Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ok, i know that this is really sketchy, but just bear with me here. It's a vamp girl squeezing blood out of a heart. I know you can't see the heart real well, but i hope to fix that during the coloring process. If theer is anything you see I can improve on before i ink it please lemmie know. ^.~

Can't guarantee this is useful adive but o-well

The face-
You are right about the eye, but also the face needs to be a bit more narrower. The jaw line needs to not go straight like that, you need another line showing where it connects to where the ear is. (if that makes any sense)

body-
I won't say for this one but just in your future drawings, trying modeling in the mirror for difficult poses and start with the torso first.

Try going on sites with armor design tutorials because I have the same problem where the clothing or armor feels 2d.

Otherwise I LOVE vampires and the image that you are trying to create is very interesting. I love the idea of her holding the heart. the coloring definately helped show what she was holding but you might want to make the heart bigger....maybe...

hope this helps!