were beginning to pull me back and forth dragging me toward the shore, then toward the ocean. Danny was the reason I was here, though here was hardly the place to be. This used to be “our spot”, a place where we would hang out just to get away from the real world.
This was why I was here then, to get away from everyone…to be on my own, with my own thoughts, my own feelings. I wanted to forget about the real world, to forget about Danny...
I deliberated over taking another step forward. The rain was beginning to come down even faster now. The waves were in the process of dragging me farther out into the bay. Already the water was at my shoulders.
No. Taking a step forward would mean submerging me in the water completely. I wasn’t here to commit suicide, though if someone were looking at me from the beach, that’s probably what they thought I was about to do.
I turned around, ready to go back to shore, when something smashed against the back of my legs, immediately sending me under water. The Ocean seemed to swallow me as fast as it could. Soon, I was twisting through the water, trying to find the surface. The current was too strong, and after a few seconds of struggle, I let the water have me.
The pressure in my ears began to increase as I drifted farther and farther down into the water. Had it really pulled me out this far so fast…? I could hear the water rushing by; feel the waves tugging at my limbs, as if it couldn’t decide which direction it wanted to take me. As I tasted the salt water that stung at my eyes and made my throat burn, I continued to sink. The last bit of light from up above shimmered and blinked until I couldn’t see it anymore.
I found that, eventually, after the numbness had completely set in, that I didn’t want to fight back. My eyes, which were barely open, trying to see through the water, drifted closed as I tried to think. Irritatingly enough, I found that I couldn’t think clearly. My thoughts had been crystal clear just moments before, but now they were as murky as the water I was in. I couldn’t think of anything except whether to fight or not. Even though I had decided not to, there was still that small voice in the back of my head, telling me to start swimming again.
“Move, Jax!” it screamed at me. “C’mon! You have to move!”
I recognized it as Danny’s voice. Danny was telling me to swim, but whenever I tried to move my fingers or kick my legs, nothing happened.
I didn’t know how long I had been under the water. The burning in my lungs was something I could barely feel, along with every other part of my body. Every ounce of my strength had been drained away by the cold water.
I heard a small murmur, like a voice, right beside me. A burst of bubblesA suddenly blew in my face as something hard wrapped around my body.
My eyes drifted open just a fraction, trying to see who or what it was, but I couldn’t see anything. It was too dark. Not to mention the salt water made it impossible to see. I became aware that the bubbles that had blown into my face were my own. I had been holding my breath for too long and unwillingly exhaled. I tried to breathe in, but all I got was a mouth full of salt water.
What am I even doing here…? I thought. Danny wouldn’t want this, of course he wouldn’t. Hadn’t he been yelling at me to fight? For a split second, the image of Danny lying in the wooden casket flashed across my mind, making me cringe. Danny had told me to fight, but did he? It sure didn’t look like it.
The thing that had wrapped around me began to drag me upward, to the surface I presumed. I could only tell because the pain in my ears was starting to ease up.
Danny did fight. Of course he did. He had struggled for weeks in the hospital after that car accident. He fought in every way he could, but he just couldn’t fight hard enough. He fought to live, but he didn’t win.
Fight in order to live… I told myself. But that was hard to do when you were underwater, unable to move, with something holding on to you that prevented you from moving any more than you already could.
I tried to breathe again, the burning in my lungs becoming unbearable. Even the water couldn’t numb that anymore. But just like before, I got a mouth full of salt water; horrible salt water that burned my throat.
Finally, whatever it was that had been pulling me, burst through the surface of the water. Finally, everything slipped away into nothingness. I couldn’t see, feel, smell, or taste anything. I could just hear the sound of rain, thunder, water, and the distinctive voice in the back ground.
“You idiot…” Danny murmured as his voice began to fade, just like everything else had.
“Sorry…” I sputtered as my lungs tried to get rid of the salt water.
Everything went black, leaving me floating in my own sea of darkness. Only this sea had no water, and far as I knew, it didn’t have a surface either.
Feel free to critique to whatever degree. ^^
